If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Friday, April 4, 2008

who r we?

Arrived home today after 2 weeks. The weather here has been badly. Heavy rain every evening. More like a storm. And its not even the monsoon season yet. Green house effect I suppose?

The reason I blog, or sometimes put so “emo” post, just to express how I felt at that particular time. Yes I could keep it to myself, but I feel lots easier to just let it out instead of keeping it inside, and maybe it can help any of the reader, that maybe 1 day, could relate to how I felt at that particular time. If it’s a sad time, maybe, you reader might feel, “ hey, am not that bad after all”. I mean, when I feel down, its good to know that, its not only me feel that same way, its like a normal thing, and maybe those stories/ experience from others, could help me to recover. I wont deny that everyday my day is perfect and I cant at the top everytime. I do belive that everyone have their off day right? So my purpose is to help, please do not judge, though I wont give a crap. And sometimes, I wanted to share some of my experience of show you guys something that maybe u all don see before, please do not think am showing off. I mean, is it wrong to share your trip’s experience with your mate’s if u know ur mates haven’t been to those places? Is that showing off? If you all think so, I think you all should stop visiting the blog, thank you.

The question that been on my mind lately is, “ do we really know who we are?”. Not pointing any fingers at anyone, take me for example. I will be honest here, that I once think that, “its my way or no way”, or “so stupid wan ar that fella do so much for her”,I wont fall for anyone so hard, that I will be willing to do so much, I wont beg anyone for anything, I am shy to approach people, I think black people are violent, clubbin and drinking is bad, girls that wear leggin are “lala”, and fishnets are for hookers, those who love to wear micro mini might as well not wear anything and lots more.

But its so much different NOW. I mean, there is no prize for guessing who I have fallen hard for. And things am willing to do, I cant be stubborn anymore, leggin are “OK” .

One day while walking to the library after computer lab with vi ling, she say her fren and greet her, at the fren was wearing some ultra high boots, similar to the one that u go for horse riding, that’s how high the boots are. For me personally, it look UGLY. Then while getting lunch with wai luen and yee kean the next day, I saw that girl again, this time with another boots, this time, with lots of funny design, like a cowboy. I do think like “ wth”, but, thinking back, its true what vi ling said, “she might find it is nice looking, so its up to her”. The point is, other people have their own cup of tea, and their tea might not be the same as mine.

Changes, acceptance, and embracing. Its something that that can be easy to some. I quote pei se “ be flexible than your life wont b so sucky”. Maybe that can be easier said than done, for me, as I do have my own opinion on things and my own stand for example, the opposition winning big last election might not be a good thing, as what we all need is stability, but I know lots of you DAP fans out there might think its differently. And I do try to accept what you guys think, because its your opinion and everyone is entitle to their own opinion. 1 month or so more am leaving. Another chapter shall be flipped. Saying goodbye to Bangsar, a place that I spend most of my time growing up. Friends and enemy I made, places I know where to get my stuff. Everything is so convenient, but sadly Mr.Gan have to retire. Moving to Klang, near Bukit Tinggi. Maybe if I tell also, some might say “damn far wei, or damn ulu wei” but no choice lor. Adjusting to a new environment means I have to travel further to reach home from cyber, means more money shall be spend traveling, and I cant order chicken rice instead need to say “ chee wan e ker” or “ kay peng”.

Language IS a barrier for me. Yes is not secret that I AM a banana. Never a day I feel like an alien when others talking Chinese around me. Don everyone would feel that way? Like if you go to study in Russia and your frens talk Russian with each other, how would anyone feel rite? 2 years having people speaking Chinese without understand whats goin on around me, guess am immune to it. Some words I MIGHT understand but den again, it seems hopeless.

Growing up, I followed my dad to travel when am free. Weekends, school holidays. When he was the regional manager at the east coast last time, me and my whole family have to follow him to visit each and every station only we could reach my grandma place for the weekly visit. Witnessing an old man getting scold because of sleeping during the job, and those porter cleaning up the station, even the toilet as a preparation for the sultan’s visit, got me feel bad for them as my dad one giving them instruction. But now, I feel that they deserve the scolding, as in the working world, u CANT sleep! While on duty especially if u the one taking care of the gate. What if some train come and the gate is NOT close for the cars? Lots might lose their life. But the traveling got less when we come to KL, till am around form 3 onwards. But this time, to the northern region. I been to places that I never been before, like Ipoh, Taiping, Penang, Bukit Kayu Hitam. Although this time more for leisure, but its an eye opener for me. Normally every holiday I would probably come down to KL to shop during the December break. And when am at KL, I go back Kelantan to visit my grandma. I have to say I kinda like it there at the northern region, from Clearwater golf club, to the old Ipoh town where the dim sum there are served by those old old aunty and those uncle, aunty just back from their jog or tai chi, have a meal with their friends. Things are peaceful, a good change of pace from busy KL. And goin penang, one morning, while I was on holiday, I still saw old unlce on bicycle. At the speed at he is goin, he would be knocked down dead in KL’s road. Its also different from the busy, hectic Penang with the jam I experience before that morning, around the bridge and Gurney area. Somehow, Penang is a mix of both busy and relax.

One the highway while I was on the backseat, dreaming at and admiring the blue sky, it never fails me everytime it made me amuse, that we have a great thing right here on our own backyard. I mean, look at the green paddy field along the highway after penang, am not sure if its kedah or perlis, it do look amusing, of course we would love to go places like those we say in the movie like Lord of The Ring, where they have the HUGE field, but we have our own special and unique place right here. Though the world is HUGE, 1 thing still remain, when and where only we would know who we are? What kinda person we are? Selfish? Stubborn? Dump? Mature?

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