If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


I wish I can paint. Being a painter can make others look at things the way I see it. Maybe its easier for me to get my point across and for others to understand me if only I can describe from my very own view. Thus, there won’t be much misunderstanding, anger or upset. I always wanted to share my view. But sometimes, the view might be contradicting with others. With painting, its like a freedom of self expression. Point of view or feeling can be really subjective sometimes. Some might have their own stand or principal that maybe might not fit to everyone’s need, thus argument might occur. Of course everyone would like to have everything their own way. Apparently, only a very few of us make our own way. Most of us are trapped into a system. It can be parents or the working system or the government system. Sometimes the system might not be fair to some, so rebellious might be the answer for some, or some just accept it. And of course everyone wants everyday is the first day or spring and every heart has a song to sing. Apparently that’s just a fantasy. We cant always have what we wanted. So its up to us to accept it or reject it. Even if we HAVE to accept it with a bitter disappointment. Good things and bad things come hand in hand, it is just our luck which come more.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

my christmas wish

Its been raining non-stop tonight, since from the moment I finished my class at 7 just now. I saw the dark cloud shift swiftly and I waited for the rain to stop. And the nice part is, I saw a jumbo jet come out of the dark cloud. Can imagine all the turbulence the passenger. As the nights goes on.. I was reading my notes on my bed. I saw a few plane flying at a low altitude. Either there are lots of landing tonight or because of the pilot wanted to escape the cloud. Suddenly it strike me, the song was playing on my head “ through the years we all will be together, if the faith allows” yes is the I’ll be home for Christmas song. Last year was great Christmas. Great as in the sense of I rather lots of my friends and we had a dinner together.. am so so sorry for those that are not there because its kinda in a short notice.

Pei ling, Ashley, Raymond, amar, sharean and myself was there. Those were the days when everything was tight among us. And a chance for us to catch up. We might NOT be close as before but its nice to have the old familiar faces back. I also took this chance to gather everyone because some of us might leave for a long long time and we MIGHT not see each other again. Though I HATE it, but I guess it’s the fact of life sometimes when everyone goes their separate ways. But my very wish is, for everyone still contact each other and catch up once in a while. Though our life might change, still we should make space for our old friends, those who are with us, from the beginning. We might, think what we do last time is immature and all.. but those were the days, when we are young and do crazy stuff without thinking of the consequences.

Maybe this is the magic of Christmas. It bring everyone together. No matter how long or far we been a part especially those that we are closed to before. Maybe it’s the distance, nobody can help it, if we all don’t get close like before.. but maybe the dinner might be simple, but I think we all should grab the chance to attend it, to rekindle our friendships. Maybe that’s my Christmas wish this year. So for all my friends who is reading this, get the hint.. hehehheehe

Thursday, June 21, 2007


Walking back from class alone and being in class most of the time alone..kinda give me time to reflect…at lunch I saw a Malaysia Airlines flight flying at a low altitude..make me wonder if the flight is goin to Fumiocino airport. And when I walk the days at Europe pops into my mind, with the strong wind that am feeling now remind me of the cold Austian apls weather and some students with sunnies remind me of those Italian with their ray-ban. If you asked me if I wanna return there again, of course I would and totally with a different attitude.. more excited and more smile on my face, even if I need to carry back packs and walk for miles in the street of Europe. Living the life full of regret hunts me again… as I don appreciate my Europe stay as much as I would NOW.

With my i-pod playing Micheal Jackson’s “childhood” and “you r not alone” remind me of the days when I am young.. those were the kind of music that I used to listen to. Compared to kids or teens now listen to heavy metal, with all those gothic and black metal motif. How the world have change. I miss those days when am bout studying my primary school in Kelantan, they used to end the school on a Thursday and start on a Sunday. So every Thursday I would come back home and do my homework instantly, before that I would wash my school shoe.. I wanna finish my homework coz I wanna watch RAW is WAR. Is a wrestling show. When I watched it in my grandpa house, I kinda influence my LATE grandfather, the one grandfather that I met to it. So if my family would visit my grandparents house on the weekends, he would hold my hand and drag me watch wrestling with him, or if not, its badminton. Regardless I was playing with my other cousins.. its amazing too that old man can cook good soup. He knows my older brother love it.. so he never fail to go to the market and buy all the ingredient. As for my sister, well, as all the girls would melt men heart, so she would watch the Chinese series with him. Its sad that he is gone, when my family’s fortune is a bit better. Coz I know my parents would bring him to try the Chinese food that he is craving about or my mom would sent or accompany him and my grandma to China or other part of the world coz he love to walk and see new things, regardless his age. Maybe some part of me belive that his departure, and our sudden slight of good fortune, make me think that he is blessing all of us from up there. My only regret is I don have the chance to put the last joss stick for him.. being a Christian, my dad forbid me from it. So I was just left bowing, as I also represent my siblings as they have important exam on the final day of the funeral, thus, they fly off in the morning.

I believe that his departure is like a turning point for me. Yes me might watch tv together, but we are not as close like all my cousins with him, mainly is because of my poor Chinese. I would say it’s a turning point because, it’s the first time am showing emotion at a relative funeral.. I been involve with 2 before this.. but somehow I was moved by this 1. as the casket was putted into the oven to cremate, I was still the ice cold, emotionless… I did saw my mom cried badly during the last rites.. that a 1st too.. my dad hugged her to console her. My mom wanted me to be at the front of the coffin car.. I mean the front seat. To throw those praying paper.. being a wussy in all this thing that involve the “other” world.. I kinda hesitated, but looking at my mom like that, its hard for me to say no.. plus my dad don’t have any objection. In the van, am still afraid, with the praying played. Thank goodness my cousin was there beside me with me. At that point am still emotionless.. though I can c through the back panel mirrow, my mom was hugging the casket. The ritual before putting the casket into the oven still leave me emotionless.. but all my wall like crumble down, when the casket was about to be move in the hot oven, I saw my lil cousin who about half my age started crying.. calling my grandpa.. at that moment, like a slap that takes me back to reality.. and it says “ its YOUR grandfather funeral!” from that moment I start to show more emotion than before.. I feel that I am more expressive than before. And I kinda keep thinking more about my life. Mayb the word here help me grow, and care for other people too..

Saturday, June 16, 2007

wat i SHOULD b...

yesterday i was walking with ashley at village.. and she asked me.. " if you don do the pilot thing, what would you wan to do". interesting question.. i cant answer her in the end. not being able to b Pilot is a HUGE blow to me. i mean.. i wanted to so bad.. since i was small.. mayb around 8? my dad took me to the airport to fetch my mom as she fly to KL for work. my first time to c aeroplane up close.. i normally c it in tv or up the sky...i was small and it look like a mega structure. i always wonder that time, when Dr.M and Dato Sri Anuar was the prime minister and the deputy... how do they go to meetings in other country.. it is because i always c them in news. i used to think they go into this lift and with ultra fast velocity.. forgive me.. too much of transformafers and lego i guess. i always wonder how is snow like, how its like having 4 season, since the christmas story ALWAYS have snow.. and Malaysia always rain in december.. so i take december is our winter.. since its cold and stuff.. what an imaginative child huh? hehehehehe.. those were the days where u don hav to worry for anything. money, meal, results, responsibility all that. its great NOT to grow old huh? i also lots of new places, i mean on tv, books. i wanna go all that place. wan experience it, hows life there and stuff. and put 2 and 2 2gather.... being a pilot hav been a dream, and ambition. i work for it.. and take it as a motivation everytime there are exam especially those major one.

the longest thing that i wanted, now almost gone...but if i don b a pilot, i dono what would i b.i do hav this interst in economic and business, tho i never study any of those subject before....like the IRD ( iskandar region development) which will b another mega project for our country and attract company from all over the region, there also tax cuts. which will do good for our economy. and our stock also break the 1000 plus barrier, the highest since the economy melt down. i dono.. stuff like this just make me read more.. there are interest in that i assume. i alson wonder why ppl keep thinking why China is the fat PIG.. of course the business and economy there is picking up, but if we can conquer our region, south east asia, where there are more than 100 million ppl, wont we b successful already? the thing with china is, there are TOO much of competition. if we focus on our region only, we also helped our nation to develop, and put our country on the track...

i dono what am saying... herm.....till then, i heard there are no internet access yet at my place in CYBER, deepest apology if i di update.. all the best for those A level ppl taking exam now and enjoy u r holidays, and those that gonna start study again, ppl like bob... have fun... till then GOD bless


tomorrow i will b back to MMU.. but this time its cyberjaya campus.. went there on thursday with wai luen to attend some talk and check out my new place.. its not that bad i have to say.. but something stays the same. i guess it wont change.. which is find it is kinda foolish childish and rubbish.ppl just cant let go of thier grudge.when u come back from Europe.. i tell my self am turning into a new leaf. i don wanna make my self have lots of enemy or cause lots of misunderstnading but those who are reading this, pls pls don drag me into all of your own personal conflicts..of coz all of u can b my friends... but i wont take side or been forced to take side..if any of u push me to take side, i will repel. just to make it clear.. nobody control julian gan, so don bother try ordering me to take side or anything like that.to tell the truth, its not my choice to b at MMU, so since am stuck here, i might as well get my act togehter and got my degree and get out of here. so i wont b bother to get into all of your lil conflict... i might not sound friendly here but i feel i have to stamp my authority. Melaka is enough. my advice is let everything go.. and we all can get along.. aint that nice? think bout it..


yes thats their police
accordian man


effect of squid sauce spegetthi

never judge on how it look.. its tasty


a lil street photography
nice eh?
stmark's square
come to daddy
mom and gondola man
they don look happy

their DBKL
as i step out of the train station...

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


it is one of the most beautiful city in the world... and they say one of the romantic city in the world.so in conclusion, am privilage to visit it.. yes my frens... venice.yes i know you should go the place for honeymoon and not with family and stuff..since its romance its in the air. my sister told me if v fly there, we gonna b greeted by boats as we walk out of the airport... i was like " ya rite"

in the train i have a priest seated. he is from milano.. well my dad talked to him A LOT and being a typically busybody Malaysia i hear what they talked bout. its kinda hard not to anyways, it is just in front of me! well.. from their conversation i found out that....

  • u need to get a university degree than only u can enter theology school.

  • and a priest get paid from all the donation from people and also a small amout from the church.

  • that living in roma is not CHEAP. tho the graduate can earm about minimum 1500 euro.. but almost 3/4 of his/her salary will go to the house rental

  • italian change their car LOTS... coz an average car there cost around 5000-8000 euro...

  • and the north part of italy is very expensive if compared to the south.. like a pizza in the north u can get around 8-10 euros but in the south like Sicily you can get around 3 euro

when i've arrive in venice, my got the shock of my life.. its true!!!, i saw a river.. infront of me and on the right is the bridge that u can walk.. and lots of boat passby.. was like HOLY!!

i found out from that venice is made from 99 small islands.. so as ppl connect it is joined..

from my view, i think the taxi is the most expensive taxi in the world... since its boat and all... and of coz nicely done..look luxurious too...like an average joe.. we took the bigger boat.. its like the bus there. we took it so ST.Marks square. i got a bit of sea sick in the boat tho.. hehehehe after walking a bit.. i got my head right. and yes there is where i c the venice trademark.. the mask. and also some Murano glasses.. and not forgotten the ilusive gondola.. but its freaking expensive.. like 20 euro per person.

we did feed the birds tho.. purchased the bird food from the only person that selling.. you need a license to sell the bird food here.its kinda scary at first... i fear the beat will hurt i mean there lots of them.. and once the saw food all will come after u.

at st.marks u can find all sort of shop here.. and yes there is a ferari store.things are all red and beautiful there.. and not no mention the price too.. heheheehe. anyways luck not on on our side again as it RAIN... after a LONG day walking at st.marks we took the "bus" to the hotel... b4 reaching, it turns 1 whole round of the island.. and saw the casino too... and a special hilton hotel boat.. guess thats for the ppl who stay there. intersting view.

we decide to take shower b4 dinner as we caught in the rain.. well.. as we walked a lot, din noticed the time was around 9 ++ pm... well italian hav a habit of eating late dinner.so finding a place to eat is not problem... but the price is the problem.. it is much more expensive to eat here than other part of italy.. mayb milan can beat it.. but i don think no where else.you know lah since its an island and tourist place and stuff.. tho the food is one of the best in the trip.. interesting food like squid spegetthi and some seafood. seafood r fresh too.. we go for a walk after that.. and saw someone playin accordion by the bridge.. he was good..after the wild wind blowing.. and tomorrow we need get up early we decide to go 2 bed.

after breakfast the next morning, we went to Murano island.thats where the famous Murano glass are made. its a sacred family business and past down from generation to generation.. so ppl outside the family dono the art of doin this. and a tip for u if u gonna get a murano glass.. look up for sticker or signature of the maker to prove as its genuine.. only apply for those that buyin stuff like a vase or something.. for small thing like a ring or hair clip theres no sticker. its because lots of China imitation. we went to the factory tour, the master make it look so simple as he demostrate how to do a horse.

leave Venice and vow to return here again.. i have some unsettled business...hehehehe

Monday, June 11, 2007



a real beauty eh?

sienna sqaure

pisa can even sleep on the grass


we leave to florence the next day... stay there for about 2 days. we took the italian eurostar there. the journey took about 1++ hours nearly 2. so its kinda cut the journey time to half if we take the bus. the air of anticipation to shop surround the ladies (mom and sister) florence is the 2nd fashion capitol other than milano. other than that, florence are famous for their leather goods. there are also this mall where they sell gucci and prada at a knocked down price but only with appointment and wioth tour. the tour cost 50 euro each. but we din go there as they thing will cost crazy price.

we checked into the hotel. nice place, been greeted by the lady, ms,stefana. i realise that italians r very stylish no matter how old they areee. sunglasses is a MUST. i mean everywhere u look there must b some ray-ban, and dolce and gabana belt. after putting our bags, we head to the leather market. at the junction of the market, i can smell those leather.all their local product r here. from leather jacket to leather key chain. leather jacket cost about 150 euro which kinda intersting IF i had the cash hehehehehe... we ate at this place called "pork" was impress how the waiter use pda to take our order. i mean the only place i c that happen here is at "sagar". we took the train to a city called PISA. yes thats where the leaning tower is located. the place was beautiful.. green grass, blue cloud... the whole 9yard

day 2 we decide to blow off the Chianti wine yard trip to go to Sienna.for the reasons
  • we NEED a car to go to Chianti
  • and the hotel ppl says Sienna is much more Beautiful

we'll Chianti is one of Italy's famous wine producer... but what the heck took the bus to Sienna.. a quiet town in the Touscany region. there are some wine yard too along the way.Sienna is like a valley. so as we arrive there this HUGE square where everyone are.some sun bathe, some just soaking the sun while reading their novels and some having their meal. oh yea... there lots of shopping to do b4 the HUGE square but they kinda jack up the price since its a tourist place. i went in the video store as i c a HUGE micheal buble cut out at the shop, so i guess he got a new album. apparently i bum into some "interesting" dvd instead of buble's album. oh yea... sienna is great for street photography coz got lots of lorong and stuff, and the scenery is wonderful

off to venezia............

Sunday, June 10, 2007

roma day 1

trivoli fountain
on an evening in roma

mat poser

froza italia

memorial of the unknown soilder...

klia.........waiting for my 777-200

Saturday, June 9, 2007

bonjourno... (roma)


memorial of the unknown soldier
brilliant huh?

cost me 4 euros...and he din tell me it cost money!

i wish for............



a rainy day in the vetican

closer to God?
from fumocino airport to roma termini

upon arrival
i gonna miss saying "bonjourno" or "gurten morgen" , "si" or "graci", "prego" those are the ONLY words i use for the past 2 weeks well the first day was at roma. we leave klia around 1155 ish...my first to go international terminal at KLIA, the last was ages ago at the subang int'. i have to say was impress with it. and certainly the "Malaysia Boleh" spirit and the feeling that make u proud of this country.impressive decoration, lighting and all that lah. tho the steward and stewardess kinda disapoointing. the guys r OLD! and the girls are not like in all the advert. but oh well, kudos to them for being helpful. so we are off to Fumocino airport. one funny thing is, i feel so dried, i mean my throat and eyes when the plane iss around china/ india area.weird! or mayb the area is the low pressure area, but i should say its not FUN, feeling all dry.i did do some cathing up on movies since i been trapped in melaka. watch the will smith show that i forgotten the title.but u know which 1 it is...

upon arrival at Fumocino, the wheater is not so kind to us. is to windy and expected to rain.was exhausted when i reached the airport.and i should say their airport is not as impressive as ours.we took the train to the town, its something like our KLIA express.

first feeling of the european breeze full so chilling and yet dry as i walked out of the terminal, and yes as i expected, taxi of fancy car, i think our country only and some other rural country still using lousy car as cab. i mean even in singapore or thailand they use at least a toyota camry for their taxi.

back to the train to the town, roma in full of grafiti. its not such a welcoming enterence to the country. i mean it leave bad impression to the tourist if your wall is full of graffiti rite? as we reach to the train station ' roma termini ' my dad bought the train tickets for the journey for the rest of the trip. then we walked to the hotel. the holtel kinda like those you say in godfather movie. have a huge head with a small body, and his voice is exactly like those mafias.but he was ok. after getting a few bite, we head off to the Vetican.

in the rainy day in roma, we find our way thru and end up in the vetican. TONS of people are there.. even if its raining.i mean it can easily reach 3000 people? that is just the people standing in line just to enter ST. Peters church. we met an american family that is besed in London while we stand in line.they have this 2 small cute kids. we went in the Pope's tomb in the church. the place is kinda sacred and no noises or pictures are allowed. and we saw Pope John Paul's tomb. as the tombs r located underground, we went thru this tiny stairs that can only fit 2 person, and end up into the heart of the church, i was fasinated by the design, the architecture and the painting. i mean, the building was build hundreds of years ago, how do they do it without the proper equiptment?

after the vetican we walk a bit to the piazza. the thing with italy is, after you walk on the street and suddenly you bump into some piazza, its like a square, where lots of shop and the center piece is sure a fountaint, thus i forgotten with piazza i've been. hehehhehee. on the way i saw some Malaysian students. my guess was they are on their holiday.because Summer is just like 2 weeks away.lucky ppl. anyways... we reach to the Trivoli fountain at Spagna.the famous mountain where marlin Mongue dance in the move La docle Vita..there this Myth bout the fountain that if you throw a coin and make a wish at the mountain, you will come back again.taking my slim chances, i made my wishes...hehehehe.

walk and walk and walk made me tired, i mean i spent my last month in a room studyin for finals.. so i easily get tired. decided to take a rest infront of the Patheon. if my sejarah not mistaken, its the biggest dome ever built. its amazing how a building can move one's emotion. i saw some ppl actually cried and there this memorial place where u put your signature as a memery of those who parish when the building was build hundreds of years ago...

we proceed to italy's memorial place for the unknown soilder. its like their version of tugu negara.another sacred place. you can even seat on the steps! even to snap some pic. but the place was HUGE! you can probably most of roma if you go to the peak.

and just up the street was the Collcium (not sure bout the spelling).nothing much to say because i was so so so tired that time...i mean after 11hours of flight and all the walking. plus, the sun don set till its 8 ++ and the sun rise about 5 a.m.
dinner was interesting... the waiter was like, you from Malaysia? and instantly he was punching his chest and kissing his fist, and said "anuar ibrahim" after a long day, we retire to bed and prepare out trip to firenze(florence) the next day...