the view behind the shade
If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Stepping in the working world seems to change a lot of us,with me included.my promise to NOT go in the vicious cycle of the hamster wheel,seems unavoidable.like many I am working to pay off my commitment,and working to add other material commitment such as a house,which seems to be the last nail on my coffin in the cycle.which translate myself to be literally and forever doomed being a slave worker.to add insult to injury the real estate price today it seems impossible,once I heard a quote, "if you are earning less than RM5,000,you will be the next generation of homeless people."
Coming to the new year which is 2013 and even today is the second day of lunar new year,a lot of things have change in the past 1 month.its amazing how powerful God is,to change thing so quickly. 21st Dec 2012, was the turning point,for me and also my family. Alyssa was born.our family first baby. Making myself naik pangkat to be an uncle.however the twist is,she was born with several disorder.of the 99% chances,she was the unlucky 1% percent.the incident certainly changes everything.all the family lifestyle and also focus is on her.nothing seems to matter anymore.money? Possession? Ego? Pride? All that doesn't matter as long as she get well.until today,she have yet to return home.but the tough cookie herself is getting well and hopefully all the operation goes well.i acknowledge since the first day I rushed myself to pantai hospital to the intensive care unit alone,with my brother in law.i know this is a marathon.and it is proven weeks later from the doctor's test.
This event also marks my first time in my 24 years of living NOT in kelantan for CNY.the feeling is different not celebrating it there,although I don't need to endure the hours of car ride home,but somehow I know God have plans for me.Not going back,and canceling my annual leave to go back to work due to dateline,is also frustrating to be honest.but I know it's a test from the Man Himself.
2013 have been a really challenging year so far,needing to be strong with the roller coaster news that the doctor are giving,needing me to see the positive side of things no matter how negative the news is.so I could cheer both my sister and brother in law.somehow I know I can't collapse no matter how down I feel sometimes.this adds to added responsibility and required to put on a brave face at work no matter what happen.
Although it is just the beginning of the year,somehow I feel it's already been so so damn long.it is a testing period for sure.not sure this is just the start of this season but wishing and hoping a brighter season is coming along,like the rainbow from the rain.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
It has been almost 2-3 months since I last blogged. I feel like this blog is something like the video in the movie Total Recall. Where I reminded myself, who I am and what I strongly believe in. And those that would take my memory away from this is the path of life it self. It is not saying that life path is bad, just that sometimes you are too caught up with your daily life, struggle to make it in your career, makes you just lost or forgotten of who you really are, forget about the child voice within.
Time and experience will certainly change a person. I personally go through this. On how I've changed my perspective. Taking for example leaving Bangsar from Klang. Grow up in a school and environment others would envy of, although none of us feel that we are a class above the rest. Just mention the word Bangsar sometimes make people feel inferior, I don't fully understand it until I move to Klang. Being is such strategic real estate area, which is near to town, it is appealing for the working class, and being so called the hip and happening with plenty of angmoh around, lots of the younger generation would like to boast that 'hey I hang out in Bangsar" rather than when you say Klang, people would associated it with the far geographical position from downtown KL. It makes them sound cool and better inside, although they might come from other place just to hang out there. You could really tell the different from those who is really from there and just 'hang out' there.
But now I spend most of my time in Klang or Melaka more than in Bangsar. Yes although all the friends do ask me to go over and meet up as how they put it that ' this is your hood '. I spend more time with the family more nowadays thus makes me understand them more. And this have changed my view, and also priority. Although my place is far from the hip and happening, but being far from all that have its blessing, which is more time with the family.
This is a part of God's plan for me. Although I am not the strongest of christian believer. I feel that this is His, plan. When I move to Klang, I've complain and etc... but at the end of the 'struggle' He will show you the light, what is the blessing behind all that struggle. It is just a state of mind, if we were to open up our heart and mind and think of the positive things that come out of it.
Having said that, I have yet to know what is His plan for me in my career. Probably now is the 'struggle' stage. Yes work is alright now. But it is not how I imagine it to be. My pilot dream if I were to be realistic, from The Sun article that I read last week where there are 1000 plus cadet who are graduate is jobless, and the current status of my eyesight. Who am I kidding? myself? Statistic doesn't lie and yes I have yet to confront that matter and accept that it's virtually over. Certainly this statement does not and would not come from me if I were say 2-3 years ago. But again, as I have mention earlier above, time will change a person. Working does give me the hard reality of life. Work certainly kills off the voice of the child within you. Apart from work, others decision also play a role that would effect you. Come September , I would certainly not be seating on the heir of the 150 million ringgit of annual turnover business.
I hope that in the end of the day, I could still stay positive despite multiple setbacks and see His plan , the bigger picture and eventual outcome for me like how I see it for my move to Klang.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
So I decide to blog after a long hiatus. The blog seems quite quiet for the past few months, mine and also the rest of the gang. Probably they are too caught up with work. Would like to blog on my recent trip to Saigon, was quite an eye opener. But I guess that is for another sunshiny day.
Work today was bad. It's been like that ever since am back from my vacation. I did a few thinking especially during the dinner on the cruise ship when everyone was away dancing. But today, it really hit me. I was driving on the NPE and off to Sunway heading towards Kesas Highway on the way home. As I passing through the tunnel, with the giant Egyptian statue of Sunway Piramid welcoming me, I look to the sky as it was a sunny day. A firefly ATR was making a left turn after taking off from Subang, as I move along further, I saw an unusual flight, I think it is she, the A380. I know MAS is receiving it somewhere this time. And it was confirm when I go on the net.
Then it strike me, the mix of emotion of "WTF am I doing?" All the place I go ever seen I leave high school, planes are following me like a shadow. With the cadet plane in Melaka, where I admire it, from my 11th floor Ixora apartment and also from E-1-B where plane flew by day and night off , even when the walk to cyberpark, there is flight, flying onto the sunset. Are these sign? or God just teasing me of a sign " If you want it, come and get it! " or just "You can look at it, but can never have it".
Whatever the sign is, it does bring a dark cloud to my day. I don't think what I am doing now is any close to that target, that destination.It is just a rude reality check, and wake up call. I am not sure what will I do, if I don't get this chance. However I always would like to have an experience abroad. For those who know me, probably New York and London would be my choice. But how to reach to that goal?
It this the right way? sometimes don't you just wonder? I do, trained as an engineer, the best way always to know what is happening and what is it at the end of the tunnel. However I am still not certain if I am doing. Those who have walked through the tunnel, says just walk and don't think. But after almost a year of walking, and a below average KPI mark, regardless whatever review or praises, it makes me wonder if I am in the right way. After all, whatever matters is on the paper.
Friday, March 23, 2012
|After N number of try, Ah Phoon finally gather his courage|
|Meisiem and the model|
|Meisiem head leaning towards the direction of her heart|
|Before the race!|
But instead of all the adrenaline rush that sport provide, I spend my time now trying to sleep at 10.55 p.m on a Friday night. That's how much things can change in a year. Have the time to live wild,young and free passed?
|And of course the million dollar shot|
Sunday, March 18, 2012
I am glad to help my friend whenever I could. To see them, satisfied with their job which means I be making some phone call to make their assignment happen, so be it. Guess that what friends are for. Other than Cav, Fiona also worked for Xing Xing. Both I've met at Brats. I guess its that they achieve their ambition, to earn a living and support themself by writing.
8 months coming to 9th month of working for, its been like a roller coaster. But for now, it is just plain frustration. That's the disadvantage of being in a trading company as you need support from the principal. Unfortunately for me, my principal is not the most helpful of all. Thus, the frustration when there is nothing much you can do. Clients already been found, convince, all the hard work have been done, but the time for execution have been a let down. I feel its down to two reason, either I am not good enough at my job to convince them to support, me or they are just to laid back and don't see Malaysia is a good market.
Took a leave, just to re-evaluate if this is a right path. Other than, frustration at work, things also don look so good at home. Tomorrow is another day, a start of a new week. Currently my evaluation, all the reason I could conclude is down to cash. Lots people know I always wanted to be a pilot. But to be realistic, even Air Asia X is cutting their route, and even giant like SIA request their pilot to be on leave. That is how tough the outlook on the airline industry. Thus my next priority is to make as much cash, like other people in the working world, or majority of us, asked, why do we work? to get money of course, as materialistic as it sound , but that is the fact.
How much will be enough? Right now I would say 300k, just to support myself through flying school. Or for me to afford an Audi R8 and a house.Then I'll be contented. But things might change, so they say. Perhaps I need more off days, to really think my path. Or perhaps, I need to work with Pei Se and Yee Kean again, although all of us work in 3 different companies now, I wish one day we all will be back again, like how we go though our degree year.
I know I've been a disappointment to Dr.Ong, Ms.Tan, 2 person that I feel really make a different in my degree years, especially during my final year. I do look up to both of them, although sometimes I don't seem fond of them. Dr. Ong who guided me through Mini-P, I still remember my e-mails to him on what to read on CdSe Quantum Dots during the holiday, just to prepare myself. As I would want to avoid other mini-p which involve programming as that was my biggest fear. The first time I enter his room to meet him with Yee kean and Pei Se, he goes " oh you are Julian". But the last conversation I talked to him during convocation as he asked me where am I working now, " oh selling properties? " just a disappointment in his tone, as if all his work to nurture me gone to waste. And so does Ms Tan, although her way is a typical engineer way to approach a human relationship - Results above the rest. But I feel I won her over with my constantly being around and never miss a session for the project. But I definitely burn the bridge with her, when I turn down her job offer. Let it be, if she feel I refuse to help me- being one of her people or that's the last part of her deal to repay my effort in her project. Whatever it is, I feel thankful to her.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Moving on 2012, I spend my new year eve this time welcoming in a more social manner, as compared to how I welcome 2011 with 2 boxes and pizza and with my Final Year Project on my computer. I went to Bukit Tinggi/Janda Baik with 2 of the boys and 2 more of our girl friends. From there we move foward and forgetting about our anger towards this friend and about him in general, and promise to commit to play badminton, one of our favourite past time every friday.
Then come the time for one of us to have his big day, wedding day. During the yamcha session after badminton, I suggest to my friend to invite him to the wedding. After all, it would be the last chance, and last hope or last throw of the dice to save the friendship. So he did. However the message did not get him until Out of the blue, the friend texted me to wish me Happy Chinese New Year. I feel it is a sign, thus I intervene again asking if he would come to the wedding, he did not notice the invitation until my text. Long story short, against all odd, even on the day itself, we have our doubts on him coming, as he always promise to turn up but did not. But this time he pull through.
Another event is more a family story. As I have this cousin which is much older than me. When he was young, he stayed with my family until he was standard, as his parents was going through hard time, thus my mom took him in. He was brought up along with me and my siblings. However, he grew up closely with my brother as their age is almost the same,and I was too young then.
My parents especially my father did have quite a bond with him. Their bond goes was back. And as hard headed, and how mat rempit he was during his secondary school days, and rebel days during his collage years, I know he listen to my parents and goes to them when he need advice or help. Even though they argue, he will still listen, no matter how unhappy he looks. Taking from him, who is also short tempered when ever anyone else try to lecture him, but my parents got a way with him.
Unfortunately something happen 2 years ago, between my cousin and my father. I personally feel it is a small thing. However, the ego of two grown man got the better of them.the cold war goes on for 2 year until this Chinese New Year. Till he wanted to go to his wife to be house for engagement. That morning, I confronted my mom and explain to her how I wish to intervene like how I did for my friend case earlier. She gave me an earful because she told me as if she did not try. But 30 minutes later she told my cousin to go up and invite my dad personally. And the rest like they say it, its history. Even this long weekend, my cousin and his wife is at my house almost everyday.
Although these relationships does not involve me directly, sometimes, I feel it is not always have to be about ourself, taking a step back from the spotlight, looking at others being happy, make me glad too. In addition to witnessing my good friend taking a step in marriage, and my brother and his girlfriend, seems to be having a smooth sailing one make me happy for them. Got me thinking, maybe it is time to look into my own matter, where is my direction will heading to. Rather it is personal or career.