the view behind the shade

If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Those bygone year

Finally a weekend that I am home. May have been quite a hectic month with a lot of traveling to do. I believe this is the only weekend am home.the last was i believe was the election weekend. 

I feel that us human including myself is a funny creature. We wish to be in the future but when the time arrived, we wish to be in the past. Confused? Take example that when you are in school you wish to be in the working world and vice versa. 

Facebook have been quite a useful tool to remind us of this. Not only it good to stalk people, but the pictures and comment that we wrote are painted there and it brings back memories. Not only how we dress up then and now, also how our thought process have grown. 

Looking back at my own pictures, friends farewell before they further their studies abroad,uni trips,come graduation, and the annual meet up when everyone is working. It quite a transformation, and this timeline or storyline will continue,when the next chapter will probably, a house warming, wedding follows by child birth. This will be the normal cycle. 

But will everyone be in the same picture?as per the previous chapters? It is a normally cycle upon graduation, we all set sail to our own path and destination.once work, a new set of friends will exist. Those are the people that we will most likely share our tears and joy on a daily basis.

Unless you are working together with your 'old' friend, separation due to work its course. It will be down to how much you want to keep in touch with the old friends.

I have observe a lot of thing have happened just between the period of 12 months. Jan 12 to jan 13. Well, our work load will be more than before at work as the 'experience' kicks in. All this makes me notice that time is really moving very very fast. Even the busy month of may i have yet able to digest. Some would say, 'welcome to the real world' but those bygone years will be one that we will cherish the most.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Time to grow up

It's been ages since I've post or visited the blog.the season of writing blog seems so yesterday.lots of my comrade's blog seems dead.i guess the transition to other medium of social media platform such a tweeter,whatsapp etc are more appealing nowadays.this also as all of us are working now.yes WORKING!

Stepping in the working world seems to change a lot of us,with me promise to NOT go in the vicious cycle of the hamster wheel,seems many I am working to pay off my commitment,and working to add other material commitment such as a house,which seems to be the last nail on my coffin in the cycle.which translate myself to be literally and forever doomed being a slave add insult to injury the real estate price today it seems impossible,once I heard a quote, "if you are earning less than RM5,000,you will be the next generation of homeless people."

Coming to the new year which is 2013 and even today is the second day of lunar new year,a lot of things have change in the past 1 month.its amazing how powerful God is,to change thing so quickly. 21st Dec 2012, was the turning point,for me and also my family. Alyssa was born.our family first baby. Making myself naik pangkat to be an uncle.however the twist is,she was born with several disorder.of the 99% chances,she was the unlucky 1% percent.the incident certainly changes everything.all the family lifestyle and also focus is on her.nothing seems to matter Possession? Ego? Pride? All that doesn't matter as long as she get well.until today,she have yet to return home.but the tough cookie herself is getting well and hopefully all the operation goes well.i acknowledge since the first day I rushed myself to pantai hospital to the intensive care unit alone,with my brother in law.i know this is a marathon.and it is proven weeks later from the doctor's test.

This event also marks my first time in my 24 years of living NOT in kelantan for CNY.the feeling is different not celebrating it there,although I don't need to endure the hours of car ride home,but somehow I know God have plans for me.Not going back,and canceling my annual leave to go back to work due to dateline,is also frustrating to be honest.but I know it's a test from the Man Himself.

2013 have been a really challenging year so far,needing to be strong with the roller coaster news that the doctor are giving,needing me to see the positive side of things no matter how negative the news I could cheer both my sister and brother in law.somehow I know I can't collapse no matter how down I feel sometimes.this adds to added responsibility and required to put on a brave face at work no matter what happen.

Although it is just the beginning of the year,somehow I feel it's already been so so damn is a testing period for sure.not sure this is just the start of this season but wishing and hoping a brighter season is coming along,like the rainbow from the rain.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Graduation 2012

Comes the October wind again and its time for convocation. Stated the lecturer's FB status. And today, officially all of the friend in the same batch graduated. The first convocation that I witness or be around campus is in 2010, to see some friends that graduated earlier. Then 2011, was my year and 2012 I see it is the others turn. 

Life is such, that we need to put the puzzle together. God give you a bit of hint here and there, but for us to put all the jigsaw together at the end of the day to have any overview or a term that was constantly thrown nowadays, ' lesson learn'.

On the way to the graduation this morning, one signification line in the song 'Graduation' hit me it says

" As our life change, we will be friends forever"

It is very true that once we leave university,all our life have changed, due to these two reasons

  1. Job
  2. Location
Let it be interest, let it be family, friends, companions, opportunity, luck or so many other factors that could play a role. Ideally, nobody wants to be apart and doing things that they have no interest in, or nobody wants to be stuck in 2 hours of jam everyday and having to wake up and get back when the sky is already dark. 

Thus the first piece of puzzle today is all of us will go our separate ways, regardless we are happy with it or not, as for a fact I know 2 best of friends are not happy to be far apart from each other, where one is in Peninsular and the other is in the borneo part of Malaysia.

Then I went to breakfast in Puchong. Pei Se told me that she have a few items that she missed having in Puchong. So the both of us met the rest in the usual dim sum restaurant that we usually eat. Then the first significant person I saw was Crystal, as this is my first time I saw her since she have arrive all the way from Bintulu yesterday.

The second lesson here is the value of friendship. There are 3 of our friends graduated this time. Yee Kean, Yin Fung and also Pei Chin. For these three, few of us travel from far just to congratulate them in person. Sometimes it also about the money to travel, but mostly it about the heart. Taking time to spare with your friends. In a year of 365.5 days, how many days do we have to spare for gathering especially with everyone is working and annual leave are limited?

As I arrived campus, the 3 main person is not out from the graduation hall yet. Decided to walk around, to get the old feel in the campus while others are looking for flowers. There are a few familiar faces that I've bump into.But of all the old faces no would be other than Lynda. Don't get me wrong, but what do you feel when you got to know that most likely you won't see them again.
Going back then, when I've first met her in the meeting in Voices Club. She was a freshman/woman then, just joined MMU after her form 6. And the first few questions she asked was " How the hell I get through ?" as that time I almost half way in finishing my studies. Fast Forward to today, its her special day. She did get through with flying colours perhaps. Another good thing to hear is that she will be getting marry in 2 years.

Lesson number 3, there are a lot of people that we know, some we get close to, or some we just kenal kenal cina. But being able to remember the person, that I believe what makes yourself  different from others. Some you might have forgotten their name. 

In a nutshell, today's lesson is all about friendship.Will there be other occasion for all of us to gather again? I don't think so. Especially with the friends you make but in not in the close circle. Graduation is probably the time to say goodbye as sad as it sound. Maybe facebook would be a key tool. But when we will meet again? Maybe for a holiday, maybe when someone get marry? Who knows.... But as cliche as the saying goes.... " Friends are forever" 

Friday, August 24, 2012

Total Recall

Have you watch the movie Total Recall? If you do, sure you would remember the scene where the hero got to know about what happen to him in the pass via a video that he himself have recorded before he was abducted and wiped out all his memory.

It has been almost 2-3 months since I last blogged. I feel like this blog is something like the video in the movie Total Recall. Where I reminded myself, who I am and what I strongly believe in. And those that would take my memory away from this is the path of life it self. It is not saying that life path is bad, just that sometimes you are too caught up with your daily life, struggle to make it in your career, makes you just lost or forgotten of who you really are, forget about the child voice within.

Time and experience will certainly change a person. I personally go through this. On how I've changed my perspective. Taking for example leaving Bangsar from Klang. Grow up in a school and environment others would envy of, although none of us feel that we are a class above the rest. Just mention the word Bangsar sometimes make people feel inferior, I don't fully understand it until I move to Klang. Being is such strategic real estate area, which is near to town, it is appealing for the working class, and being so called the hip and happening with plenty of angmoh around, lots of the younger generation would like to boast that 'hey I hang out in Bangsar" rather than when you say Klang, people would associated it with the far geographical position from downtown KL. It makes them sound cool and better inside, although they might come from other place just to hang out there. You could really tell the different from those who is really from there and just 'hang out' there.

But now I spend most of my time in Klang or Melaka more than in Bangsar. Yes although all the friends do ask me to go over and meet up as how they put it that ' this is your hood '. I spend more time with the family more nowadays thus makes me understand them more. And this have changed my view, and also priority. Although my place is far from the hip and happening, but being far from all that have its blessing, which is more time with the family.

 This is a part of God's plan for me. Although I am not the strongest of christian believer. I feel that this is His, plan. When I move to Klang, I've complain and etc... but at the end of the 'struggle' He will show you the light, what is the blessing behind all that struggle. It is just a state of mind, if we were to open up our heart and mind and think of the positive things that come out of it.

Having said that, I have yet to know what is His plan for me in my career. Probably now is the 'struggle' stage. Yes work is alright now. But it is not how I imagine it to be. My pilot dream if I were to be realistic, from The Sun article that I read last week where there are 1000 plus cadet who are graduate is jobless, and the current status of my eyesight. Who am I kidding? myself? Statistic doesn't lie and yes I have yet to confront that matter and accept that it's virtually over. Certainly this statement does not and would not come from me if I were say 2-3 years ago.  But again, as I have mention earlier above, time will change a person. Working does give me the hard reality of life. Work certainly kills off the voice of the child within you. Apart from work, others decision also play a role that would effect you. Come September , I would certainly not be seating on the heir of the 150 million ringgit of annual turnover business.

I hope that in the end of the day, I could still stay positive despite multiple setbacks and see His plan , the bigger picture and eventual outcome for me like how I see it for my move to Klang.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Jet plane, where art thou?

So I decide to blog after a long hiatus. The blog seems quite quiet for the past few months, mine and also the rest of the gang. Probably they are too caught up with work. Would like to blog on my recent trip to Saigon, was quite an eye opener. But I guess that is for another sunshiny day.

Work today was bad. It's been like that ever since am back from my vacation. I did a few thinking especially during the dinner on the cruise ship when everyone was away dancing. But today, it really hit me. I was driving on the NPE and off to Sunway heading towards Kesas Highway on the way home. As I passing through the tunnel, with the giant Egyptian statue of Sunway Piramid welcoming me, I look to the sky as it was a sunny day. A firefly ATR was making a left turn after taking off from Subang, as I move along further, I saw an unusual flight, I think it is she, the A380. I know MAS is receiving it somewhere this time. And it was confirm when I go on the net.

Then it strike me, the mix of emotion of "WTF am I doing?" All the place I go ever seen I leave high school, planes are following me like a shadow. With the cadet plane in Melaka, where I admire it, from my 11th floor Ixora apartment and also from E-1-B where plane flew by day and night off , even when the walk to cyberpark, there is flight, flying onto the sunset. Are these sign? or God just teasing me of a sign " If you want it, come and get it! " or just "You can look at it, but can never have it".

Whatever the sign is, it does bring a dark cloud to my day. I don't think what I am doing now is any close to that target, that destination.It is just a rude reality check, and wake up call. I am not sure what will I do, if I don't get this chance. However I always would like to have an experience abroad. For those who know me, probably New York and London would be my choice. But how to reach to that goal?

It this the right way? sometimes don't you just wonder? I do, trained as an engineer, the best way always to know what is happening and what is it at the end of the tunnel. However I am still not certain if I am doing. Those who have walked through the tunnel, says just walk and don't think. But after almost a year of walking, and a below average KPI mark, regardless whatever review or praises, it makes me wonder if I am in the right way. After all, whatever matters is on the paper.

Friday, March 23, 2012

how fast

What is the fastest time clocked for 100m sprint? How long do you take to drive around a 5.7km circuit? How fast can you change your car tire? Formula one team take on average 9 seconds to change all four tires along with refueling the car. A 5.7 km circuit would probably take them 1.26 seconds to complete. On average they are running at 200km/h. Breaking from 200km/h to 0 km/h in seconds certainly the driver would experience high G forces. But that what they do for a living.

It is Formula One weekend in KL. A lots of glamorous events happening all across town. It is also chance for restaurant and F&B outlets to make promotions and people are out to socialize and have fun, after all it is the weekend. Probably the ferrari club gathers outside concorde hotel now in support for their team for Sunday race.

Last year, me too soak in the euphoria of F1 fever that hit Malaysia.We purchase the grandstand seat and go there for the qualifying race, race day, and also the concert, where we witness ourself aunties fight for Rain's sweaty towel.

After N number of try, Ah Phoon finally gather his courage

Meisiem and the model

Meisiem head leaning towards the direction of her heart
Before the race!

But instead of all the adrenaline rush that sport provide, I spend my time now trying to sleep at 10.55 p.m on a Friday night. That's how much things can change in a year. Have the time to live wild,young and free passed?

And of course the million dollar shot

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Rant of frustration

Cav called on Fri night, was a surprise. She needs help on her assignment, as she is searching people to interview regarding the new Indonesian's maid policy. As her Datuk editor for xing xing newspaper wanted to publish the story by Sat.Thank God, things work out well and the news is out on Sat.

I am glad to help my friend whenever I could. To see them, satisfied with their job which means I be making some phone call to make their assignment happen, so be it. Guess that what friends are for. Other than Cav, Fiona also worked for Xing Xing. Both I've met at Brats. I guess its that they achieve their ambition, to earn a living and support themself by writing.

8 months coming to 9th month of working for, its been like a roller coaster. But for now, it is just plain frustration. That's the disadvantage of being in a trading company as you need support from the principal. Unfortunately for me, my principal is not the most helpful of all. Thus, the frustration when there is nothing much you can do. Clients already been found, convince, all the hard work have been done, but the time for execution have been a let down. I feel its down to two reason, either I am not good enough at my job to convince them to support, me or they are just to laid back and don't see Malaysia is a good market.

Took a leave, just to re-evaluate if this is a right path. Other than, frustration at work, things also don look so good at home. Tomorrow is another day, a start of a new week. Currently my evaluation, all the reason I could conclude is down to cash.  Lots people know I always wanted to be a pilot. But to be realistic, even Air Asia X is cutting their route, and even giant like SIA request their pilot to be on leave. That is how tough the outlook on  the airline industry. Thus my next priority is to make as much cash, like other people in the working world, or majority of us, asked, why do we work? to get money of course, as materialistic as it sound , but that is the fact.

How much will be enough? Right now I would say 300k, just to support myself through flying school. Or for me to afford an Audi R8 and a house.Then I'll be contented. But things might change, so they say. Perhaps I need more off days, to really think my path. Or perhaps, I need to work with Pei Se and Yee Kean again, although all of us work in 3 different companies now, I wish one day we all will be back again, like how we go though our degree year.

I know I've been a disappointment to Dr.Ong, Ms.Tan, 2 person that I feel really make a different in my degree years, especially during my final year. I do look up to both of them, although sometimes I don't seem fond of them. Dr. Ong who guided me through Mini-P, I still remember my e-mails to him on what to read on CdSe Quantum Dots during the holiday, just to prepare myself. As I would want to avoid other mini-p which involve programming as that was my biggest fear. The first time I enter his room to meet him with Yee kean and Pei Se, he goes " oh you are Julian". But the last conversation I talked to him during convocation as he asked me where am I working now, " oh selling properties? " just a disappointment in his tone, as if all his work to nurture me gone to waste. And so does Ms Tan, although her way is a typical engineer way to approach a human relationship - Results above the rest.  But I feel I won her over with my constantly being around and never miss a session for the project. But I definitely burn the bridge with her, when I turn down her job offer. Let it be, if she feel I refuse to help me- being one of her people or that's the last part of her deal to repay my effort in her project. Whatever it is, I feel thankful to her.