If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Rant of frustration
I am glad to help my friend whenever I could. To see them, satisfied with their job which means I be making some phone call to make their assignment happen, so be it. Guess that what friends are for. Other than Cav, Fiona also worked for Xing Xing. Both I've met at Brats. I guess its that they achieve their ambition, to earn a living and support themself by writing.
8 months coming to 9th month of working for, its been like a roller coaster. But for now, it is just plain frustration. That's the disadvantage of being in a trading company as you need support from the principal. Unfortunately for me, my principal is not the most helpful of all. Thus, the frustration when there is nothing much you can do. Clients already been found, convince, all the hard work have been done, but the time for execution have been a let down. I feel its down to two reason, either I am not good enough at my job to convince them to support, me or they are just to laid back and don't see Malaysia is a good market.
Took a leave, just to re-evaluate if this is a right path. Other than, frustration at work, things also don look so good at home. Tomorrow is another day, a start of a new week. Currently my evaluation, all the reason I could conclude is down to cash. Lots people know I always wanted to be a pilot. But to be realistic, even Air Asia X is cutting their route, and even giant like SIA request their pilot to be on leave. That is how tough the outlook on the airline industry. Thus my next priority is to make as much cash, like other people in the working world, or majority of us, asked, why do we work? to get money of course, as materialistic as it sound , but that is the fact.
How much will be enough? Right now I would say 300k, just to support myself through flying school. Or for me to afford an Audi R8 and a house.Then I'll be contented. But things might change, so they say. Perhaps I need more off days, to really think my path. Or perhaps, I need to work with Pei Se and Yee Kean again, although all of us work in 3 different companies now, I wish one day we all will be back again, like how we go though our degree year.
I know I've been a disappointment to Dr.Ong, Ms.Tan, 2 person that I feel really make a different in my degree years, especially during my final year. I do look up to both of them, although sometimes I don't seem fond of them. Dr. Ong who guided me through Mini-P, I still remember my e-mails to him on what to read on CdSe Quantum Dots during the holiday, just to prepare myself. As I would want to avoid other mini-p which involve programming as that was my biggest fear. The first time I enter his room to meet him with Yee kean and Pei Se, he goes " oh you are Julian". But the last conversation I talked to him during convocation as he asked me where am I working now, " oh selling properties? " just a disappointment in his tone, as if all his work to nurture me gone to waste. And so does Ms Tan, although her way is a typical engineer way to approach a human relationship - Results above the rest. But I feel I won her over with my constantly being around and never miss a session for the project. But I definitely burn the bridge with her, when I turn down her job offer. Let it be, if she feel I refuse to help me- being one of her people or that's the last part of her deal to repay my effort in her project. Whatever it is, I feel thankful to her.