If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

why we are looked down upon?

  • the word "local". if those old people ask u, or ur fren's parent ask u, " where u study?" i study "locally". the impression will be different if the answer was " i study overseas" and if ur fren is a girl, most probably the parents would be all over the boy. like " oh he so smart, oh he so handsome, or cute" although he might looked like crap. let face it, mayb we might not b THAT meterialistic, of course there are some part of us still hav that. or if u go to interview for job, even if u would get 1st grade and carry ur self well, and the other got an overseas degree, it add more weight to their CV, although they might just b a 2nd class student. think bout when some new local car being produce, sure thats lots of critics. "ah ya... tin milo la.." but think bout it this way, if we as malaysian don support our national car, who will? honda, or toyota or bmw wont produce such a good car if the people in their homeland don suppport them, they need support to develop new technology.
  • " jaguh kampung" the university u r in might be the best in the country from the ranking, and might beat the once invincible UM debate team and kick butt in robotic challenge. but does it matter? you are still get a Malaysian degree, not UK, or US or Australia. it still wont be good enough to impress those coperate pigs.
  • glamour. if some girl would come up to the guy and asked, "where u study?" ," oh am in taylors/sunway/help" the impression will be WAY different if u tell them "am studying in MMU" the normal response will be " where?" even if u google for it, the first result will be " manchester metropolitan uni". and the impression will be given is, " mayb some ulu place with some ulu people" but, really, no matter where people might come from, as long as they are nice. mayb here, the international study from some 3rd world country like somalia, or Khazastan, and not some advance people from france or gemany, but that doenst mean a right to be looked down upon.we HAVE to remember our roots. maybe we can be some big shot in some bank or CEO of a international company, and drive the big car and hav some sky high office, like donald trump and everywhere we go we have to be first class. but do we ever remember our roots? if its not for that, will it bring us to wher we are today? i wont condemn anyone, but my own family. the uncle i hav in singapore, of course he is rich, drive BMW, and hav a multimillion dollar home there, and have overseas trip everytime.and his wife is not that bad too, as she works in an international bank, earning 5 -6 figures. but i really don like him because, he always condemn Malaysia.from the road side food stall, to the drivers on the highway. Fuck, u brought up in a kampung too ok?
  • looks. this is something that we cant control. i mean we are born with our own looks. for me, i have a so called "horny" smile. it might scare people away, but i cant do anything as thats how i smile. that goes the same as ugly people. i wont be a perfect gentleman and say that i never say bad stuff bout them, and am sure everyone have. like wen u eating and some ugly or fat people passed by, for sure there are some gossip. but really, does "cute" guys or "hot rockin bod" chic only matters?if it is, it make me sad, as why must it be so superficial. for me personally, and OK looking girl would be good enough, whats important is, is how they treat you. what the point of getting some hot chic wen they say they love u in front of u and behind u, they go rocking on other guys?
  • money.money can be the root of all evil. money can make us forget about ourself.and at the same time, money can buy lots of thing, but happiness? that depends on the individual.again, to impress, it would be lots of point will be added, if u drive the big car and have all the material stuff. i mean, if u would go and pick ur gf up, and u r in some imported car, am sure the mother would feel.. erm let say some sense of "security", as its every mother's dream for their daughter to have a rich husband so their daughter would be well taken care of and not struggle with life. but as one saying goes, " you can looked down on anyone but not young people" because young people have time in their hand. of course they might be some mat rempit or a bum NOW. but people DO change. and with time on their hand, young people can prove lots wrong by being successful. i mean, how many that drive big car to fetch their gf now?if they do too, its their parents money. maybe some would say, " nvm la, still rich wat, some more can go cut hair at A' cut above, look so cute in that armani shirt, and study overseas somemore". its really disappointing to hear that kind of answer, but thats only me being disappointed, as i got them a lot from family, frens. but i guess its their life.whatever other might say, guess we should swallow it, put out head down, but never put our chin down, instead of feeling sorry for ourself, we should work extra hard to prove them wrong.

in life, we cant really control what people would think of us.people might say harsh words to u, looked down upon u, because of some so called 'weakness' like u don look as cute as the other guy, or u r fat and not sexy enough, or even if u r not as well to do as others. but its not really our fault as our appearence as how we are born. as for money? well, some might be luckier than others. some the fortune have been passed down, and some make their own money. i guess we gotta be gretful with what we hav. if people don accept u because you cant live up to their standard of caviar, fine 1826 wine,or have the big car, den its nothing much we can do about it, but to accept that others don think we are at their standard of living, in other words, not good enough for them.

whatever it takes

Now there's a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together whatever it takes

he feels like the sun is starting to shine again... =)

a discussion is where all the parties come 2 gather to an agreement.tralalalalalala... * skip skip*

Saturday, March 29, 2008

LDR sweet moment of the week

Selamat tinggal kasih

sampai kita jumpa lagi

Aku pergi...Takkan lama..

Hanya sekejap saja

ku akan kembali lagi

Asalkan engkau tetap menanti

great song for you LDR people out there.

its sunday and time to review what been happening this week.

  • i had some mystery gift from the Megastore@ old trafford. even when friends, still can think something to buy.and nothing is cheap in the store too. though is not good to spend lots but how sweet is that?
  • jason and his gf. tell me, how many girls would take the trouble of taking bus from taylors to cyberjaya? and mayb need exchange bus and the journey took about at least 30-45 mins in hot hot Malaysia?not many i think, i mean normally the girl would wait for their bf to visit them instead.but taking all that trouble, do make lots go "awwww...." and worth to b envy bout.even though she don visit everyweek, and jason probably visit often, still, its something she do to work on their LDR.don it take 2 to tango? so kudos to both of them


maybe this is what all that who is related wanted to see. i know my blog add have been spreading lots till some even link them, without me noticing.i know who u r, mayb not all, and yes some of u would love to see i fall, so hard.

my dreams or what i wanted is
  1. make a change in the world, even playing small part like not taking the plastic bag if i don need it, wen i purchased stuff. or better still to be a UN goodwill ambassadoor
  2. to hav a smile on my face and also put the smile on others
  3. to fly the plane, and earn the money so i can provide to my family, and also at the same time look at the world. and hav enough to hire il divo to sing"mama" for my mom for mother's day.
  4. for the min time, i wan some result from all my striving
  5. to have things goes my way once in a while
  6. to have something to look forward to day by day instead of wishing the day to end asap
  7. to get my parents tickets to celine dion concert
  8. to see my sibings do well for their carrer and everything they do.
  9. to have a lil bit of control on things
  10. no more conflicts around, loved one, frens.

well i guess You showed me, that You are not to be mess with. its a harsh lesson,from my mistake.its true what they say that You can take what You wan and at the same time give what You wan. but You know how i felt. why must i be pushed in such a tight corner?i just wan take things off my mind, and mayb thats the wrong road, still, You should know how frustrated i was. You know i work hard, You know all i do, all that 10 things that i wanted, can i hav ANY of those? mayb am not gretful to Your blessing,as i complain lots.but how much more You wan to push me? after all my just a human. don the lesson being teached and the punishment You put on me is enough? i mean, i even apologise for something i don think am at fault.how low You wan me to go?all my pride i pushed aside, as low as the beggar at the street.a human, can take THAT much of pushing before breaking to million of pieces.am not that strong, or mayb this is Your way to train me? please find other way if it so.heartache is not somethin that i would like to deal now.

am beggin You, enough with the changes, at least for the min time.i dono how i can digest anymore.i don set fire, i don steal, i don rape, i don do all those unhealthy activies like clubbin and drinking. mayb am on the horny side, but You, You create me as a guy. mayb am on the naughty side that like to disturb my frens, but that just harmless prank, although some might be sensitive, or mayb i might annoy them, but i don mean harm to anyone. mayb if it makes things better, i would like to apologise to, all that i've hurt, including post in the blogs, that might offend anyone, especially the kah kean, chu pa kai pic, and for the girl at london, that i said how cheap u are to hooked up with the guys over there, and left ur bf. i mean its u r life, who am i to say anything or to judge.and if anyone else that i forgotten, am really sorry.and i really sorry if i offend You wen i take the joss stick, to pray my grandpa, as i just wan to be a good grandson, and carry out my responsibility.

all i wan and need badly now is a break, a change of wind,to my way for a tiny bit.You already took lots my dream away,and am not in the place that i want to be, and yet i strive, day by day, in and out of the class. what else? i still have my faith that You, have the power to turn things round for me, but after 1 by 1 major disappointment,how much a human can take? mayb its Your way to test my faith. i dono, lots of question i wan answers.all i can do now is, pray to You, to forgive me on whatever i did, and start a rain of blessing, or at least some OK days for me if its not a great days. amen

Friday, March 28, 2008

picture says a million words

i really admire painters, or song producers, as they can really express their feeling in such a way, that lots would b able to connect with it. u c, i have lots to tell, but cant find the right way to do it, especially with words, where i failed almost ALL the time.

other way is photography. i love nature's pic, like the orange sky upon the sunset. if i can, i would love to be at the river nile, on the mini cruise ship across the river, while i b on the roof laying down and have lots of photograph, where when the sky turns orange, at the river bank while the ship coming to the great piramid. i know that all seems like a fantasy and its hard to imagine.

my fren, who is an ameture photographer, have some wacky pics, when go on a backpacking at Poland and Germany.

and this is some of the pic i took from my w810i, will b a different quality from the SD cam above

pitures says a thousand words. some pics might be the joy with friends, some can b lovely time with a loved one, or some can be from some awesome vacation.mayb i need some vacation now, to get myself togather. where shall it b? the blue water of greece? the romantic paris?lovely Chianti?ancient egypt?cool canada? ice cold alaskan cruise?down under?rio? or even new york new york? ANY of that places would b great, sadly the harsh reality is, i cant afford it right now.not even to Pulau Gaya in Sabah. they say, be a traveller, not a tourist. i might not b mature enough, but i still prefer to travel with some company instead of travelling alone. although its so FAR away,i do hope to go somewhere next year i suppose.for the min time, i b here, in my own world, waiting the day passed by slowly and slowly.. till den... i dono why i still do it, but i shall keeping my tot to myself,lock inside my own world instead of blogging here.julian out!


300th post,guess no other special way but the special one

there are about 6 billion people in this world, and growing. maybe if i divide it into guys and girls, mayb 3 billion each, and if teens, maybe 1 billion? so whats the odd? 1 billion to 1? maybe thats the odd of 2 person meet each other, and maybe if that odd is not high enough, it get higher for 2 person to get togather.

but how many last a lifetime? with the hollywood's trend of keep on changing gf/bf like changing our hairstyle, lots of hearts been broken out there. am thankful enough for mine to last for 1 year,1month,3weeks and 6days today. though times are very hard ever since she left to the UK, am gretful to everyday that we are 2gather, as everyday passed by, "hey, am still with her" lots people say long distant cant work, or it almost close to impossible. and there also time that either 1 of us feel like giving it hard due to all the hurting. somehow, as we get thru one challenge by one, i know we will one day and tell each other, the fighting and quarelling that make US strong,even if we cant really see it right now.

i always think she is out of my league, i mean, look at me.somehow, she just make me feel good. and for the first time, i really get everything attached to someone, my time, my heart, my attention. i mean, even if she wear a t-shirt and a jeans, i would think she is the sexiest woman alive. no i don need mini skirt or tight short clothes, all i need is U!

have any of u ever feel like, when u look at somehow, everything is in the package? innocent, sexy, sweet, i mean EVERYTHING? thats how i felt when i look at her, and thats the reason why i would never passed up a chance to see her. and she is the first thing that crossed my mind everytime i get up of bed. wonder if she sleep well, or if she is cold, and if there is a blanket on. yes this time i fall HARD!

my brother the was the first to bring his gf back home to meet my parents, sadly they don last.tho i don really like her at that time, mayb i feel like i don spend much time with my brother because of her, as i used to be close with my brother and we would play fifa till the next morning. but, since he don last with his gf, i wonder how would b the next time he bring back someone else? thus, i told myself, if i would bring anyone back, it must be the person i wanna marry.tho its akward the first time, but its not that akward anymore i guess. though my ex, keep on bugging to meet my parents, mayb some sort of security reason or something, somehow, i dono, i don think she is the right one yet. and yes ashley you are so wrong to think, that the guy's mother wont think the girl is good enough for their son.she is fine with u.

mayb some would say this post make me sound like some naive boy, who thinks he in love. but i really do feel strongly that she is the love of my life, and no i wont wanna trade you for anyone, even if grow fat or something or fall ill.if u grow fat, i will hav a good time pinching ur cheeks, and i shall hav tummy too, and if u fall ill, i wan b the one that push u on the wheel chair.

i have endless of reasons on why i have such strong feeling on u. yes i wont deny that am not as happy as before, but u, u know me inside out. you know which button to press, and what is the reaction should b. its amazing that u r not bored tho, since am THAT predictable.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


what wrong lately since i cant sleep well for the past 3 nights. and last nite/morning was the worst. i slept at 11++ after the disappointing test, and got up at 1230, and den cant sleep till like 1+ and den i woke up at 5am and awake till now. the lack of sleep sure do effect me, i mean it is harad to concentrate wen u r tired rite? for tonight, i don really know if i could have some sleep. as am after kickboxing. the class today is not as good as before.and getting my butt kick by the african guy names, Ivan is not helping too, and we all know they are VERY strong. maybe i don hav the rage and fire like i do before, i feel numb from my feeling as i trying hard to put my feeling, tots away, as expressing all that will just land me into trouble and create havoc to others. thus i been forced to keep my silence and all my tot to myself, in my own world to keep others happy and smiling.

to help me plaster some 'smile' on my face i did:



with the bling!




So remember, a smile doesn't mean happiness, tears doesnt mean sadness, and silence can b golden. hope everyone's happy.and don get offended by the pics.

"When shadows fall and block my eyes, I am lost and know that I must hide "

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

a light moment

the infamous eye bag pic that i choose to re-take =p

eye bag?

i got eye bag too!

just a light moment,n0 offence!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


wonder what am trying to run away from or try to forget.study night and day and i don seem to get tired, what is it?i slept for an hour and a half, and now am up, wtf!?damn this is mental torture.how could i sleep for the rest of the night?! and i feel like puking!mayb the oat and honey as a sub for dinner might b a blessing after all. its gonna b a LOOOOOooooong night

Monday, March 24, 2008

just for u

Fly the ocean

In a silver plane

See the jungle

When it's wet with rain

Just remember till You're home again

You belong to me

I'll be so alone without you

Maybe you'll be lonesome too..

love u Ash, and hope u hav a good holiday in Manchester

Sunday, March 23, 2008

my name is Julian

a guy who do lots of bad things in the past, when something bad is always waiting around the corner when he is in a good run?, yes thats right my name is Julian. but the different with me and earl is, even we trying to undo all those bad things, bad things do still happen to me no matter. kimi won in malaysia, arsenal drop points and man utd kick liverpool's butt, it suppose to be a good easter and a good way to sign off my turbulance holiday, but NOOOOooo that thorn in the meat, must " oppss.. i did it again". God, do give some break. is watching TV, reading and sleeping is a sin nowadays? that i have go thru all that? i really do have to try to keep my mouth shut next time. while i live in my own world, and let others do whatever.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

good day

a good day start with:
a nice phone convo,
a glass of orange juice.

laSt friday...

went buffet with them because pei se bring her young sister(nancy) the one who is taking the pic to makan as the sister was on holiday and decided to get to know how life in cyber.
the picture from my japanese week while i am selling dorayaki. that i received from pei se's phone via bluetooth, a bit late la but.. here it is.

yue ding ( promises/date)

"people says, time can make u forget the things u want to forget and sometimes those that u don't want to forget too"

at the beginning of the songs it says " 3 years we wont b meeting, mayb we take it as a test of our love,after 3 years am back, and am waiting for u at the place we promise to meet, i love u more than before" although my chinese is not so good, but i think that the rough picture rite?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


"hey mate, am up for it now. u need a partner in crime in melbourne. i know i ffk-ed u for the casino in gentings, but hey, strip clubs in XXX cinema? or maybe some call girls? we could smoke our cigars, or mayb some pot, coz am DAMN curious what it feels like or call some girls over to ur apartment and have a drunken party and get wasted on shots espcially those naive first year,who thinks the its just juice"

well, i could have told my fren that and grab the flight tickets on my next holiday and do all that and go crazy.BUT a voice once told me " i don indulge in such immoral activities".come forward if anyone that have witnessed me go crazy or get angry.anyone?as human, its always easy to play the blame game and blame others, but den, what about ourself?

hey, why u always don like to join to group wan, people go redang u din join, pd u din join, HK u din join.

if given the chance, who wont like to go for a holiday rite?why i din go? coz i for once know what is priority.there area so many things i could do, but then, i know whats my priority is, and i keep my focus on that.i cant control what others do, but i can control myself.

hey lets go clubbing. i'll sneak out of my house and meet up with u at bangsar, since our dad know each other i think i wont b in trouble.

i turn that down.what is peer pressure? when u have your own belive. if my fren says its nice, lots of hot chic, alcohol is great- which is so overrated, does that matter? must i do what my fren do too? even if my frens would have been to a strip club, must i go too? maybe those who give in to peer pressure have such a soft grip on their principal, although they might think they are stubborn and wont easily give in.

the gag order

when jose was sacked by chelsea, chelsea put a clause, a gag order. means jose cant speak about the reason he got sack or else he will be in trouble.

maybei talked too much everywhere i go, and thus just put me in trouble.people only like to hear what they fancy. and not to deny it, i do too.. but i guess i was dumb, to run my mouth and just say what i feel. because after so many years of nerd mode, actually make me numb. i don feel anything at all.all those sweet time at school i only appreciate it when i was at melaka.happy i wont show an expression, sad i wont show an expression too.maybe thats how people would like me.mayb i shouldn't haave tot of joining "voices" next sem, what more to compete with "voices" melaka and being able to represent MMu to overseas for a mini UN conference like Jeng EN did,i probably would pick up a fight with all those people there too with my mouth.

but on that evening of 10th last year, i feel something that i never feel before. i have a big smile when i am happy, i feel down when something bad happens. plus for insurance, i got my infinite chances.wonder where all that have gone to? forgetten perhaps?

nerd mode : on

nerd mode is a mode that how i shut everything and just study, its hard to do now. but it all start wen that horrible day in form 2 happens. i need to escape from all that so badly. nerd mode maybe a way to escape or to hide myself from all those things. like a 4 concrete wall around me, and i cant express what i feel or say wat i would like.but den again, am a very strong beliver on what i do, although others might start not beliving in it, but for me i still belive in it.

where is the light?

my soliraty confinement, goodbye readers

Monday, March 17, 2008

deja vu

its happening again. i tot the last time was the last time it gonna happen, but again. its all written on the wall,people might thing i dono what happen behind my back,after the last lesson, oh boy i learned my lesson.its like fighting a losing battle.its up to u to fess up or give up.
**no matter how stubborn we are, we still listen to someone.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


i woke up to this today,
blue sky,
this is julian's eye view,
hope its a good day or a good week,
just like the beautiful sky,
though don think i b goin anywhere this hols,
just hope it b an average wan,
its ok if its not so good,
memories of the last holiday i wanted to delete,
happy holidays all

battle royal

the bitterness of the last sem break.
resulted to..
i call him out.to prove that i fear no one thus i call the biggest out.and to vent my anger.
2 weeks till match day
tickets rm20
rules: last man standing
***just kidding ya?chris is a gentle giant.and no am not fighting anyone.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

u'll c

the disappointment of tonight,
will be my rocket fuel for tomorrow night..

5,6,7 c's?

" ai wo.. hai shi tha..." translation " love me or him/her" am i right mr.perfect chinese - kok jin?

anyways this week the care club and MMUCf organise care week with the theme "love in the air"

well wats is really love?for me there are no exact definition for love. its all depends on each individual's definition to it. some would say, "its money!" some might say " he will see someday and change- after kena abuse" or some might say "i could lose u,but never my frens", well u get the idea, its very global and universal.

back to reality, is the woman's 5c or 6 or even 7 c's exist? of coz people would say " i love him/her for who they are and bla bla bla" but how many and how much would say its true and actually sincere in saying it?

  • c #1

cash- yes money. don we all love money? seriously. money can get us i-phone, i-pods,cars, redang trips, HK trips, jogoya, F1 tickets, alcohols, and the list goes on and on.. how rich is rich till one actually settle down? i mean " oh my bf is rich but that other guy is richer?" isnt that just gold digging? and the argument or in other word, a lame excuse for self defence is, "i am young and not married yet even i got bf, i still can find others and change".

really, its money THAT important? one guy told me, dating needs lots of money, thats why prefer stay single, but must we all really go to fancy dinner and watch movies every weekend or go shopping? why don just stroll around the nearby park, or how bout just go window shopping? or better still, go to the highest peak around, and look at the stars, it don cost lots of money and its something different and for sure its something that the guy and the girl would remember.plus u r NOW a student, don expect to spend 100 bux everyime u go on a date, unless u r some of those private school student. but den agian, if girls just come for u for the money, RUN!! and run FAST.

  • c#2

car- ah yes! the car. the thing that we all crave for ever since we are form 5, we cant wait till our bday to register for driving as the time of period, driving suppose to b "cool" especially wen you drive to school, and park your car in front of the school and the dumb younger junior will go 'awwwwwwwww' * in a bimbo tone*. car really can b a useful mode of transport. i mean its so convinient to move around wen you hav car. no more waiting at the bus/ taxi stand for hours and feel so hot and sweaty. i have a sister too, and once she feel sweaty and hot, she NEED a bathe. nope, don get that.

but is a car really THAT important? of course he can fetch u to class and around and all that.but is it worth to choose other guys solely based on the fact that he own a car? thats rubbish. i admit car do make life convinient. but think bout it, if the girl dowan u coz u don own a car? what does that reflect? she is not ready to go thru hard times with u! unless u are born in with a golden spoon, of course u will struggle in some part of ur life, before u be successful, asked bill gates if he ever go thru that moment or ANY successful person, and i bet 99.9999% would say yes. and if you have anyone would b by ur side thru the good and bad, hey don let her go at ANY cost!

  • c#3

credit card- yup there are something money cant buy, but for everything else, there is master card. its not a suprise if u see your frens your age have a credit card. its like the new handphone now, everyone HAVE to have it.though, the bank might not approve it now, due to lots of begging from ur parents, they might just even issue u a sup. swipe swipe swipe! shopping spree, fancy dinner,don any bimbo, or money minded freak would get orgasm just listening to it? and the gaya the guys get, wen call for the bill, just drop the card? on the second tot, ever read the news of how many young ppl go into bankcrupt at an early age? wen ur name is black listed, don ever dream of shopping for jimmy choo's at NY.

  • #3

condo-really, how many do can afford a condo wen they start working for a year or 2? i mean, wen ur first or 2nd year of working, being able to have a saving is GOOD enough.for example, a condo would cost around 200k at town, and that not even those fancy ones yet. and 10% upfront? that will be 20 k. with so much things to spend on, how can any save 20k ? with a starting pay of a average salary person?

  • #4

cook- they say the best way to a man heart is thru their tummy. its OK i suppose for the fellas to cook sometimes, but not he househusband kind.

anyways.. sudah run out of idea.. the cold is getting to me..................

Tuesday, March 11, 2008



Monday, March 10, 2008

good guys never win

good hard hardworking guys never win


Sunday, March 9, 2008


due to the shop around campus was closed today, got no choice butt to go old town/padi to have dinner. joined meisiem , kelvin and charles.we took the bus there and soon was joined by ben. and a father and son joined us at the bus stop. the son name is Oliver, he is here to do his MBA, and they are from Kuching, thus they wanna check the place before Oliver start his education.

as we all know, mr. annoying/ irritating/ muka tebal/ rude, is being himself.its so emberessing to EVEN know such person.

in life, for me personally, its not all about CGPA, or society, or drinking and get wasted, or get connection. those are all the thing we chase for or our indulgence. ever heard of the smallest thing is important? the slightest of detail is VERY important. sometimes we as human, overlook on things. such things like manners, and those who treat us right.

well, mr.annoying as i quote

"west malaysia, not malaysia, outer space"
" the bus fare for the bus that must pay wan is 1 ringgit and the free one is well, free lah"

dude, really, is that some weak lame joke u trying to crack or u just bring urself?

i might not mix too much, with the higher society ppl or with anyone, but ever heard of ways to talk? i don mean sweet talking, like how those guys that go to club and try hit on girls and in the end wanna hit them on the bed. i mean ways as in manners.

for example, when u speak to a 5 year old, u don talk bout the election, and use bombastic english to talk to them, you must go down to their level so they would understand better, and u the tone of your voice is important too. so it applys to older people too, you can talk at the top of your voice, or try to talk to them like they are some brainless fool. look at them, they are well dressed people, it wont suprise me if they are "somebody" over in Kuching.

am not trying to tell people wat to do, but its common sense to talk to someone a polite way and with some respect, because u don even know them, thus u cant joke around with them as if they are ur frens.... what an emberessing night.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

anger management and sports


int main()


printf(" don go hit people when you learn it\n")

return 0;


thats what my mom told me when i told her i wanna take up kickboxing. but in truth is, i really wanna apply all the moves on someone. that person that wipe the smile on my face, on that one night, everthing changes, that nightmare of a nigth at the end of the last semester break.its one of my low point ever. and the best part of all, he don even know me. what a person rite? causing misery to others without even knowing them. taking the taste of out his mouth with a cross or breaking his jaw with a uppercut or a hook will be my day. too bad my name is Gan not a carloene, or else i would blow his head with a run and smear his blood in his parents bedroom. or am Han Jiang, and not the Chinese Emperor, or else i would have the whole family chop into small pieces instead of chopping of their head. yes i HATE this person very much, for take it all away from me, from the broken promises to me getting hated because of it.

BUT....weeks on, and altough the wound is still here, i know i would get into huge trouble. i cant beat him. not even in a courtroom as he is a law student and i am an engineering student. what ever way it is, who am i to punish right? i guess let the God lay down the punishment, lots of night i pray, pray for forgiveness that i cant forgive those who being a pain for me. though i don go much of church, but i remember what one american pastor who is one a visit to the church i went once said, " to be a complete person, you gotta forgive and instead pray for your enemy, pray for their goodwill and success". but don talk bout religion to me, am not good at it.


but the post is about how i transform my anger or unhappiness thru the years. instead of channeling to fights like i used to, i tried sports instead.

basketball (form1-2)

i took up this sport for fun. i remember the first time there are training i was with my primary fren chow vi. look how far chow had went, representing the school and all, due to his intense tranning. for me, i got my own friends to play for fun, instead of training for school team.the gang was me, amar, afiq, dharmik and soon ray. the first ever competiton we enter was the inter class in form 1. to suprise to many, we come out as champ instead of those so called pro who have those fancy move. we just use traditional team work instead of displaying some fancy moves. and of course, knowing the seniors who is the judge, and also my sister's friends help. basketball is like the football in US, where all the girls will watch. and lots love to tayang their skills. in the end gave up bsaketball as afiq move to belgium and amar went melaka. and with the on going fights and politics behind bsketball, we just don feel like playing anymore after winning the 2nd tournement, this time its open to form1 - form 3 and we was form 2. i do remember being in the court with a certain chong jin yip =P


my weapon of choice

the badminton gang was for of us, me amar,ray and sharean. we played badminton almost every evening after school, sometimes we even have our lunch there with mc D delivering. we had our own indoor court thanks to ray place. nobody to tell us what to do, so we can blast our music and play as long as we like. those intese moment, just to let go everything at school with the power of hitting the shuttle.the unhappier we got, the faster the shuttle cock is destroyed. amar left for melaka thus, we feel weird playing 3 person, and in form 3 we hav tuition due to the exam year.


the traditional PJ sport in school.everyone love to play it. the muddier the field the better. i still don get it, how some are scared to get the ball when the ball fall into the watery place. got some heated arguement with shai on the field and also some kick by the boots, but we all good now.sometimes joined vishnu's team in their "league" match, making guest appearence.as much as i love watching football, am not good at it, unless u wan me play dirty =p

tennis (after spm)

this was after spm with nothing much to do. that time i was hanging a lot with raja, vicki and dena. since vic and dena have tennis lesson with clifford, thus the 2 girls teach me and raja to play.we played at a private court at ray's. again, nobody tell us what time to leave except when the morning sun is up or vicki and raja got hungry =p since i never played before, thus i get the idea of hitting aces and hit the ground stroke just like how i watch pete sampras on tv. but its hard to control the ball, and i ended up giving vicki a bruise at her tigh as i hit the ball accidentally kena her. as collage start in jan, we stop playing.

golf (after spm)

after finish working part time, i continue my driving lesson. the uncle is a mad person. yelling and really insulting. i really wanted to hit him that time. i mean, c'mon is the first time i am driving u cant expect me to drive like shumacher can u? of course i cant balance the car or hav mati engin moment, c'mon if u hav no patient don b a teacher or instructor. thus, i follow my dad to Kgpa to meet with coach raja. actually just go there to teman my dad, but he asked me to take iron 7 to hit some ball. yes there are obviously some blopers moment, iron 7 suppose to hit like at least 150 yards, but i end up hitting 30-50 yards. kinda malu. but with frequent practise, and thinking the ball is the instructors head, i can proundly say i hit using a driver before. a guy Mat teaches me other than coach raja, Mat was there as he is training for the SUKMA games, he represent KL, and coach raja was his coach. he told his parents he dowan to study after Spm, although he get a good result, instead he wanted to be a pro. the affair with golf, goes to the next stage as coach raja, wants me to join the sunday classes. as my brother and dad took the private class with coach raja, so they can come in the evening after work, but for me, he thinks i will b and mix better with people at my age, so wants me go class on sunday morning with the juniors. i find it very difficult to click with all of them. i mean those snobbish rich kids, that have to speak perfect english and come from international schools, mayb they are kinda nice, but i guess they are not my kind of people i suppose.i never return again to the sunday class after that, though they called to go for the begginers tournament, but i think i was packing for Melaka that time, i know my was disappointed as he wan some teman to play wth him other than his friends, he even insist of me go to melaka and play as there are lots of golf courses nearby, but i think i don fit in with golf, thus i let my brother do the bonding with with the old man.

the old man at cherating


i always wanted to join some martial arts activities. but once i asked my dad, he says " no, u gonna hit someone" but now i don think he even know am taking up kickboxing =p but i really wan to get over one of the low key moment of my life, you see, i take promises very seriously, as i wont promise anyone if i cant do it. i would normally say," i'll try my best" or something like that. but promise? its like a guarentee. the more special that person is, much more meaningful it gets.weeks on, after 2 kickboxing class, it does feel good to punch and kick, imagine taking bones apart, not like i gonna do it la, because all the airlines wan their pilot to be clean of any bad records, thus lots of fight i have to be forced to walk away, regardless that many thinks am just coward to take on that person. as we grow.. the greater responsibility we have. turning 20 this year am no longer protected in the child's act law. its either kickboxing or yoga, i know angry man like roy keane took yoga, but i prefer am i can protect my self with some of the moves..

mau gaduh?


malaysia have spoken

so its almost over, the election except for those 3 seats at sarawak where the boat capsize. anyways, this year's election have been really exciting. but first before anything, i noe and heard lots of people that i know support the opposition, and yes, there is no right or wrong in suppoorting what u belive in, but, before i say anything, i have my own views on things, no my family don have any political background and i do not discuss any political stuff with them, and they don support any particular party too. all i tot is, i support those that i think its right based on the proof on a reliable source like the newspaper.

as my previous post said, i got a bad feeling bout penang, and guess the opposition have taken over the pearl of the orient. and to my suprise so do the state of kedah. i cant remember whats the manifiesto of Bn last year, that make the people angry and some even claim hav empty promises.i really don know about that. so i cant say much. but we can see, on a general the economy have grown stronger than ever. the KLCI have even reach the 1500 marks.now that is a fact for sure, that nobody could deny. it shows a strong in growth of our economy.

the oppsition promises to ensure a minimum of rm 1500-1600 of income per month and try to slash the oil prices and at penang even wanna slash the rm 7 toll sound so so dreamy. but at what cost? do anyone ever tot that how would anyone subsidise that cost? petronas's rm 70 billion revenue? that ammout of money could fix the road, build school, develop some insfrastructure for the people so we could accomplish our goal to be a developed nation by 2020. according to one of the deputy finance minister, our country would run out of oil soon, thus there should be other ways to generate some income to the country instead of relying on the petronas's money, thats why we venture into palm oil, and we should save those petronas money as much as we can NOW, so we can spend it wen the oil runs dry. this is what am so agree with the ruling party. and although those coridoor projects sometimes i do feel its a bit ambitious, with lots and lots of billions of investment needed, but, if we have another KL town wont that be great? its like in US, there are New York, there is LA too...other than that, it would create lots of jobs for US malaysian, who is willing to return to serve for their country to help it to develop, or else, we will still be left behind, and the whole " i tink overseas is better lah..." mindset wont ever change. the change starts in US. who will help us if we don help ourself? instead of condeming our own country like those singaporean who was a malaysian before, why don we help our country prosper instead?

although there are several issues to be pointed out, like the involvment of family members in the government , all those scandals, and worst of all, the lack of freedom in the media, there are no opposition's party that can be found in the media, i guess the people have matured, to noticed that.

as for those state that lost, i thinik the opposition come out with a smart plan, wen they colaborate, for example DAP colaborate with PKR so it b a 2 way fight instead of a 3 way, thus putting one by one togather, u get the idea. and i do think that the rulling party do focus too much on winning back kelantan, and the opposition was smart enough to attack the north, the heart beat of the northen cooridoor, which is one of the PM pet project, thus he MUST go on with it and make is successful.a really good state to win.

don just jump on the bandwagon and support party. don get influence by what ur frens or family might say. don think of ur color or races. don just think "hey i be rebelious" like rebel without a cause. think bout the bigger picture, on how the action of today will impact the tomorrow? i mean, one need time to steer a ship. for example in football, a manager need to be given time to put his team 2gather, his plan. thats why the likes of figie and wenger are so successful unlike newcastle. now the leadership of the PM to work with the opposition will be tested.

"this is how democracy supposed to work" says pak lah after accepting defeat at some states. some might like him, some don, for me, the guts feeling already told me who dr. M wanted him to be the next prime minister during his reign as a foreign minister.

the result of the election shows that, Malaysian public have matured and being able to make their own decision.what might happen to those state that have been lost by BN? only til the next election we can see, is there any improvement? or some other shocking result might come like this year.maybe one day there will be time where we will have a non-bumi to be our PM, who knows. although he/she will have to gain the support to both non and the bumi.tough task.. malaysia have decided, good luck!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Malaysia decides- its me

election is tomorrow,lots of rumours and sentiment have been spread around. lots of propaganda, lots of conflict, lots of issue, like the freedom of air space in malaysia, to the increasing of oil price, to the old wound that have been opened up to a certain ex political figure in the newpaper by ex co worker.my gut feeling tells me instead of focusing on the traditional battle of winning kelantan back, the penang state too, seems like the opposition have a very strong campaign going on.but den again, everthing will b unvield tomorrow.


this post more bout my home town, to be more specific, the town that i was born in.rubbish the tot of KL kid or what ever, well some or maybe most might just know, my kampung at kelantan, but i don think i ever mention bout Kuala Krai do i?this is where i start my journey to life, and till now how all of u know me now.though many have different perspective, coz they don really know me, some even think am on the dean's list, which i find its rubbish though i wish i am on the list, what ever u all think, well, this is who i am and where am from..

well, during the chinese new year break, i got a chance to walk and visit all the old places again, heck after 10 years. 1998 i leave the town and now its 2008 finally i can slowly have a stroll down memory lane.


this is my first old house, it seems a lot nicer in the pic wen i was in my mom's belly, i remember the year i was born, it was the year that a big flood occur. but den sadly, the people that live there don mantain it nicely anymore. well lots of fond memories here at the house, from my first words, my first bedtime story, first day of school to my first time pee on the bed =P


as i walk that day around the field, it leads me to the playground.this playground is just in front of my house.at the same time i saw some kids playing the swing, it just like how me and my friends used to play. growing up being the only chinese family around the neighbourhood,i don feel its weird playing and having malay friends, i dono bout other states, but wen i came to KL, there are the gap between the 2 races, racial chant are everywhere, names like pig are thrown everywhere.which is very hard and sad to know.not denying the fact that i got more racial along the year.here, even the chinese look like malay.

one last slide down?


the old trafford of the yester-year...

the field, the green grass, is the first thing everyone sees wen they get out of the house, and during the early morning, it feels so fresh to breathe in those fresh air.d huge field is the place to be in the evening for football.its just nice to see everyone mingle around instead wen in KL, wen u go back home u just see the neighbours door, and some don even know their neighbour.


my kindergarten, no its not strawberry hills, or tadika chong or what ever. i remember to be the only person and the only non-muslim here and worst of all, the only one with shorts!!! child expoiltation i tell u, with that sexy legs revealing. heheheheh..of course i remember the time at the zoo and all those road trips.. and only lucky few only saw the pics. and of course the graduation at the big hall at the nearby politechnic skool. and i lost a friend too, he passed away wen i got back from my 1 month stay at singapore,the sad part is, before i left, we played my toy car 2gather, thats the only memories i remembered.


where christiano j..... i mean where i kick football around

moved to a bigger house. mayb during standard 2? am not too sure, but i remember lots of work have been done to make the house better, lots of pak cik came every evening after work to do some work, its a nice house, even have 2 gardener. and one of them is the utility man.i remember how my mom loves our garden. there are also dogs, that come sometimes that i feed them. the house have a badminton hall behind it, and the tennis court front of it, this is where Zang Toi's dad used to play.the bad part is, there snakes. there are twice since snake in the house and while i was having a kick of the football, i saw some snake skin. scary. but on one night, my dad got a phone call from his friends from HQ, kl, saying the canadian consultant for the company wants him to come to KL to work with them, i guess the rest is history.but looking at the condition of house now, its kinda pathetic due to the poor mantainces of the new tenant


the badminton hall,also one of the town's multipurpose hall. lots of function been held here, from band to weddings. my dad got his friends outside of ktm to sponsor it, and now it belongs to the sport club.my uncle plays badminton here always every nite, this is where my brother used to train too, it just at the back of my 2nd house, and for me? this is where i try out my so called BMX tricks out side the hall, at those gravel road in red u see in the pic, and yes, i do get my face flat on the ground quite often, and bruises too..oh well,do wish to play badminton here someday,mayb to beat my brother or uncle.


the town.the town center is smaller than any other town, like ipoh, taiping, bukit katil, kangar, banting or any other town, its small and less maju too. no tesco, giant or anything. the town's economy is based on oil palm and timber, yes there are lots of tauke balak around but lots have go burst due to the economic melt down in 98.but now there a lil improvement and development i suppose.
kelantanese love their lifestyle, if BN should win and for sure there are development, thus it wont be kelantan no more, no more peaceful and quiet, but den again, the state do need some development, thus, let kelatanese decide what they want.


Thursday, March 6, 2008


working on my tut after class earlier have make me realise something.this weird feeling just struck me. it makes me happy looking at the smiles on others face.some with meeting their fellow country man/woman, some just having laughter with frens, and some so called "housemate" which obviously appear as an item, it just plain sweet to see everyone is happy especially those couples, although sometimes its annoying due to some PDA or manja-ing moment, but i get i envy them i mean, its a good kinda of envy. envy that everyone looking sweet and at the same time having the smile on each of their faces just make me happy for them although i dono all of those ppl that i saw, and yet, those carving on the faces says it all.. its like when ur fren got an offer to study overseas, of course u would envy them,but its a good kinda of envy and the most important of all, the same time u are glad for them.. these are some of the people that i "envy" and happy for them

this is erica, went holiday at fontana de trevi at rome with her boyfriend. think was last year. being able to travel so far in such a romantic country, heck wont anyone wants it?shows how much their relationship have blossom.

syahirah, she was the one that always late to get up at camp.wen been asked whats been buggin, its the fact that her bf leaving for holland to further his study and she cant spend time with him. i guess after a long time LDR (long distant relationship) she went to holland to visit him, and the best part of all, they went on a eurotrip, from holland to belgium to france and london.how lucky can one get?