If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Monday, May 28, 2007

an aiport

china's international

how would you view an aiport? is it just a building where you board an aeroplane? for me an airport is a gateway for us, a door.. a door to the world outside. an airport is one of the main, enterence to every country around the world. an aiport too is like a mini city.. it have shops, firestation, police station, hospital..hotels and also living area. other than that, airport too supports families as it is a work place where the workers there earn their living to suport their own family. if an aiport shuts down, imagine thousands of workers will be left unemployed.

but i view an aiport is place where "goodbye" and "helo" are said. a place where us human, express our feelings, as we leave to somewhere to further our studies, working, or just for a holiday trip. of course emotion will flare in the airport.tears will roll down the cheek, some tears of joy and some tears of sorrow as we been forced to say goodbye to the one that we care will all our heart.

an airport is an enique building.with its own meaning to each and everyone.as they say everything tells a story... so this is my story of an airport.... i will be leaving in a few hours time... to a place, 13 hours flight journey to experience new culture, see new places, i hope this journey will teach me a thing or two.and i hope to be back a better man..so take care and God bless... arriverdeci KL...

Sunday, May 27, 2007


some are just lucky to step on mohave desert
Rules:For those who have been tagged, you are required to write a story about one of your crushes, be it a current or a previous crush. To be exactly different from the common tags, there is no questions imposed this time. All you have to do is write a story about him/her. Also, 5 persons will need to be tagged at the end of the post. You must post up these rules before you start writing.

its rainning now, am leaving tonight, mayb its the right time and atmosphere for me to post this.well, i saw here during form 1. we r in different class but i do go over to her class for moral studies. my fren raymond used to tease her with our other fren chow vi. raymond claimed that she keep checking chow vi out. thats when i noticed her.a sweet looking girl. but apparently like always, raymond is just full of speculation. with a blink of and eye ( ok ok not so fast, but form1 and 2 is so fun thats why time flies)heard she is together with this, unknown guy, den i noticed is one of my fren's cousin.we in the same school i din noticed that guy because am too occupied with basketball and crazy time with my frens..

form 2 come... i know more about her, about her holy-ness and stuff. hatiku mula terusik. i kinda got feeling for here.. but then again, since she having a relationship with the other dude so i guess its not very nice to disturb.. thus i just look from a distance.don do anything.helpessly just hear stories bout them, like how the run in the rain and stuff..being mr.control macho, i just go "oh really" when ppl come and tell me stories bout them, ignoring the fact that it is killing me inside. badminton with 3 of my other frens is a good way to channel all the anger. in fact all of us channel our anger or stress like studies and stuff thru badminton.

one sweet day,they broke up due to some of their personal problem and i tought this is my chance,and an added bonus to that, i know that she was into me too.. so we hit it off...it was wonderful... i always have this thing with the 1st girlfriend that i have, i wanna her to be the last one, so i was picky in choosing one but she fit the bill. since she my first gf.. everything is all new to me... in the end, there is a glitch. we ended. ended in a bad way too.. she cried badly. i felt like a piece of sh** i never tot that she would talk to me again.but den i did went to her birthday party that year. it was akward i have to say. from that moment that i saw she cried, i vowed that i wont step into a relationship for a while and till i really really ready. almost all the girls in the form stop talking to me due to the incident. from there onwards, i start paying more attention to my studies as i know i cant really control how others feel for me. she suprisingly joined my tution in form 3 and as faith put it, the teacher seated her beside me. tho i was shy to talk to her after what happen, am lucky enough that she don slapped me ( tho i deserve one)

like all good daughter, she followed her parents wishes to sent her to another school after form 3.funny enough, when i got my lil accident with my tuition teacher during form 4, i shifted to another tuition. due to me registering in the middle of the year, thus i got the friday evening class. and guess who i saw among the noise, her. am still shy to talk to her after all this while tho.. i wanted to approach her, but her frens all slammed the door into my face. i can only remember 1 thing she told me " julian, you got a horny smile" and " you have grown taller". and that time i know she have someone in her heart already and they are very close. AGAIN, i was left looking from far away. at times i think to myself, its true what the saying " appreciate someone when they r infront of you, there is no point regretting later". but den i know this is wat i deserve for what i did. there r this urged inside of me to tell her what really happen that day.

after our SPM is done, i asked her and all my other frens out as a farewell to our fren that is leaving for NS.still i don take my chances there. i do know she started college. but suddenly we start to sms and seeing each other again. especially for pool and mc D ice cream. at that moment when she held my hands again, i tot i was dreaming. i mean after all that happen, she is back in my life? the chances of me finding a lost loterry ticket in and open sea is way higher. but then its true. she is back... and of course there is lots of challenges for us. because we cant c each other as often as we would love to, we appreciate and spend out time to the maximum. she MIGHT leave to UK to furhter her studies... but above everything that she shows me so far, there is this urged inside of me to wait for her return.yes i do realise that i might be dump or it might not work out due to the distance, but heck, am grabbing my chance now. lil chance is better than no chance at all... if you don buy a lottery ticket, you can never win. i wan to take the chance of love... i dont wanna live in regret of look from a distance again.so am taking this chance to say i love you ashley................... ( sorry wai luen altho u don like all this mushy thing)

i wanna tagged
pei ling
wai luen

uncle 001

had dinner with uncle ooi last nite with his gf( finally!) and his brother and his wife. he just want do like a sent off for me and my family for our trip. where we suppose to meet at venice but he is too busy with his work. he is a nice guy to begin with. i mean, when me and my family at penang( where he was borned and live there) he treat us very well, with a few round of cheese lobsters(yummy) and the courtesy he shows when we r over at penang.mayb he since he is not yet married, and not too old old, thats why he can click with me and my siblings.he sort of knows what is going on in a teens mind. from penang, he was once transfered to bangladesh to be the managing director of OOCL there.. but due to the poor condition there, he request to return to Malaysia, now he is based in KL.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Thursday, May 24, 2007

i'll b home tonight...

the day that i finally waiting for is HERE!!! its unbeliveable.. it is because i've been waiting for this day to come since 10th june 2006, that the first day i come and register and effectively leave KL for GOOD. but now am back! hopefully for good..

that morning i remembered eating the worst char kiew tiew at emerald park. ( if thats how you spell it).. to top off my bad morning huh? den shifting in, register for orientation and bla bla bla... 1 word... it SUCK! even though orientation went on smoothly i still don like the place. i was thinking what am thinking fill in that form to come here at first place. i felt miserable here. i just cant settle myself well enough because

  1. the language barrier- majority of the people here speak mandrin
  2. just not my type of people
  3. am home sick
  4. am doin stuff that i don like
  5. am gonna MISS LOTS and LOTS of thing back home(party etc..)

when class starts,well.... there r like gangs.. i don mean those gangsters.. its like if you r not in the circle of group, then they won't talk to you. mayb am not used to it, because my class used to be united as 1, and NOT diviede into few pieces. some also LOVE to get attention, but sadly the guys love to get attention which is SAD because i don think there is more than 7 girls in the class.. which make me wonder if the guys here r all straight. so am stick to my orientation group frens for a month or two.. dinner, lunch everthing with them.. till it get sour as 1 of us cant keep his mouth shut, bragging and talking non-sense... thus makes everyone goes their seperate ways as everyone tries to keep themself away.

i started to hang with my house mate after that... i don like some of them at first as they can be very inconsiderate... i mean blasting their music while others trying to study.. its alright if you don't wan to study but i DO! although i can out blast them, i choose to walk away as i don wanna create any conflict.as days goes on, things seem to get better.. some of them shift out, and some r able to control their music. and 1 more thing, i HATE their lala music, btw am surrounded by lala too.... the place i stay and at campus...

mayb this is one of the reason God sent me here.... to let me understand the unknown species of lala people.. but i fail miserably.they r just and eye sore honestly. even the salon and the clothes store is based on lala concept. sigh...

there a few thing i've regret and learn in my stay here

  1. of course to fill in the application form at the first place
  2. tell people where i live, because when you tell people u stay in bangsar, people either take a step back, label you or treat you differently.yes i do stay there..and yes there r lots of rich people stay here,but am not one of those that can afford studying abraod or driving sports car to class or have swimming pool at own backyard.am just from and ordianary average family that can afford the nessesity of life but not the luxury of life
  3. thinking that i can have a bbq party next time at Sri Kembangan, the place the i was suppose to stay but apparently it don goes as plan.. and the turning point is i think bout it while am doin my pilot test.how naive and dumb i was to think that i could have fun living neighbouring with my "frens".
  4. i should take things in my own hands instead of relying and trusting others. i mean, if i find my own house to stay instead of relying on others, i wont have to go through all that last minute rush
  5. i also know that being nice and friendly can lead to misunderstanding to some that grade themself have HIGH level of understanding of the english language. apparently, simple english make some confuse.. don ask me why.
  6. i also regretted that am not clear enough at times.clear with my words. thus others would interprate things differently.which cause to misunderstanding and leaving me as the bad guy.

there are other things too that i hate it here.. even as the class in devided, its very hard just to seat in a class.. and there are lots of conflict and back stabbing occurs. i mean, one must think where to seat to avoid being hated. for example, if you seat with group A, and you will be automatically been hated by group A's rival. but me being me, don give a cent bout it and just seat where i wanted to seat as nobody controls Julian Gan. but then again, it still annoyed me that stufff like this happens.. like the famous words of martin luther king " why cant we all get along?!"

but there is some good things too that i leant and am gonna missed

  1. the good thing is i learnt how to stay on my own
  2. don feel inferior if i go one of those private collage with ALL the rich kids that drive X5 or mercs to class
  3. learnt that life there always unexpected changes and challenges.am not that naive to think that there are no hardship in life, but troubles comes when i least expected it. so i leant to set my prorities.
  4. jonker street.. there this store, with GREAT food and the street with lots of stuff that i wan to buy when i shift to my new place.
  5. am thankful to know that some of my so called good frens arent really frens. its painful to know that after all these years of friendship is all based on lies.. and its a good thing that people finally show their true colouor.

"its ALL be alright, i be home tonight... am coming back home"......... lots have changed since a year ago... some r good some r bad.. but my life have to go on... like the saying goes... " people don just change, the environment change them". am not suprise as i past by the highway tonight and think back the memories that i had here.. the good the bad..under neath the street light.. thats so bright... hopefully this will be a end of a chapter and the start of a new one.. like the sakura tree change as the season goes...

    Friday, May 18, 2007

    have u really love a woman?

    to all my fellas out there.. lots of chics out there thinks there good guys out there are non-existence.. so instead of thinking of getting into their pants (which is a no-no)very wrong think about all this.. so you will b a much happier person and experience something that money can't buy, true love.

    1. To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
    2. Hear every thought - see every dream
    3. give her wings - when she wants to fly
    4. When you love a woman you tell her that she's really wanted
    5. tell her that she's the one
    6. You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
    7. A little tenderness - gotta treat her right

    (adapted from Adams.b "have you really love a woman")

    am healed (i think) =)

    after all the headache, head spinning, dizzy-ness, throat poking, cold and hot experience, and eye burning pain suffering and chest pain.. Julian Gan would like to think he is healed! its amazing how a loOooooooooooOOOg sleep can do for u.am up at 530 a.m. din know what to do, i went on9 am met this crazy pasta cooking OZ, vicki leong chiu leng! crazy nut that i hit the tennis ball with.hahahahaha those were the days. anyways would like to thank everyone that offer a helping hand while i was sick... and those who keep me company, who else if its not the lovely Tien-Ni. well also the nurse and doctor, b4 my eye hurts again i beta get off the comp.. its the book time, last lap!

    Wednesday, May 16, 2007


    my focus have drifted away again
    9 months...
    seems short..for some
    seems long ......for some
    lots can happen,
    yet i know i worry too much........at times
    it don't do me ANY good
    and yet i still feel blue
    met with an old fren last nite
    the pills
    i feel tired
    real tired
    at times i want to be selfish
    i cant
    it seems like a gigantic moutain to conquer
    yet,i don't wanna give up
    6 years time spent
    yet, my patient are testesd again
    a greater test
    the greatest test perhaps
    maybe theres a silver lining somewhere
    some might say am very lucky
    the pod
    the trip
    the pending ride
    at times i feel i do
    but then again
    the 2 things that i wanted most is.....
    i know its contridicting
    then again,
    none i've gotten

    2down 3 to go..

    yeah..thats u applied maths paper
    just done with english paper.. my hand hurts as i wrote as fast as machine gun and just in time when the lady say" stop writting" APPLIED MATHS IS NEXT!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!

    i shall study now.. i should study now and wont let the fear of it gets into me.. like the ALL BLACKS chant...

    Ka mate, ka mate

    Ka ora, ka ora

    Tenei te tangata puhuruhuru

    Nana i tiki mai whakawhiti te ra

    Upane, upane

    Upane kaupane

    Whiti te ra.

    Tuesday, May 15, 2007

    con-air (1997)

    listening to trisha yearwood-how do i live on my pod remind me of the day of my first movie, con-air. of course i've seen other movies before, but NOT the whole show.i probably fall asleep half way through or something. brilliant movie.. a movie about a prisoner that promised his wife that he will be home that night after been released from prison.but sadly during the transportation of the prisoners, some of the convicts hijacked the plane, thus all the drama runs loose as the police try to catch all the prisoners.. due to all the pressure and the treat from other convicts, the hero i think played by john cusack(i think), resist to co-operate with the other convict because he know the outcome will be as he will be spending years behind bars if he is caught.he wants to live up to the promised he made to his wife, thus he helped the police and finally crash the plane at the strip of vegas to a hollywood style crash and explosion.. in the end he finally met his wife that is waiting for him.. they hugged each other, the emotion of and expression on their face, shows a lot, no wonder they movie was nominated for 2 oscars..

    Monday, May 14, 2007


    1 word....mess
    exam fever..

    mom: how was your exam today?

    me: tough, not so sure if i did correctly

    mom:go see your lecture or something to know what the correct method

    me: no point, whats done is done

    mom: if its that hard why don you change course?

    change course??!!! change course ??!!! words that i love to hear IF you tell me at the start of the 1st semester.. now am on my FINAL semester and i have 4 more papers to finish it!!!! IF ONLY are the words... if only i can hear that beautiful words..But if i DO change, where to?and what course? HELP?TAYLORS?SUNWAY? and what the rented house at cyberjaya with 1 year contract rolling? haih..... so many questions..

    1 down 4 more to go

    physics is over.... i still have english, applied math, stat and chemistry to go.. i cant slack off... regardless if i can do the paper with breeze or met stumbling block.. must go on.. must work on it... till 11 more days.. i'll b home, home sweet go home.

    p/s: i know there r lots of curious ppl out there, that are curious of my love stoty.. here http://shleechin.blogspot.com/2007/05/emoness-yang-teramat-sangat.html

    Sunday, May 13, 2007

    tick-tock rambling

    the clock is ticking, so annoying!! thus i resolve to blast my speakers with my jiwang collection of songs.... i don't know what to think now... my mind is divided into 4 exam, her,results, holiday!!!! , yes finally it get into me.. yes am finally excited bout the holiday.. no i cant play it cool anymore!! my first trip to europe. and its been a while since i sat in an airbus =) i gonna b like a jakun, heck i don care.. i gonna have fun, and this time i gonna walk around in the plane and hopefully pretend to get lost and hopefully end up in the captain cabin.. and am also curious if ppl really DO have sex in the bathroom few thousand feet above.and that just a potion of the holiday.. and there is also the train...that i will be taking to Austria.. touching REAL snow for the first time with my bare hand.. and taking mercs as a cab instead of the proton over here.. taste the REAL and original italian food.. the different between our pizza hut and the pizza over there..SOOOOooooo much of exciting prospect... and the deal i did with my brother to climb the hundreds of the steps at the vetican while my parents and sister are taking the lift. and the gondola!! oh yes the sunset at venice that i only seen in painting, movies or in the last installment of the JAmes bond movie. i also wonder if those Armani and gucci are everywhere over there... unlike here, you just can find them in KLCC.... and the coffee, cappucino is it the same like the starbucks?so many i NEED an answer.. and yet am left with this river of questions in my exam before i get ALL the answer that am seeking for. oh another things, since vienna is the capital for gays in europe, so i would also LOVE to enter to one of those gay bar... i hope my curiousity wont kill me... hehehehehe...........till then.... EXAM!!!!!

    Saturday, May 12, 2007

    ashley chin,

    on her way for a date with spiderman =( (see what am missing @melaka?)

    have you get into 1 of those moment when youo were like..." oh my get a life" when u c others expressing their feeling to each other? i have... sometimes i thought, " why that guy so stupid" or " this girl don't have a life" but i guess karma hit me back.. and this time, i don mind it hit me back =)

    it's the first time i actually felt like this toward someone.evert picture i c or every phone call i made or received wont fail to put a smile on my face.the tolerence level and patient level are HIGH too..give and take is the base for it to grow... is this really love?i hope it is.. its the strong feeling you get toward someone and you are prepare to do almost everything for that special person. tired, hurt, pain, broke, it all don't matter when you just c the smile on that special someone face. the smile, the giggle will warmed your heart, no matter how bad your day is, it surely will carved the smile on your face.

    i heard before, one of my fren said, ' teen don't fall in love' maybe thats her opinion. but if u are in my shoes, how can u not fall? fall HARD. i cant help it but to feel this way when i have someone that understand me (finally!), can read my mind, and would go the extra mile just to make me happy.. other than that, she is kind toward others,care for the environment, the needies, at time her kind-ness and patient got taken for granted for from SOME people, and yet she don't mind. dare i say it, i found an angel?

    when she leave, if she leave it will get harder and harder for me..as i don't see her as much as i would like to now, but i got this feeling in me that it will all worth it when she return (hope she do).plus she leave to further her education, don everyone wants the best for someone that they cared about? all i can do is be patient,have faith,trust and pray that all i do will be worth it and NOT end up in disappoinment. as am in for the long run this time. yes i know some might laugh,but i really really want it to work this time.

    Ashley, you know am talking bout you.. happy 92days and counting, sweetheart.. i love you and it is growing as each day passes.. and hope to c you in 13 days..

    Friday, May 11, 2007

    my night, my morning..(edited)

    my eyes about to shut,
    the clock shows 2 a.m or so..
    my shoulder blade tremble again,
    so do some part of my bisept,
    breast cancer i feared,
    still at swiss Dr.Azahari?
    or still at Australia Dr. Usha?
    injured muscle according to them,
    but why does it tremble everytime there is nicotine?
    i tried to open my eyes,
    tried each and ever way,
    screaming,jumping,walk around,
    none of it works..
    the more is forced it,
    yet..the more it is twisting..
    the heat of the finals,
    its heating up..
    yet..the pain is too much,
    i gave up,
    mayb i work on it tomorrow,
    then, it heat me,
    i was like walking on the dock at and open sea,
    as i try to switch off the light..
    BOOM! pitched black..
    i fall till this very morning..
    the dream that i had,
    like a buring fire for me to work today,
    and on the other hand
    i wan to behave well today,
    no more complains,
    no more tantrum,
    no more feeling bad,
    i wan the sun rise and never set,
    my sun,
    in the land only somewhere we know..

    Thursday, May 10, 2007

    a tribute to my mama

    christmas dinner@ xavier

    dad's graduation
    CILT award's night
    my mama and her mama

    i once told a friend if am rich next time, i would hired il divo to sing mama to my mom.. this is why i love the song.. with my own meaning to it.. of course we do argue a lot with our mom since the only person who can be patient.. if you argue with ur dad, you know you won't come out alive..being a mother need a lot and lot and lot of patient to brought up children.. and as children.. we should thank them for all the sacrifice they make.. the facial they missed, the lines on thier face worrying about us.. the children.so on this mother's day... go and thank your mother
    Mama thank you for who I am
    Thank you for all the things I'm not -keep me away from bad influence, restricted my freedom
    Forgive me for the words unsaid - i know i don say i love you a lot
    For the timesI forgot - and the time i forgot how much u love me
    Mama remember all my life
    You showed me love,You sacrificed - you sacrifice lots along the way.. even your own comfort
    Think of those young and early days - when i used to be on your lap ALL the time and hug u b4 u go to work
    How I've changed - now i hardly stay home no more..
    along the way

    And I know you believed -you belived in me
    And I know you had dreams - you wan me be a doctor so can heal u when u old
    And I'm sorry it took all this time to see -sorry i din noticed when i am now its because of u
    That I am where
    I am because of your truth
    I miss you,
    I miss you

    Mama forgive the times you cried -because of me
    Forgive me for not making right
    All of the storms I may have caused -all the trouble and problems i cause
    And I've been wrong
    Dry your eyes

    Mama I hope this makes you smile -my degree cert (i hope)
    I hope you're happy with my life - with what am doin now..
    At peace with every choice I made -happy with what my decision might be
    How I've changedAlong the way
    And I know you believed in all of my dreams - i know u belived i can fly
    And I owe it all to you, Mama - and its all because of u Mummy!

    now and forever..

    Whenever I'm weary
    From the battles that rage in my head
    You make sense of madness
    When my sanity hangs by a thread
    I lose my way, but still youSeem to understand
    Now and Forever,
    I will be your man

    level raised..

    i've decided to scrap the line.. yes am giving in this time... my tolenrence level for annoying people might raised.. my patient level might too.. am gonna live to my words.. my new year resolution. i gonna stay.. if the circumstances allow. the rest is not important no more.whats important is you. i just hope i wont taken for granted again... i wan c the sun raises in julian's land...


    choices i hate to make..don everyone?? especially that 1 choice would make u happy but other ppl unhappy.mayb am different from the other guy... i don like to be pushed around. i got my dignity. and my patient for them have its limits.. maybe they and me just got off the wrong foot.. but it do still sting what they used to said, and yet i never did anything to wronged them. past experience tought me not to give in too much.. mayb you are different.. but would you forgive me for the lesson i've learnt? i dowan to repeat my old mistake of giving in too much and got taken for granted for. harsh lesson. mayb thats why i draw a line now.. to stay or to go...confused

    Wednesday, May 9, 2007

    40th post...(a piece of my mind) : blessing

    " blessing suppose to make one to be more humble NOT boastful".... words there get thru my head this early morning when was eating breakfast. guess i've taken a break, and take a good look around. i gotta admit at times or most of the time, i am never satisfied. i always want MORE. more of everything.when taking a break and NOT rushing to get EVERYTHING that on my wish list..i felt like blessed. i might have something take others don't have....and of course some might have better stuff than i do.comparing is NOT a good way of life...at times just need to be happy with what you have.happy and thankful. even though there are some disappointment along the way... like for me personally, the chances of me saying " i have control" (while landing a plane in Hethrow in London or J.F.K in New York) might be very ultra slim or gone...of course its a major heart brake.. and i gotta admit am NOT contented... and looking at some of my frens that is in flying school or the pilots at the airport leave me green in envy, jealous and all that feeling... but once i think about those who don have a chance to further their studies...make me think that am lucky enough to continue stdying although am not doin something that am passionate about.hmph...........where do i go from here??? of course like any other people my age... i love to spent money buying all the stuff i wanted and having fun.but do i use the money to do all that to pampered myself or to give others a chance? a chance to start their life... learning A,B,C and 1,2,3 ? i know they just need Rm50 a month for their daily needs as many of the childrens lost their parents to AIDS or poverty(www.worldvision.com.my)... confusion..............

    question of the day: does it matter? (feedback pls?)

    i think this is yummy post.. i always and always wonder in my curious mind.... does materials (rich and famous)important to girls or young lady or lady? does the car important to you girls?the car that the boy friend drive rather it b a SLK( small lil kancil) or an X5? does the amout of money the boy friend spent on the Gucci sunglass, or the Guess handbags, or the Armani clothes? does it? does it really really matter? or does it really matter that where is the boyfriend is studying... UK or UTAR? sushi king or ninja jones?

    some might say 'oh! NOoo its not really important, its the he love me is important' but when u see your girlfriend's(gf as in girl's best fren) clattered in Prada or something, don't that make you feel jealous?and the "no its NOT important thing seems to be the MOST important thing?" thats NOT the answer am looking for. i wanted some brutally truth answer. if its really important than answer like ...." yes i would choose all that over a guy that really really love me because the you can die with love but cant die with nice lavish food that my RICH boyfriend that gonna treat me and of course am like SOooo gonna die if i broke my nail or don't go to my facial treatment to fill in the holes in my face" yea......... you get the idea.. so i hope...you readers...(if there is ANY) please please gimme your honest opinion.

    glory glory man utd

    the guard of honor
    despair......... (the doubters)

    4 years... 4 years is a long time since it tasted the glory.maybe the good old days is coming back.during the past 4 years they tried and tried to go for glory and no matter what they do... the failed. but this year its different..a couple of changes here and there and the newly installed 'hunger' have set in the player's mind.the finally got their 9th title of the premier league. so kudos to Sir Alex

    this make me think again about me.. yes its been 4 long agony years too since i tasted glory. is this a sign for me? or mayb not. just the 'hunger' its NOT in me yet.. not having the urge or proving others wrong time and time again..doubters.... sigh....needing some insiparation from Sir Alex when he prove everyone wrong that Man U still can win the title...maybe Champion League Alex?that will kick me back in the groove back i hope... =)

    Tuesday, May 8, 2007

    Monday, May 7, 2007

    dear you part 2

    dear you...

    another u. you come to me in form4. new classmates and stuff.. and me, i still sticking to my 2 frens that i have been in same class since form 3. yes i've heard bout u.seen you around. but NEVER talk to you.you come to me, asked if u can join me and 2 other frens of mine in class.out of your pityful face, i let u. things was OK, you lack of self-confident shows, heck u even admit it. my frens from other class warn me about u. u trying to steal your best fren's girl under his own nose... you LOVE to stabe others on their back. they kicked u out of their group. and yet i gave you the benefit of a doubt, ignoring their warning i still hang with u because you SEEMS like a nice guy. i opened my friends cycle to you, because you've been ditch by the others, i introduce you to other ppl. they seem not good enough for you. i've invited you to pool party... yet you build the wall around yourself. complaining, its HOT, but hey its a pool party, nobody asked you to wear long sleeve, its dirty... and NOT hygenic and healthy.......its barbeque!! complains and complains...who would want to mix with u? and when EVERYONE jumps in the pool, except for you, you make yourself like an outcast, because your excuse is, you dont wanna dry clean your shirt. RUBBISH.

    you started collage... you got some HDs...yes am glad for you.even if you say it as if you wan brag to me.fine!... i try to understand. i put your broken home as an excuse for your behaviour.as i try to understand you. den you got a chic... you r very proud of it.. yes she is hot and all. the climax is when you go spread lies about me... hey.. it's my business that i broke up.. and i myself know the reason why i broke up..not you. and yet some actually belive you. all i can say about that ppl r "rubbish". aren't i suppose to know my self better than anyone else?? logically. i told you to stay out of my face. and you agree willingly. i know you feel like it seems you have EVERYTHIG you wanted...chic, good grade.. ok fine.. i don need a fren that bull about me. but i guess.... where are you now HUH? heard the chic is gone with some other guy.you r down... SOOooooooooooooooo down. yes i admit, i really wan to laugh at your face and yet... if i did that, i would go down to your level of shallowness...

    speed kills

    yes as teens as soon as we get that driving license, the 1st thing we do is get our hands to some wheels, parents, siblings or friends car will b the choice. often, lots of teens LOVE speeding. which i don't understand WHY?? they love...
    • put the pedal to the metal.... and try to beat the red light

    verdict: plain stupidity..what if the cars from different direction comes and you cant break in time? you don only cost your own useless life, but also the people in your car and also the other car.can't you just wait till the green light?? 5minutes of patient CAN save life.

    • press the accelerator, so it make the "vrooom......" sound especially on manual car

    verdict: 1 word to describe it.. 'rubbish' whats the point you making that noise, its just plain pain in the ear. its not like you driving a ferrari. just a NORMAL car.plus you don go far.. just the noise make it sound like u goin far and fast.. but the fast it, u r just there.is your mother giving you lack of attention that u r seeking for it in the road? fool...

    • living in fantasies

    verdict: lots r living in fantasy of the movies... like the fast and furious or initial d. there are 2 type... the macha's, the mamat, and half of the ah beng would follow the modification of the fast and furious. with led light underneath their kancil or iswara..add HUGE wings(wings to fly?your car look like the batman car), modified is real LOW...( dude, there r humps on the road la...kena u r car, sakit hati only rite? why so LOW) and the ah beng, the 'initial d' that try to look like jay chau seems wanna drive like him too in the movie.. it is called a movie for a reason.. HELLO!!! and some might TRY to get a similar car to the initial d car... but i guess they try too hard. can a proton tiara can b compared to it? you b the judge.


    go look in the mirror or ask ur frens to slap you or your mama to spank u, so u will wake up to reality, and step up your mentality.

    Sunday, May 6, 2007

    added fuel to the fire

    this is what dream are made of...

    a source close to the big bosses (parents) there might have the thing i wanted when i reach home... i wont say it to jinx it but but but but but ........more more more more more reason to go back HOME!!!! and at this very moment man u have 1 hand to the cup as arsenal is leading chelsea! glory glory man united!! maybe its too early to pop the champange but we all know its just the matter of time till man u raise back where they belong, to the TOP.... is this the calling for julian to do the same?? herm.............

    dear you..

    yes you...you know who you are..

    we've been friends since like what primary? yes i thank you for greeting me to KL.our dads arrange for us to be in the same school.and apparently we are in the same class.things are fine.... we have a good thing goin on till standard 5, after a tiny arguement you stopped talking to me..ok fine... i move on.. i find other friends. i still don't know why you stopped talking to me. yes mayb we are in different classes, but that is because i work hard for my grades, and GOD, being fair.. gave me my just reward. during the time you not talking to me, i still have to go to your place. Y?? cause i need to clear your mess that u did with your computer.upon u r dad's request. fine.. i do it, to show my gratitude and respect to the old man. but did u do the same?? you remember what told the others bout my dad? you said he asked your dad to buy that computer.. you blaming my dad coz your computer screw up ALL the time. but your dad just asked mine for advise..he gave it..its a choice to accept it or reject it. and yet i still put a smile on my face even if u did that infront of my face. heck i don even complain, because of your dad's advise i go to that school

    you come and talk to me again in form 1. fine i guess.. i let other friends go so i can hang with you again.we become close again. Mc d's on fridays and badminton most of the weekdays and sometimes on weekends.movies, hang around the mall.. checking out chics... all that. sound great.but when there are stories among the group to share, did you ever tell me? to persuade the others not to tell because you say i got big mouth. i still put the smile on my face.

    form 4, we went different stream.and yet, i still hang with you during reccess or when there are no taecher around. invite you to my house, open the door. hang with my siblings too..you like a part of the family or something. my parents always me to invite you for parties or even our holiday trip.. too bad that time you are not home.

    come to the end of form 5, everyone on holiday... and some might have started college.lots of happen since everyone is free. i invite you to come and hang out with my group of frens, yes i know coz you don like the mat rempit gang in your class.. so i bring you along to almost everywhere i go with my frens.. dinner or even a swim at my fren's house.because of your ego.. you don look at them.. beacuse they are not "HOT" enough for you. you just think you belong there... so its fine.. thats the way you are.. but i know you are humbled by how they treat you just like one of them.. thats why you never wan to hang with them again.. coz your ego have been hurt by others humbleness..

    your ego always bring you down.. you cant be happy for others success or happiness, you always feel that you want to beat them or do better than them.but sometimes my fren.. take deep breathe and swollow that ego of yours and be happy for others will you? but u never do that.. yes you are physically stronger and very good in co-curicullum. but other peole can b good at other things too.why cant u just accept that?

    and now you not talking to me again. why? coz you wannabe the hero.. hey you are my fren aren't you suppose on my side? instead, you be on her side.. why? coz u wanna get close to her mat salleh fren.yes hot and sexy all... but is it worth it? that kind of girl wont be by yourside when you in trouble will she?? clubbin is her game and her minimum requirement is a car at least and not that normal kancil. and no she wont eat at mc d's or mamak stall or even travel in a public bus.. are you up for it?? you keep on sayin that you will take driving license.. but wherE?? i don c it? drum class?? i don c it?? guitar class ??? i don c it??? as bad as a guitar player as i am.. at least i know how to hold a 'g'. i just don see the idea of boasting when you don have it..it is just plain lying.

    its up to you if you wanna talk to me now.. i know i won't b knocking that door of yours.my best wishes to with that mat salleh chic.i have lots of others things to look foward to.. so good day to you!

    Saturday, May 5, 2007

    Study by Julian Gan

    what the hell am doin up at 4.44a.m.? oh well... study study study...exam fever is hitting.. yes 19 more days! to come home to good food and good living.feel like goin for roti bakar later... hmph.. kaya and butter.. anyways here something for those who are studying for their exams

    we need to STUDY!
    everyone need to STUDY!
    i still don understand why we need to STUDY!
    our parent wants us to STUDY!
    everyone HATE to... STUDY!
    not everyone is good at.. STUDY!
    unhappiness cause by STUDY-ing!
    now i shall..STUDY!
    i don understand what i am STUDY-ing!
    i can't concentrate when am supposed to.. STUDY!
    am awake in the early morning to.. STUDY!
    people go library to..STUDY!
    my results don show that i am.. STUDY-ing!
    distant and seperation cause by STUDY-ing!
    people kill themself because of STUDY-ing!
    so it's evil,i mean by STUDY-ing!
    now i really really need to go STUDY!

    keep holding on..

    You're not alone

    Together we stand

    I'll be by your side

    You know I'll take your hand

    When it gets cold

    And it feels like the end

    There's no place to go

    You know I won't give in

    no I won't give in

    choices choices choices..

    heard of the sayin' u cant pleased everyone?? so who do we pleased?of coz the 1 most important or the 1 more important if u asked me.but how can u tell which is more important? easy... your actions will show it...your instict will tell u to please the much more important one.

    but then again.. choosing is not easy.one of the party should understand and give in...it can b ALL the time.. and making itself feel lousy and stuff.... but..thats the things u do when u really care bout someone.GIVE IN...regardless u like it or not.

    Friday, May 4, 2007

    receipe of life chapter 1:how to care bout yourself

    have you ever feel like nobody seems to care?neglected?alone? what would you do? cry?punch things? run the length of the field till you feel so so tired till you cant feel your leg no more?? alcohol and get wasted? thats all a bull.... why do you need others to care about you?? hurt yourself and making your own life miserable is not gonna make things better. if others don care bout you they don..no matter how they say they do. so .....
    1. swollow that bitter bittter pill.......(accept the fact)
    2. try track back the way back to GOD, GOD will listening and be there for you plus would bless you with HIS blessing. HE wont let his child to suffer too much. have faith!
    3. pop in some rock song...and blast it in your speaker.. just listen to hinder scream it all out
    4. go take a cold cold bath... and you are good to go.
    5. kiss goodbye the hollow feeling and say hello to you! and ALWAYS remember,you r a man/women of yourself.. don need other people care bout u, if they don then u cant force it..put on a smile on your face and do your favourite thing.

    prison break..

    is mmu
    look hightech.. but is it a prison?

    accepting the offer letter coming here was a joy to me for a couple of days.. and what happen to what it seems to be a blessing tuned into a jail sentence when i really come to think of it. all the argument with parents is like a session in court.constantly debating, and at times temper flare...adn finally the sentense was nailed down. 'julian gan, you're sentence to serve 1 year in melaka jail for working your butt off for spm'. yes appeal have been made by my lawyers. hired 2 in fact. and yet over ruled by the 2 grand jury. being in the prison, is harsh. meet lots of inmates from different background.some can b cunning and sly as a fox, and some can b shy and timid like mouse. and yes like all other prison, there are gangs..no this is no latin gang or afircan american gang.. but their structure is about the same.. if u take 1 side, they other side will get on your back.and also similiar like all other prison, there are some that temp my temper, giving me sticks at times you wanna just lift my hand to hit that ugly face, and yet i i have to be patient because i dowan to extend my stay here.
    being in prison too you can c your frens and the surrouding back home change.some might still accept you, and some turn their back on you.. i also see lots of new building rising and shops shifiting location.simple word is... things change.

    20days from today is my released date.. but am not sure this is just the correction center and i will be released to my freedom or to a bigger jail with much more tighter security and small room with just a tiny window.like those that have 'time out' session who got throw into a small dark room alone and separated fromt the other inmate and only can get out to go to the toilet.question remain....hmph... no escape route...only YOU can show me the way..

    question of the day: leaving

    many might and some already left. i mean, frens that leaving the country or KL. the SAM's group already gone around chinese new year to australia, and soon the HELP's a-level leaving to eitheir UK or Australia... and soon mayb end of 2008 the IB programme fren leaving to where ever the government decide to sent them.of course there are some that left KL for matrix or other higher education center in the country and some went to as far as sarawak.. oh yea.. and some now is at Indonesia and india.

    why do people leave??herm..... mayb or most of them is chasing their dreams... not sayin that malaysia education is not good, but just not as par as overseas i assume.but some leave because of the parent factor.. or some because they received scholarships, or they wanna a change of environment..

    1 question remain...do people really wan to leave??such a subjective question, and only they themself only have the answer.. of course more freedom, since no parents to keep and eye on you.. what bout the settling down?especially when you r all alone in a place that you are not used to?? scary stuff.... thats all for tought of the day

    my story so far (october 06 - feb 07)

    was browsing thru my pics this mornig... this is my side of the story so far

    lovely aint she??
    how things have changed

    view from the cafeteria
    ixora...place where i staying
    in case u all wondering whats the price
    slimming anyone?
    you must b wondering what doctor i go to huh??
    village oh... village b-a-n-g-s-a-r
    this is my trip up north.........
    chicken curry in bread.. yummy tauge chicken
    desert... when i cant sleep... penang good stuff
    cute leh?
    look at that....... the dock...

    my mom and her mom
    sister...me... makan
    brother...me... makan
    art of cam whore should b tought since small.........

    Wednesday, May 2, 2007

    say wat u mean and mean wat u say

    words..its that wat we always hear and read in our daily life. words can b powerful and full of meaning and promises and yet again, its can b utterly useless and just remain as words.

    have you watch reality shows judge saying " oh... you sang great" or a boyfriend tell his girl " darling, you are the most important person to me..much more important than my mamak kaki" or have you tell your mom " yes.. i'll take the rubbish out soon"

    but the question remains... does the contestant really sang well?? is she THAT important?? did you really take out the rubbish??words are easily been thrown around.its so difficult to differentiate which is full or promises or just to give fake hope..thus, like the sayin goes "action speak louder than words"and sometimes honesty is always the best policy.

    be honest and frank with what you say. if the fella really sang badly..just be brutally honest.at least he/she can know that singing is not their thing.so they can move on to other career that might b more suitalble for them and they might be more succussful.instead of giving fake hope saying that they are a good singer..

    if she is THAT important like you say she is.. than show it.what are you doin on saturday night downing shots at some clubs with yours buddies checking out chic.. while she is all alone and lonely at home bored to death missing you and thinking that you mean the world and important to her.show through action that she is IMPORTANT to you.regardless what your frens might say.. if they are really your frens, of course they would understand.unless she wants you for 24 7 den there is nothing wrong with you but whats wrong spending some time with her right?

    if you really don wan to throw the rubbish.. tell your mom.don give fake hope to the lady. and when she come home from a hard day at work and find that the rubbish still there.. of course she would b pissed off and have to take out teh rubbish on her own.

    words can really b powerful.. don use it wrongly because it MIGHT hurt people around you or some of the people that you care very much without you knowing it.think before you open your mouth and be more sensitive when you open it.. i mean you don go around calling african black right?thats NOT very nice..

    last lap..


    last bus..MElaka-KL


    MELAKA'S answer to KL SENTRAL

    am back in old melaka...my last month here ( i hope) yes i wish everything goes well... finals is coming up, nah... i don target for the "4 flats" like everyone in class does.. i know its out of reach..considering my mid term.. well... passing is my target, and if i get more, then its just icing top of the cake..its sad really i have to think of the exams before my trip.i cant really show my parents how excited i am. oh well.. i will behave during the trip or at least i try to.

    last day of my hols is not as i expected, last day or last nite lah... 1 word, ' sad' oh well, thats life.hope to burn the mid nite oil tonight for the exams tomorrow night.. maybe spiderman after the exams? hmph.....

    not getting all nostalgic like i used to be, but last wednesday when i took the bus back to KL.. probably and hopefully the last time i go there.hopefully no more diasel fuel filling up my lungs at pudu bus stand and no more rude people at pudu, but hey... again.. thats life.have various kind of people in this world that i share with. its either i put up or i'll shut up.

    may 25th i hope that will b the day i shift out of melaka... for GOOD, unless MFA come knocking lah...hehehehe...finals is coming finals is coming.. i somehow rather feel excited about it.. coz casa paradiso is waiting.. or the light at the end of the tunnel.. eh not light its a rainbow... woooo off to dinner!

    Tuesday, May 1, 2007

    the WHY's

    so many questions i need an answer....

    WHY must we suffer in life?
    WHY must we pleased others?
    WHY can't we be selfish?
    WHY we can't set our priorities?
    WHY must heart break?
    WHY must there be frustration?
    WHY must there be anger?
    WHY some enjoy and some suffer?
    WHY must there be seperation?
    WHY must there are failure?
    WHY must there be sadness?
    WHY can't we have powers in our own bare hands?
    WHY the rich have power and the poor suffer?
    WHY there are liars?
    WHY must we have a soft spot in our heart?
    WHY people take things for granted?
    WHY must we human ONLY regret when something is gone?
    WHY must there be tears?
    WHY must there be a 'goodbye'?
    WHY must hell exist?
    WHY there are backstabers?
    WHY must there be players?
    WHY there are gays?
    WHY must there be exams?
    WHY must 'sorry' comes after somethings is wrong?
    WHY can't happinest be constant?
    WHY at times we neglect something thats important to us?
    WHY we are not treated like we deserved?
    WHY you put in so much and get so little in return?
    WHY there are so many 'why'?

    is short..... WHY there are so many obstacle in life???

    shifting gears

    hols is over.. but this time its heavy to leave. guess in a short period of time, so much of things that i WANT to do.. yes i have managed to do everything in my top 10 list.mayb not to perfection, like studying, and spending time with my frens.. but i gues i cant have EVERYTHING.have you ever got into 1 of those moment when you r like, "oh shit.. i should have done that" yea am 1 of that moment now. so much things i have yet to do and am leaving tomorrow. the load might be heavy because, i know i wont b back till end of the month, but than again, as the mount climber's saying, ' never look at the peak, just concentrate on the present task". i guess that is very very true because if i keep on thinking on the date that i b coming back again, it feel like its so so so long.

    i din slep the whole nite last nite till 7 am today. i met up with sonia and raja at mamak and i guess the limau ice kept me awake after the teh tarik making me all sleepy.anyways i chattted with one of my old good fren, we always compete with each other in everything, from sports to our grades till he shifted to melaka in form 2. how i see he changed, from the kinda cocky dude, that he was once used to be, and now he is humble. he saying things that i don't expect out of his mouth.its amazing how a girl can transform a dude with so much self confident and faith in himself... from online chatting, we start talking on the phone till 5 am. till that pig need grab some food. den come vicki leong, the girl with huge house that in currently vacant since she left for new zealand. now she is a long distant relationship expert.

    its amazing how you can still talk to someone, that is so far apart and don meet for so long.all these frens of mine really shows that i gotta appreciate what i have now, and not doin catchin up once they are far apart.there are still so much i wanna write about this 7 days that past.. and yet.. i cant seem to find the right words.. oh well.... ( to be continue, mayb......)