If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


according to wiki:

The Australasian Intervarsity Debating Championships (known colloquially as "Australs") is an annual debating tournament for teams from universities in the Australasian region. It is one of the world's largest debating tournaments, second only in size to the World Universities Debating Championship (WUDC), and one of the largest annual student events in the world. Australs follows the Australia-Asian Debating format (three speakers plus replies), rather than the British Parliamentary Style used at WUDC. It is held every year in early-July under the auspices of the Australasian Intervarsity Debating Association (AIDA).

am leaving tomorrow, for 2 weeks, for the Austral and pre-Austral. wish me luck, and for my save return. God bless fellas.. and sorry i cant you guys for Melaka trip. hope to gather back during all of you all's holiday or whenever you guys will b back to KL

got ppl hor.. send me this song to "kenakan" me.

with lines like " even though i love you, i gonna smile coz i deserve to"

haih, kutuk la tu kan? since i kinda like in the singer's situation in the song.

but since ppl b'day eve today, cant kutuk back lor.

but i know the good intention of wanting me to move on, so thanks.

budak budak freshie's

Monday, June 23, 2008

i miss...

i wan go home, a place where i belong, and all your love is good enough for me

its been like already 3 years since i leave home. sometimes it goes like a flash, sometimes, 1 minute feels like an hour.

some say, its a process of growing up. you stay outside, u take care of yourself, you look after yourself, you settle your own stuff.compared to most of my frens, am the one that stayed out the longest so far, as some of them, leave home after pre-uni. of course, i do have friends at MMU, who stayed out for the same duration as me, and their situation is a bit more worst as they cant go home during the weekend.

moving to a new place, new hse, well, its a bit weird, i mean, needing to adjust to new surrounding, tho its not that bad.well, i have good friends that took the trouble to drive all the way from Bangsar to visit, so a big THANKS.. ya?

but the hard part was, well, though its not a new thing, i dono why it effecting me now, and quite a lot. well, sister and mom have to leave home early for work to avoid the jam, coming back home, late in the evening and go to bed early after a tiring time travelling. well, dad now having to travel to the north to set up the office and clinch some deal. although bro got transfer back during my last, weekend of my holiday.

guess, i am missing the time that EVERYONE is around.having a meal, a normal simple home cook one, with everyone around. the most simple thing somehow matters the most. i always tought that all the nag to do house chors, i hate it, i wish the new sem start early. but as the sem into its 2nd week, i felt like how i felt in Alfa, the home sick-ness have really got on to me. though the is the "freshie's sickness" somehow, it cant be charactise like that.

well, the bottom line is, i miss home. i miss my mom who always been supportive, in things i do and always remind me to look things at a positive way, dad who is most of the time not home, but thats not his choice, but he have to provide the food on the table, sister who always annoying but, also know that will have my back, and brother, who have an ego as big as the size of his head, but brother's are brothers.

Sunday, June 22, 2008


nothing beat the sorrow of watching that someone that dear to u, with others rite?

i've said to myself, that there won't be any emo post anymore, but lately, it just like a relaps. from last nite, everything seems to be a bit f up.

looking back at all those people, who used to show interest, or was with. at their blogs. lots and all seems to be really really really happy with their life.for some, they might find their significant others, and for some, they might have what they been craving for, for ages. things like trust and total freedom, somewhere is my heart, just hoping that they don mix with the wrong company.

meisiem was bugging, bout " you think TOoooooooooooooooooooooooo much" though somehow she is right, but i don't reli wanted to accept it.

talking to cav, bout her new bf, the dude does remind me of me, after all her complains. do really ring some bells.some sort of spitting image of me, not wanting cav to get fed up, i try to talk to her so she would understand that dude. trying my best, i realise that am a lousy bf all these while. so all those girls should be happier now,without me, as i bring nothing but unhappiness to them

Saturday, June 21, 2008

my eyes are so fcuking teary now.

but i am doing fine.

the decision is made in lonely night

i have to pay the price.

Do you know that crying is not pitiful enough? the most torturing feeling is when you feel like crying, you want to cry but the tears are not coming out. the stress and pressure are stucked in your heart. you can feel them hidding behind your eyes, at the edge of bursting but somehow your ego takes them back. you need to swallow all your tears back. i feel like screaming but i am too weak to gather all my strength and yell my heart out.

am so empty. big precious part of mine which form who am i today, are missing.
i ran away from where i used stay just now. i thought of taking some fresh air.
but i still see her shadow wherever i go. just everywhere.

there wasn't an familiar hand here , for me to grab while watching movie. i am not used to it but i have to adapt.

Everything has changed.

and i know i will be fine soon. just not yet,
when you tought you have a new start,
the fact is, u never moved on..

Thursday, June 19, 2008

part 2

the 2nd day, we woke up late. and have probably about less than 30 minutes to reach Kuah from Chenang beach.we are rushing as afiq was waiting at the island hoping counter and the tour starts at 9.with an empty tummy, we rush to the car, and pack up and check out of the hotel. not knowing the route, we just follow where the road brings us and also the sign board. we end up in the airport, with is kinda worrying as we never passby the airport as on the way, last nite.good thing, the road is clear, and of course, ray chou, put the pedal to the metal.we arrived at the Kuah jetty, right on the dot. after paying, we been escorted by the tour guide/boatman to the boat and afiq is off to work.

as you can see the further end, there is a marina where lots of fancy yatch docked.

while this pic (above) is at the marina @ penang.somehow if there is an ariel view of the langkawi one, the design kinda similar.

having empty tummy, i decided to get some sneak from the store nearby. twisty and potato chip.and probably can share with the fellas in the boat later. we are joined by 3 others, strangers. 3 malay girls, who are frens.with the boat full, the boat man finally decide to move. the boat man today is not as friendly as the one we have before at Tanjung Rhu, nor is he rude.

the sky is blue, and its a perfect day to go island hoping. these are some of the island. with the boat man drifting at a very high speed, and we can actually feel the water splash and also resonant effect of other boats that goes the opposite direction. it felt like you goin on a small hump at a very high speed.

after a heated debate for 5 mins last nite, and some sensitive issues that been discuss, that probably offensive.things are all good after that. even ray, naturally hot tempered and grumpy ( nearest to the cam) smiles.

Pulau Dayang Bunting. if i get the spelling right. we can see, its like a shape of a lady huh? a pregnant one. as we go on, we stopped at the dayang bunting's jetty. there no pics there, mayb in rizal's cam, which i havent have the pics from yet. as there are way too many monkey around. and i don reli fancy those creature. especially when i have my food with me. when i come down from the boat and see those hairy creature that so called to be man's closest species, its like a "oh shit"moment. i should have left my chips in the boat. walking up and down lots of stairs till we arrived at a lake. as u can see from the pic, the lake is right in the middle of it. so its kinda of amazing. we can dive in the lake for a swim, or rent those small canoe.we did neither of that. after an hour we went back to the boat. as we approach the boat, **%$%$%*$ monkey, come from behind for a sneak attack. i was shock. and the plastic broke, so do one of the unopen twisty. *babi wasted my money* i have to say they hav sharp nail. while waiting for the last malay girl to enter the boat, a monkey almost come into the boat as it follows the food trail. ray took out one of the chips, and try to temp the monkey. if the monkey would jump, we will throw the chips into the water. hey, revenge a bitch rite?

the 2nd stop was to look at eagle feeding. it din amuse us this time as we already saw it yesterday. however, the huge eagle, a symbol of langkawi and freedom, does make me go "oh.. wow!" we end with the 3rd stop at Beras Basah. one of the island there, and we are allowed to swim at the beach. let just say, its great for guy's sight seeing.

and we met...........................................................

................................................................... .........................................................

.................. ..................... ...................... ................... ....................... ..................... ............ ............

K.C hong and her family.they are just behind us, from the places where we put out clothes. well, not bahaving politely, i guess her dad are suspecious, what the hell, all these boys doin, and now they are looking at my daughter. so we decide not to greet Kc, as the dad don look too pleased. every good thing have to come to an end. so do our great "view". we head back to Kuah. sad for Rizal, as his bmw F1 cap flew off, as by the wind. on the way back, it was raining. but thank godness we get out of the cloud and head back to the jetty.

with hungry tummy, we go makan. and after that did some shopping for those back home.

looks like lipstick and box of condom rite? well its not. its actually flavoured cigars and box of flavoured cigarrate.*Shhhhhhhhhhhh...... don tell the mama* :P and borong the chocolate shop.

we decide to go back to Tanjung Rhu, for the evening. to swim and walk around.

we walked to that small tiny island, as the water we, tought is shallow. BUT, on the way, we got stuck in a mud, and the water was till our chest. and after climbing a slope, we arrive at a path way, where the water are shallower. as in the movie " ah long ptd", playing football with durian, we played fooball with crab. luckly Amar have that croc kinda shoe, so it don hurt when kick the crab. so as the sun set, we sat by the sea and that mark the end to our holiday.
dinner again, we saw some pasar malam, and just stop. this time its longer, means, MORE FOOD! good things like this, is something that we cant have it in big city like KL. checking in the hotel, the first one that we had, but we reject. its easier as tomorrow we hav to catch the early ferry as the bus was at noon.

view from the bus, i love it at the north, its so peaceful and the people are nice.i guess cuti cuti malaysia like this, makes u appreciate what you have in your own backyard, instead of the one promoted in the discovery channel, places like madrid or french rivera, of course those place are great too, but, home is where the heart is..

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

my holiday part 1

good morning freshies!.. rite. 2nd day of the new acedemic year, means new intake thus there are lots of freshies around mmu. lots of semangat, and lots of them even go to the library serching for books. wonder how long will that last? =P

btw, its been a while since i post any new post. and well, i guess its an open secret that things are not that good for me in the past.

this is my trip with my closest frens. you know, those that would take a bullet for you? well not literally.everyone agrees that i should take a trip away to get my mind off things.well here is the journey. tho its no fancy french rivera or madrid, i guess its who you are with that makes the trip great.

the day started early in the morning around 6, when my sister kick my butt out of my the comfort of the new bed. i kinda love that bed.though i opt for the latex based matress, but been overrule by the parents for the pocket spring ones.but what the heck, its goood.leaving the house to beat the morning rush. and so we arrive at jalan dungun around 7 plus. and at the parking i saw..

kinda cool huh?well, maybe am a bit jakun, never saw this before in malaysia. its a car park where, the car can elevate up, so another car can park at the bottom.

my sister went to work, while waiting for dena and raja to pick me up. so i had breakfast at "fig tree" while seeing those HELP uni people arriving for class, i took the picture of the stair case, where there are lots of memories.

the bad news was, the kitchen is not ready yet for me to fill my empty stomach with food, thus i ordered my drink first

no better way to start the day with a hot chocolate eh?

finally the food that i ordered was serve

their breakfast set was consist of, hotdog, egg of your choice, hash brown, bacon,olives and tomato cherry.

why am i promo for them again? after the stupid cina waiter, talks as if am stealing from them. sigh..

anyways, raja appeared. haven't seen him for ages. lucky fella now is on holiday till september when he will be flying off to Manchester.- ingat my ticket bola IF you are reading this :P

dena appeared, with the red wira. we went to the nearest shell to fill in fuel, apparently she is a huge hit with those bangla workers there. so off we go to Citibank tower, near the nikko hotel, and a walk away from KLcc. apparently her job from a receptionist turns into a jaga.we lepak at the office for most of the day. online, talking and planning to make prank call that tak jadi.

as usual the moneys love to play a trick or two. trying to lock me out of the office. me and raja bug dena to leave her job so we can catch a movie. too bad it was a school holiday and the like was " whoa!" we walked around the posh store around klcc after having lunch and go back to dena's office. after trying to book dilbrit taylor at 5, the operator let us down.

the sky was angry that day. after leaving the office, we drove to klcc to hav dinner,

we finally decide to go to dome.gang muhibah, when you have a cina, india and melayu. althogh thats what we literally call each other, " eh melayu" :p

it never fail to amuse me and make me proud of this country.a wonderful shot at the twin tower on the way back to kl sentral.

driving back from klcc, was a crawl. jam most of the way. but i guess its a blessing in disguised. as i need to wait for other monkeys to go the bus station, as bus for kuala perlis leave at midnight.that night also was the night before the fuel price hike. thus almost whole kl come to a standstill, and everyone rush to the petrol station to fill in petrol.

waiting for hours for amar, ray, and rizal to show up. thus i read the newspaper. amar describe is as if am waiting for a flight.though the check in counter at kl sentral do ring some bell, because its that time last year. me and my family went to the trip of our life to europe.

as everyone turns up, and so do the bus

its been a while since i wanted to go on this bus as it is a double decker bus.we got the most front seat. and rizal and ray have the driver's view from upstair. so there we go, talking, gossiping, and catchin up. to be honest, its been more than a year or two, or probably more, that ALL of us gather togather. although one is missing, but that one well, promised to come but like usual pull out at the last minutes. tho its nice to have everyone back again.and there are not a moment of akward silence even if we don't gather togather for years. guess that what makes us the bestest of fren. i accidentally saw a massage that one of them send to their gf it say " of course am happy, am with all my bestest buddies".

amar ( dark jacket, queue for the ferry ticket, and a guy that never sleep for the entire bus journey, rizal)

mamat mamat waiting for the ferry. everyone looks blur as they just up from sleep.

well, as the ferry arrive, it took around 40 mins to reach Kuah. everyone was excited to start off the holiday. we contact afiq. a person that we know who lives here, and he pulls all his connection to plan the holiday for us, from car rental, hotel, island hoping package, to places to see and visit. although we can find it ourself, its always good to have a local rate rite? :P

after seeing the hotel, we are not that happy with it, so we decide to have breakfast and roam around the island. we din not check in the hotel as we put it as a last resort. afiq went off to work so we are on our own, driving aimlessly, without having a bathe or a change of clothes, ahh..... what a way to backpack. ( sound so like a wannabe rite?) ;P

the driver of the day is ray chou, as he do drive like jay, in initial d. one hand at the staring and the slumber look and potong and speed like nobody business. and it took at to tanjung rhu. a nice beach, and far from the much more busy Chenang beach. tanjung rhu was peaceful.

as we walk around the beach, an aunty advertising the service she provide. mangroove tour and also fishing plus cave exploring, fish feeding, and also eagle feeding. the price was very resonable. around rm 260 per boat. thus we book our session at 2pm.

we then drove 20km back to Kuah town to have lunch, and to look around what to buy as gifts for the people back home.duty free stuff like chocolate,alcohol, and tobaco product. as we survey around the price. on the way back to tanjung rhu, the rain started to pour. we were worried bout our boat trip. as we arrive there, the lady assure that its normal to rain. i personally was worried when she called the boatman come and fetch us, as it just after the rain, and it still drizzle, i was worried if the water still not calm. but my worries was unfounded,as we ouot on the life jacket and the boatman start the tour, it was all good, the rain water splash into ouor faces, ahh........ just a great feeling. first was the mangroove tour. its also educational, where there are places that they once made coal.

as the tour goes on, the weather turns on our side. it stopped raining and its not too hot or cold, it just plain perfect. and some of the scenery its like we are on the set of indiana jones, with the cave and hills. its great!

this is bukit king kong. can you see it? its like the shape of the great ape dont it?

goiing thru small narrow water way, does kick in the andredline. a sense of trill and adventure.

since it just 4 of us, and we have a wonderful boatman and also tour guide, the abang tought us a trick or two about handling the boat. each of us have the chance to handle this beast of the water.and trust me, its harder to control and turn the boat unlike how we use to turn using cars.

gua buaya, due to the rising water by the rain, we missed out a chance to enter the cave. we passed by where some of the yatch docked. its cheaper to dock here according to the tourist guide abang rahter than the one at the marina. the place is suitable as it protected from the strong wave and current from the open sea.

lots of yatch from all over the world to my suprise there are some even from london. wonder how they get through the open water, it gonna be a hell of a journey, and this cool one is from sydney.
we visited the fish farm. and being guided by a kid like in secondary school, but he was kinda knowlegble. and the best part, we can actually play and feed the fish, instead of just looking thru the glass mirror at the aquaria. the best part is feeding and pat the stingray.apparently they don bite.and they just suck ur finger in, and you don feel a slightest of pain!
next thing to do is, eagle feeding. well , to be honest i don expect as many eagle, but there are whole bunch of them and they are huge, wild eagle. not those kind that we see in zoo. the abang threw some chicken skin and rev up the boat's engine to attract the eagle. in no time the eagles swam around the chicken skin area.

so off we went to the open sea. at first i tought it was a joke, as i look back the further and further we went away from the shore. till a point that i can see some fisherman in action and i know am far away from the land and the water is carzy deep.

as the abang lay down his anchor, i tried for the first time in my life a shot at fishing. and i have to say am no fisherman. the only catch i made is 2 ikan kembung, and that also the abang helped me to throw the bait far far far away. and for a small fish like that its damn heavy to pull.we all spend almost 2 hours here

we den take a shot at fishing for sotong. on the way, i saw some swordfish, it was a "holy shit" moment. swordfish kills ok. so we go near the cavy side and there are coral around, this is where the sotongs are.well sotongs are like snakes of the water. it spits like a spitting cobra and it hiss like an angry snake too.

fishies lots of them. tiny tiny fren of nemo came as soon as the bread.

as the sun set, so does our first day at langkawi. on the way to Chenang beach to check out some night life and also for dinner, we passed by a pasar malam. so we borong the pasar malam. and there is this grilled chicken with a special sauce as i quote ray said " this is good shit, better than sex".

the adventure is not over yet. as we are not happy with the hotel in the morning, we went hotel hunting. looking out for the best spot and price.hotel after hotel after hotel. as the worst case, we planned to sleep in the car :p

but its all good as we found our place,and at a reasonable rate. those its no 5 star, it is quite OK, for a sleep.

we went out again after cleaning ourself. this time, to check out the night life. sadly there arent any, but calling afiq, he suggest to go to some bar or club.but us being us, we don like to go for the easy cheap thrill. instead we go spying, becoming Mat skodeng. for those couple that do their stuff. even when the police came. hehehehe... we have no fear as we have our legal expert in case bad stuff happens. after a LOT of talk. and of course i got a LOT of sticks from them. we call it a night.

those sticks, critics, in a way of advice, something that i have long never experience.well, its fren like them that well, straighten you up. suck up all those emo-ness and just bang you with the shit of life, the hard fact.though some might think its less sensitive, but i guess, close friends just hit u with the cold hard and harsh words. and of course, being tired and everything temper do flare, and certain sensitive issue like racial and discrimination issue also been brought up. but after a heated arguement and 5 min of silent, we are back to laughter. thats what makes me enjoy their company as they wont keep anything in their heart and get over stuff just like that. so thanks guy

part 2 coming up later. tired lah.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


lots radio dj, like Ross, love to say "ross out" when they endind their show.
so does ryan secreast, with his trade mark "seacrest out" after idol.
well, this is what my own meaning of "out"








Monday, June 2, 2008

new month of june. May have been difficult for me. there are 2 major task for me and it come at the same time. one was to retain a relationship and another one is my finals exam. i never been that LOW, ever. i failed task number one, and soon, the finals result will be out, which i have a feelin that i did badly.

as you can see, the new skin i have on the blog. which i hope to be my new start. last few weeks been tough, but now i guess i have to stop the talking and start to work to improve myself as i just realise what a big clown i was.the critics have been harsh.but all seems to be in one direction, which is asking me to step up, and grow up. though now the joke is on me.well its not so funny,instead its painful.but life is about how hard you can stand getting hit, not about how hard you can hit.though others might not give u any chance at ALL, i do hope i don do the same.

"you get your heart broken once" - jess simpson