If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


song and its music video have a lot in common, a music video shows US the listener, what the song is trying to convey. i belive that every songs have their own meaning, encrypted in the tune and cords of the composer and also the writer.

well, this song, "home" originally by michael buble,have captured my heart from the first time i've heard it. it goes down to one of my favourite song of all and i can never b bored listening to it.

this song connected to me personally with being far from home for the past 2 years. for me,like this songs, it says no matter where i can be, but my heart still is at home, why? because all my love one and the people that i care the most is at there.the feeling of being home after so so long not home, is just like the video here, when the father greets her daughter.

Maybe surrounded byA million people

IStill feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

i guss this line in the song too have carry lots of weight for me.i always missing that someone when ever am away and even if am surrounded by friends or family, there always be a missing puzzle a sense of emptyness.

And I know just why you could not comealong with me'

Cause this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

though i wanted her to stay in Malaysia, but its her dream to further her studies in the UK.thus i always belive that she will get a good education over there and a very bright future.

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all rightI’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

i wish to hear this, at the end of the 3 years.. when she finally returns for good i hope.

each songs have a certain meaning to each individual, it mightn be the same song but it might be a diffrent meaning to others.


its been awhile since i've blogged.here i am in this cold chilly night bloggin again. the chill of tonight go thru various depth. way deeper than the skin.

other than spending my time bumming in front of talking box people call tv, i been thru gun rounds of critics been thrown at me. its not very pleasent to received critics, i don like it, and i don think anybody likes it as well. especially after putting so much into it, i've been told i try too hard.was crushed, the feeling of not being appreciated runs all over me, but yet i try again and again.

someone once told me, "you're good at influencing others" tho he might be joking or he means influence to do bad stuff like unleash the devil in others. but tonight i think he was wrong. i don influence others, how can i influence others when i cant get my point across.

being miunderstood MOST of the time no matter where i go to, i really wanted people to look from the view to see things from my view.but i suppose tonight shows me that i cant make people to look from my view or understand what i am trying to say. i admit my poor usage of the english language, might be the cause that don explain things properly.but den again, i cant FORCE others to look from my view or make others to do wat i do.acceptence after all, depends on the wilingness of others.

all this have back fired on me.it cause more trouble, tho the original plan was to minimize the trouble.guess running my mouth and telling what i wanted or how i think, its not very wise if it cause so many trouble.thus i gotta to swallow what i belive in, or forget wat i wanted for the happiness of others.keeping my silent encrypted inside,maybe this is my omerta, my code of silence.to keep myself out of trouble. and i all i can do it have HOPE while i am waiting in my silence.hoping for the world to change. for others to forget the "me" in themself,and try to understand.

Friday, October 19, 2007

UN's Convention on the Rights of The Child (CRC)

In conjunction with Universal Children's Day on Nov 20, would like to ask some opnion from you all bout this:

Article 12
You have the right to give your opinion, and for adults to listen and take it seriously


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

julian's 3

ok fine.. mayb the title is not so like ocean's 13 or something and its not bout robbing bank..

yesterday i decided to call my close fren,me rizal and amar to hang out since, its rare that v have the chance,and its been a while since we all go out, hang out. we went to mid v around lunch time, me, amar, rizal and mrs. rizal, denny or dani. cant spell her name.

we decided to have lunch at lil penang, coz thats the last time me amar and rizal met. during lunch we talk and talk and talk, bout wats happening, more like a catch up with everyone. finallly the 3 set of devils curry arrived to the SOS call of my tummy.

after lunch we kinda confused on where to go.. i mean, its kinda boring. we tried the bowling..glow in the dark and a perfect place to be raped, but it was jam packed full according to them, as i was on a long distant call to the Uk. we decided to catch a movie instead, sleepy and boring show...resident evil. i slept thru the movie.

after the movie, we decided to take a walk to the garden. but its all too classy for us. its crazy expensive there. so decided to go dinner..at first was mamak at bangsar,somehow turn into chillis at mid V.

the lesson that learnt at chillis is... if u go there, just order ONCE!!

i mean when i look at the bill..

at first we ordered drinks and a set of triple play and a classic nachos. due to the beautifully fried chciken crispers.. we order again, after that order arrived, we decided to add another quessedilla chicken. we been taxed 3 times!!!! the 2 time addictional tax is about 30 bux due to the chicken crisppers and quesdilla chicken!

but its all good since rizal and mrs rizal paid for the bill... hhahahhaa... we took turns though, amar paid for lunch and i paid for the movies. its fun since they are not too calculative. and being able to talk more open on things.

Friday, October 12, 2007

my name is julian

have u ever gone thru the days and wonder why u r life sux? maybe u done lots of bad things in the past and karma now is biting ur butt BAD..? hi my name is julian..

sometimes i do wonder y things in life in my life particularly, have not been my way. the way i wanted it to be. i mean what i really wanted i rarely have it.mayb some would think.. m ungretful. but does anybody know what i really really wanted? anyone?anybody at all? even though those who knows will like " sorry, i would love to but i cant"

maybe mayb i ask for too much?but come to think again, i don really ask for lots of thing. mayb a thing or two?it might seems a lot but i keep on repeating the same thing... for example, i only wan success and blessing from God.. i do work hard too... but still.. do i get the thing i wanted?the results? but there things too i asked from peoples.... and yet....sigh

i do too wonder what hav i done wrong?hav i wronged anyone? and that person put a cursed on me of somethin? what? what that i have done wrong? i mean major things that i dono, feel cursed sometimes..

Thursday, October 11, 2007

when priority calls..

in life, you have to have priority. we have to set them. it might not apply to some people, but for me,personally it does.i used to be very very carefree. and just don care, bout pratically anything. but i guess as times goes, responsiblity too come hand in hand. maybe being carefree was nice,breaking school rule, having just laugh away and don really care about anything or anyone. but at some point of my life so far, thing change. i choose to took up my responsiblity, and hoping it will guide me to be a man next time in the future, a man who contributes to life.

slowly i learnt, "there's no ME, instead its WE, its US" it does help me to shed of my sefishnes. and right now my number 1 priority is my family, and ashley is considered as one of them. they will be number 1, even infront of myself. i choose to put them first because, they do play a very big and important role in my life.

today i got a phone call from my dad.he wanted to go back, because grandma is not at her best condition. its my grandma on my mom's side. thus, mom have not have enough of goodnight sleep, even though she visited her for 2 weeks, and yet things don change. but dad's plan to go back at the end of this month have been rejected. when i called up my mom, she said "if she close her eyes earlier how?don think she will last so long, so saturday morning we going back". i left speechless..

i don mind going back, but the thing is i've applied for a part time job to fund my trip to UK, and they do gave me the job. as family comes first,i've decided to turned down the job. the people there is not very happy, as they needed me to cover for the RAYA period. i do feel bad as i already tell them yes when they call last week. but family always comes first, so i guess i've have to gave up the job and maybe find some other alternative to earn some cash. maybe some other time.

the situation is not very cheerful,as everyone is worried, but the one silver lining i could see is everyone got togather and all those family conflict was pushed aside for this critical period.

am packing my back for saturday... full of black and white clothes i guess...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

malaysia boleh

havent been sleeping for the past 24 hours.. been at library since noon on tuesday till 630 am on wednesday.... and with just an hour of sleep, and having exam at 9 is not really comfortable,but i guess am determint to NOT let all ,my hard work on the day before to go to waste. am gretful too, especially to one of my fren, yee kean who really spend the night helping me out A lOT..there others too.. that spend the night in group studies...thus i wanna take the chance to thank everyone.

one thing that happened to me just now or today is when i saw the 1st malaysian to outer space. i heard lots of critic that our man is just like a tourist. but when i watch the live show on tv,found that he is gonna do some medical research, if am not mistaken,and its about cancer. unlike some critic that would say otherwise. with the rendang and all the traditional food at first i tought it was a joke,there also the race issue that y must be a malay to go up there first, instaed of chinese or indian?

all those it seems no a question no more when i saw the launch. it made me moved.i mean all those doubt, and races and food issue are all gone and answered.when the commentator says the pride of the nation on the left hand of the our man, yes the pride of the nation, jalur gemilang. thus the answer for the race, i realize that its not really important as we are "bangsa malaysia" thus its NOT important if its malay,chinese or indian. the food, its a good way to introduce Malaysia to the world.

the flying mission to sent our first man to space, which i first tought it was rubbish considering we could use the money for social welfare or development, now seems to make sense after seeing dr.syiekh in the space shuttle flying our flag, does mean a lot to me personally. the feeling just struck me at tat moment,and am sure it draws lots of inspiration to other malaysian too... am proud of our country. "Melaysiaku, gemilang"

Monday, October 8, 2007


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unpleasent nap

i woke up just now.. to the sound of gun shot?monkey shouting? and some chinese ballad playing? i tot i was in a nightmare, but i was wrong. i dono that Malaysia now its like Lebanon that u wake up to gun shot, or cyber jaya have gone back to the days where it was still a jungle, and there is a skinny hairy monkey shouting around, or was in Taiwan, with Jay chau song playin.

was not really pleased with the way i was woken up, seriously who would wanna get up with a monkey shouting "fuck" and "ahahahahaa" or gun shot from a game or counter strike? my idea of a good waking up is, someone telling "still got unfinish business to do" or a kiss from a lovely person with the birds singing outside my window.

i choose NOT to fight FIRE with FIRE. even if i have the equipment to do so.i learnt the lesson from melaka,where i outblast my room mate's speaker as he was too noisy. the different was obvious, but that time, was a year ago, i was young, i wan naive to fight fire with fire. i choose to ignore this time. sometimes, walking away is the best thing to do.

sometimes.. yes we might be smart in our education, but how about some consideration to others comfort? as we live NOT alone.. in this world, or this neighbourhood. yes we have the right to make noise IF... we live alone in a 100 arches of land. and nobody in between 100 kilometer radius from us.

i do belive education is NOT everything in this world, never doubt the fact that it is important.but manners too. other than acedemic knowledge, there lots of kinda of knowledge that we need to know, like general knowledge, or basic table manners, or maybe some or mayb most of us might not be groom into a british gentleman, like james bond, but still the basic we need to know to get along in this world. being considerate is one that we need to learnt as we don live in a cave or in the cyber world. we live in a REAL world, where REAL gun do KILLS.where tears are shed instead of an emoticon. and real frens are made instead of some ppl of friendster who just want to know some hot chic.

but who am i to tell what to say about manners, its for everyone's parents to teach us whats basic. let our parents be a garbage collecter, a descpline teacher, a normal teacher or a CEO, it doesn't matter from which level of society that U come from.the level of manners reflect on who we are and where we come from, it does give bad names to our parents when we misbehave, the harsh reality of life is, people DO judge.how u present yourself, how u behave yourself. but i guess lack of parental guidance do reflect sometimes, and i guess this is what they call.. " kurang ajar"

p/s: before getting emotional and getting angry, think bout it, would u like to be waken up by noises while havin a nice nap after burning a midnight oil?do consider, people like me, don have the gift, to do well, thus, need to wake up early to prepare to study.

convo: am annoyed!

me : bored la wei, no mood to study
jun jie: come go puchong
me: just two of us?
jun jie: yea, take bus
me: dowan lah
jun jie: why the other room no noise today?with dota or cs?
me: dono, am bored, lets go home
jun jie: u siow(crazy) ar
me: tomorrow no exam ma..
jun jie: siow..

went online and see who ever on9 just bug..

me: bored!
vic: i got so much work, die la
me: give me u r car when u now here
vic: hahahaa... ya rite. if u come new zealand i let u drive my cooper
me: ( WTF!! mini cooper!!!!???) a mini cooper?
vic: yea
me: u rich butt!
vic: it have a name
me: ( i don care bout the name! i just wan the car!) argh!!
vic: actually i don care bout the car, as long as can drive
me: (wtf!!!) give me if u don care!, i don mind it.
vic: its either that or beetle
me: (WTF!!? i need to work for the rest of my life to get that)y not beattle?
vic: dono lah... my dad la and my bro wanna try the bmw
me: bmw??!!
vic: mini cooper by bmw
me: u lucky ass
vic: its red btw..
me:(shit!!!) NICE!!

lesson of the day: you can only drool on rich ppl's fortune, or if u lucky enuf, u might b able at least to touch it. =(

Sunday, October 7, 2007

gloomy days

"do u wanna come back? i'll sent u back tomorrow, am at the clinic"

"think during raya i think we need to go back, she not really well if u know what i mean"

"i din ask u to do it, u the one who wanted to do it"

"am sorry i CHOOSE to stay longer.."

"any act of cheating in this EXAMINATION is count as a serious offence"

how a someone suppose to be studying with all these clog up on his mind? all this ALWAYS happends during my finals.. sigh..........

Saturday, October 6, 2007

message to the ladies?

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him and
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats and
who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and
how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her'

big bro's diellema

i bun this letter in the star's big bro collum.. ok fine m a bit key poh lah.

I’m 23 years old and my boyfriend, J, is the same age. We have been going out together for five years and there have been a lot of ups and downs. We argued a lot in the first, second and third year. This was due to lack of trust and also because both of us were not matured enough to think.

We would argue because of small little things. Both of us are very hot-tempered. Jealousy always got in the way. We even raised our hands on each other at times. Now that I think of it, it was really a silly act.

The relationship only got better when we moved into our 4th year. I think I changed a lot compared to the first three years. I started to take things more calmly. I prayed almost every night, asking God to give me strength to move on and also hoped that J would change his attitude towards me. And, I really thank God for listening to my prayers. Things really went well after that. I believe that if both are on fire, there’s nothing can be accomplished. One has to be calm and learn to take whatever nonsense the partner is giving. Well, due to the understanding, we argued lesser. We still argue, but less than before. *Sigh*.

Basically, he is still the same person with the same character and attitude. He will shout at me over small little things and will even scold me with all types of names. I guess I’m just used to it already. All I do is cry to myself. What can I say? Whenever I let him know how I feel, he will start to look down on me and will start to blame me for this and that. Saying that I asked for it and all. Whether its my fault or not, he will put all the blame on me.

In these five years we've been together, I have never been right. To him, I’m always wrong and if I want to be with him, I have to accept the fact. He used to say these things to me:
"That’s me, I’m like this. You want, you stay. Don’t want, get lost"
"I don’t give a s*** how you feel-lah; you asked for it, you get it"
"If you want to be with me, this is what you will get."
"You are the worst person I met in my whole life".

Do you know how I feel? All these are really hurting words. And, the reason why I’m still clinging on to this relationship is because I really love this guy very much. If you would ask me about his good points, I would say they are much less compared to his bad points. But, I really don’t know why I love him so much. I guess this is what you call love. If you want to be with the person, you have to accept how the person is.

He wasn’t like this last time until the recent years. Each time we argue, he never gives in. To him, he is always right and always the winner. He has just too much ego. Do you know what? Most of our weekends are spent ONLY at Carrefour or Subang Parade. He will takes me somewhere far to shop once in a blue moon. Even if we want to go down to KL, he will suggest that we take a bus or the LRT as he will never drive.

He will either say his car has no petrol or the place is too far, jammed and all. I have never in my whole life met someone as stingy as this. Honestly! I don’t understand why he doesn’t like to make use of his car. To me is, a car is to get us around. To take us somewhere we want to go and not to be left at home. Sometimes I really don’t understand why he is like this. Why is he so calculative about every single thing?

I’m totally the opposite of him. I don’t care how expensive something is. If I like it, I will buy it or no matter how expensive is the food, I will eat it. My thinking is, I only live once in this world. I have to live my life happily. This is also another reason why we always argue - because of his stinginess and him being calculative.

To him, I was never a good girlfriend and I will never be. Lately, he did something really bad that really hurt me. He has been keeping in touch with his ex-schoolmate, a girl named JC. They kept in touch through e-mails. And, those were not normal e-mails but e-mails with content words like "sweetheart", "sayang", "love you", "miss you", etc. Apparently both of them were flirting with each other.

Not only that, he even condemned me in those e-mails - saying how bad I am and that he wants so much to break up with me. If it wasn’t for his mistake, I don’t think I would have ever found out that he was communicating with this girl. What he did was, he accidentally pasted his reply to me. That’s how I got to know.

When I saw it, my heart really stopped beating and I was shocked to see that e-mail. I was stunned and I didn't know what to do. I questioned him about it and he kept on denying it. He kept on saying that it was a joke and all. So, in order to settle it, I told him to come by my house and explain why he would do something like this to hurt me. He was reluctant to do so. So, I went to his house instead. We argued for hours and finally, I forgave him as he promised me that he would stop keeping in touch with this girl.

I trusted him. I really did. But he betrayed my trust. A few days later, I found out that he was still communicating with this girl. Can you imagine my pain? After that incident, my relationship with him has been getting worst everyday. One more thing is in these past five years, both of us have been living in a cage. I won't let him go out with any of his friends unless he brings me along. But no matter what, he still goes out with his friends without my knowledge. He won't do it in broad daylight but at night when I'm in bed.

The worst part is that he keeps on thinking that I do things behind his back. That's is why he is doing things behind my back. But the problem here is I don't. I've done it before and he found out, and I promised him that I wouldn't do anything behind his back anymore. But until now, he still thinks that I'm doing things without his knowledge. I really don’t know what I should do. Should I just break up with him or go on?

My heart always asks me to stay and give him another chance to change but each time, everything he says always breaks my confidence. I really want to break up with him but each time I want to open my mouth and say it, I just can’t do it. I don’t know why.

What is wrong with me? How can I overcome this? I’m just too weak. I admit I’m the no.1 idiot in this world. If this had happened to any girl out there, they would have slapped him, dumped him and forgotten about him. Should I see a mental doctor? Sometimes I really wonder if dying is the best solution? I know it’s really stupid to do it because of one guy but I really don’t know what I should do. Please advise.
Unhappy me, Selangor

Friday, October 5, 2007


my emo-ness have shot to a high lately..........

my stupid mouth are seal

venting and open my big mouth.. i think that days are over...i trying to keep my mouth seal from now on.. as it might cause unhapiness to others. guess unhapiness in me, myself is better than spreading it around.sometimes i don like the response i got, i mean when u vent of coz u r in no mood to get proven wrong. i got no idea why am bloggin at this hour.. am so tired but i cant sleep. no matter how tired i am, i still would make time, even if i feel like collapsing in the exam hall earlier.

comments off...


its early october, and MAYBE just maybe people in germany are celebrating octoberfest. me? what am celebrating? exam? not really a cause for celebration huh? i got my eye on december this time. like every december, its a very special month, a holy month, a month when the king was born, Jesus Christ was born in december, yours trully was born too in the great month on december. but since last time, just the feeling of the month, the holiday spirit just in the air. u CANT b NOT happy in december.

personally, december for me its about coming togather.of course i do celebrate chinese new year too, with all the eve dinner where everyone eat togahter and all that.but in december, its different, maybe i get to choose who i would like to see, i mean chinese new year is great but most of the time for me personally is a family affair, in december i can gather frens.

last year i decided to gather some of my closest fren.shopping for their gift was great fun, especially dragging my frens from mmu, to go in the sex shop in melaka. and the look on those fellas face when they open the condom was worth it.but.... a BIG BUT.. how things have change.as time passed, people change too i suppose. though it sucks big time.. but hey... a fact that i cant run from

for this year.. i dono whats my plan gonna be, if i rally my old classmates again, would be nice to see their faces, but there too much of " i don like u, i don like her, i don like him" cases. its HARD to please everyone. even if engineering an event for 30-40 is not that hard if everyone just listen but..... thats too much of dramas around, i guess instead of taking the risk of making everyone unhappy, i guess december this time gonna be on an average scale, with families. but who knows what december gonna turn out to be.. who knows...


viewing others blog, we can see the good things and time others have, for example, one of my old fren, had the chance to catch world class footballer like messi, heinze when argentina played at Australia, some would get the chance to watch rolling stone concert, others could go snow camp, while those who are in KL, they have their fair share of enjoyment too.. i mean they party and go out almost everynight. sometimes i wonder, aint that good when we can just do what ever we like and don need to worry bout exam or studies.. am not sure if they actually studies, but... am back to my notes now...

Thursday, October 4, 2007


i just saw something that disgust me.. make me angry. ok maybe am not that happy since i cant go for tonight's function. but... as i scroll on friendster, i saw this forum thats DAMN disgusting. the group called " bangbros - malaysia crew" their subject of discussion? puki basah " wet vigina" and u get the idea what kinda of group is this, and not to my suprise, its all guys..

yes i have to admit, the nature of life is, the guy are normally the horny one among the 2 sex.but there always limit to everything. at the certain point, fun naughty subject can be disgusting too.. even though i don think any girls in the group, but for me myself, i think those fellas really have no respect for woman, female girls at all. its this kinda of people that we call "sampah masyarakat" time is precious, why waste time discussing about how to make a virgina wet? i mean when u r time comes, IF it ever comes, discover yourself lah.. low life people..sigh....... insulted the name of male.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

wake me up when september ends..

september have very significant meaning to me. lots of important life event happens in september, it might not be those happy and jolly feeling, but still.. it makes me who i am and make me gain some experience.

  • first of the september that i could remember is in 1998. Malaysia play host to the commenwelth games.. but for me, its a journey, a milestone, the begin of a new adventure, as thats the time when i leave my old, quiet hometown and shifted to fast, noise and complicated KL.
  • the moment greenday release the song, i was preparing for my spm in 2005, that time i really wish the SPM would end soon...as the approaching nearer to the exam, the stress level can be really on a high.
  • in 2006, during september, was preparing for my first ever final exam in MMU, and next was the semester break. how i was dying for the time to go faster so i could go back home.
  • this year, well... this year's september was really tough, it a beginning of another journey of life for me i suppose. Ashley leave for UK, to further her studies.no matter how i try putting on a brave face, a whole lot of me still miss her dearly. i guess, only me and God above only knows how i go thru days, and the nights.

"you know they say life is short, they say u wake up one day, on the day, all your dream and the things u wanted, gone just like that... people...people get old and things changes and situation changed, and what i wan is, just i want this moment and right now this day, my feeling for u the way u look right now, they way u look right now.. i wan it last forever, i love you."


imagine a small boy on the hoppital bed with an oxygen mask, and in the critical condition.the boy was 5 and suffering from cancer. he don't know whats cancer, he just know that his body getting weaker, he can hardly open his eyes, and his hair is going off. his parents doesn't know how to tell him that he is dying, and they come to you, as they think u have the biggest impact in that lil boy's young life. how do u appraoch the boy in an ICU ward?

do u go like " hey, guess wat? u gonna die"

or u talk bout God's love for him, thats why took him away?

and how if he ask u, " why am dying? does God hate me? what did i do wrong? why must i have this sickness? i just wanna be like those others kids, running and kicking the football instead when i try to play with them, i fall and the next thing i know i wake up in the hospital"

what do u tell him? what can u tell?what? what? what?!

my hometown

the fisherman, look how hard life can be, thats why the pic in black and white, black represent the struggle to find an earning in their life and white represent the joy they have after a long day at sea. normally it job it passed down from generation to generation, thus young child would help their father since small.. they might not be well off.. but they are happy.

the beach during cny hols, sometimes, we don have to go FAR to get nice pic, we have it here too at our own backyard.

at the batik shop


something that we hardly have a chance to see, a toilet outside the house

the train yard

in the street of tumpat

i just get up from my nap.. this is the first time i slept in the evening for a very long time.. i guess i was really tired. and yes.. cyberjaya is really realy HOT!, the scroaching sun. OMG!

anyways.... as i turn to my left, i saw the windy wind blowing the tree, and it just hit, miss it.. miss my hometown, my kampung. maybe the weahter over there is like this, hot, dry and at times windy. i was couting the days till december, thus its alraedy been another year. this year passed quite quickly, and thats the time am turning 19. and christmas is coming and soon after that, its already chinese new year.

chinese new year is mayb the only i go back my home town, for those who doesn't know where it is, its at kelantan. tumpat, kelantan to be exact. maybe a 10 - 13 hours drive or can take an aeroplane there for just 45 minutes, a train will cost u another 13hours. though if someone ask me, what special about that place? i cant really answer them. because there lots of paddy, field, thai buddist temple, and the beach, and also the duty free place bothering Thailand. maybe last time i left kelantan when i was small, and been brought up in KL for most of my growing up here. but then again, as the longer i was apart from my dear home town, the greater the sense of "home-ness". i guess as i grow bigger, i learnt to appreciate things better.

this is where my parents grow up, thus i compared to how i was brought up. hell, i do feel lucky. as i don need to travel by bicycle for miles as my mom used to. or travel thru boats before the bridge was constructed. so i know HOW my parents are brought up and at the same time, i took the chance to embrace how the people and culture there too.. the kelantanese culture thats in my blood. for example, the people there can be really really helpful and nice, in such a warm way. though, kelatan is a state that majority of it are malay, but the unique thing is the malay,chinese,thai all can blend in together, and speak each other language. its hard to find indians there thus, i din mention any indian, no offense, i only say wat i saw. with races all blend and seat at the same table to eat, or help each other out during events like wedding, its really really nice to see, especially when the school am at, with words like "machan", or "ma lai chu" was thrown around easily.
a chance to return to my home state's (neighbour), at the end of november been forced to turn down as i was uncertain bout my midterm's date.. thus i gonna miss the mooson cup this year =( i know it gonna be a hell of experience IF i able to go... but the dateline for registering was yesterday.. and on the bright side, i hope i would be able to attend my cousin's wedding around early of december. hoping to take the chance to enjoy the beautiful beach offered there.

Monday, October 1, 2007

the harsh life

once me and a good fren of mine was talking bout our current education, he is a government U and me? private U? no matter how much we both complain bout how sucky our education and our time are, he draws a conclusion..

"kita ni, bukan orang senang,kena terima saja lah.."

i guess he was right. me or him not from those rich family that can afford a lot for our education,as our parents have limitied income, though they try to provide the best the could give for us.

at first i HATED to study in MMU, i mean i always feel like i deserve a much better place than this. it bug me a LOT.its a hard period. entering a university can be a morale booster for some, but for me, entering to this uni, crushed my confident,my morale, my interst in study. am not the student that i used to be, am lazy, not organise, and hardly even do my tutorial, and when exam comes, am struggling to past the damn paper.its like am free falling from the student that i used to be, why? i always wonder it. why cant i keep my sight straight as the battle is between me and myself, there are no need for comparing between cgpa's. but the environment here to makes me compare the cgpa sometimes. i mean all the people here talk bout cgpa's most of the time.

its NOT really been the best of time for me ever since entering MMu. my grades, are not very the top, losing "frens", aruging, fightin (not physically), a bit lost, having lots back at bangsar turn their back due to some event. life was a mess..

BUT, i know if i keep my chin up, i will find a way out of this.recently i find a bit like my old self again.i mean , i guess my fren is right, my family not rich, thus.. i guess i have to make do with studying in MMU, no matter how i dislike the course and subjects. environment wise, i guess i still in search for real frens. i mean, i find it hard to trust others as those that i trusted for years just can snap on my back with a blink of an eye. thus, forget them, am leaving good ole bangsar in about 5 monhts time. i sorely gonna miss it. no more reachin mid V in 10 mins. i guess i have to wake up about 2 hours earlier mayb? other than that, i gonna miss the place too.. as its so very convenient, though some people might turn their back on me back there, but there still lots of nice people living around. as i don wanna jinx it, think i can study better a bit now, after letting all that go. i know if i work harder and focus more, surely i would suceed one day. or maybe it just the exam timing. but i hope, my laziness don get into me next semester as i plan to visit the library more often. as for frens, i guess, i know who i could can on, mayb the list are shorter now, then before, i guess all i could do is cross my finger for them NOT to change their opinion on me. but no matter what i know i got my main support system in the UK right now, yes Ashley Chin.

i guess i gonna go back to study now.. circuit theory, though i blew up my field theory just now, due to some miscalculation on my stretergy to appraoch the paper. but for circuit, am not taking that chances...

"accepting a fact sometimes can be harsh, but when u have no other options,u just HAVE to accept it"


i read the newspaper yesterday, there this doctor wanted her seat to be upgraded to the business class, because she help out while some of the passager was suffering, its the MAS flight from Australia.the cabin crew refuse her request, and she tak puas hati.

as a doctor, i think she should help the sick passenger out of her kindness and her believe in her practise as a doctor instead for asking for rewards. isn't a thank you is enough? i mean, when i help the stewardess from my flight to rome, as one of the luggage cabin's door was opened, as the plane about to land, i mean those heavy bags can hit on that mat saleh's head and DIE! ok mayb thats too much, but head injury can be unpredictable. all i have is a smile, and in the end she gave me a pack of candy before i board off the plane. i don expect the candy or anything. just react to my instinct (other than the fact that my brother is too short to reach out to help) , even if it might harm me as everyone are to be seated as the plane about to land.

its the simplest of things in life, to help or to act to our own instinct, the reward is way better when we do some good deed, but then again, as human, we are blinded to others kindness, instead, our eye only open and our heart only remembers when someone did somethin bad. mayb thats why we are just mortal, a human.. normal human being.


Rules :
1. Each blogger must post these rules
2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog

  • misunderstood MOST of the time
  • when go on a stair, normally take two step at once
  • would love to travel the world
  • let fact speak for itself. example, if there bad rumours bout me, i just let the others judge it, based on how well they know and rate me.
  • my mind always be thinking, mayb not about academic, but random stuff
  • DISLIKE clubbin,driking,smoking, gambling, pergualan rambang
  • wish to get rich, so could help those needy ppl. mayb sound meterialistic, but the fact of life is, money CAN make a different in their life.
  • would like to make others see things thru my own vision

tagged? anyone that read this...