If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Back to December

Today the first of December,also my first attemp to update my blog via my mobile.it's been a few weeks since I've downloaded this apps.

So the big day is approaching,for me to turn to the big 23.the number held great significant especially in the sporting world,made famous by an NBA legend-Michael Jordan,and then by David Joseph Beckham.

There been a buzz at home asking for what I would like to have for my birthday.To be honest I don't really have the desire to have anything that is wrapped in a box and those fancy wrapping paper and ribbon.

If a genie really exist and grant me 3 wishes,I would say in my ideal world,I would be an airline pilot that is based in Penang island,having a place around Straits Quay area or Miami bay,having my gf nearby in her dream job at intel,with my mom and sister having a partnership running their food business and dad and bro too have their partnership.

But in reality,pilot won't b based in Penang,and after hard selling,mom won't send me to flying school even when if she could afford.but for the rest,it seems more realistic,where the gf is more likely to get a job in intel,and my siblings and parents are likely to run business.thus back to square one,I hope to find hapineess in my 23rd year.hapiness can not b in monetery form,although having a little bit extra dough is not a bad thing.

Hapiness can be in a form of being able to do what ever u want to do and when.I promise myself not to miss the Penang jazz festival this year.it's always either this or the monsoon cup that I wanted to watch.however I have to give it a miss due to exams,or assignments as this time is normally a short semester.regardless of that,it's been a tradition for me personally to go on a week 'break' in a run up to my bid day.I would then pamper myself.

But in the working world is a totally different ball game,although having extra financial muscle compared to working,working commitment unable me to go and have a good time on my big day.thus till next year I have to say,Penang jazz festival,hard rock cafe and all my lovely friends that I've promise to go down.hope you all will still remember me this time next year.

Sunday, November 13, 2011


I sat there with him 4 years ago, in the park enjoying our drinks and bagel. It was a small park, where local kids playing and kicking football on a quiet and yet wind late spring weather. We had a chat, and we have a common dream on moving here one day. While mom dad and sister shops for shoes, we both enjoy a similar liking of the place. Fast forward from Florence to KL today, he is now at least half the way there and I am still way far away from moving to Europe.

I went to the musical a few weeks ago, presented by The Star. It's called In Perfect Harmony.The musical represent how music have influence our life in Malaysia from the great P.Ramlee to Justin Bieber, and how time have transcendent and evolve the music we listen. One of the song that struck me was our local chinese artise, Guang Liang's Tong Hua or Fairytale. It did brought me back when some of my female friends from school sang it like a choir. Most of them are english educated and can hardly speak a word of chinese. 

Looking back then is when I had the longest holiday after my SPM. Time were good until all the complication occurs or in other words the girl trouble starts. Then come MMU, where at the beginning I was very reluctant to go let it be the engineer course or be it the place, Melaka. Growing up in the Beverly Hills of Malaysia, did have it perks and bad side. And of course you come to a smaller town with a big ass ego and rep. The perks are when you mention you stay in Bangsar, the girls will want to be near you, but the bad part is some were taken a back step, rather feeling inferior or just hate the cockyness. And another bad side of it, although I grew up there, I am not the Bangsar people that people have the impression of, as I am not from the wealthy family.

After all my resistance I start MMU unwillingly, however I did make a few good friends at my orientation. One of the first few friend I've made, is this guy from Perlis. Coincidentally he also stays at the same condominium as I am, to my surprise I met him at class. So I think to myself, not so bad lah, as he seems like a decent guy, and not like those people your parents warn about before stepping in uni to avoid. However, he don't seem like want to hang out after class. When I asked him for dinner, go to town, or sports, he will either decline or 'see lah'- which is a No. I thought I did something that offended him or disturbing him with many questions.But then again, he did join occasionally. One year later we are housemate in Cyberjaya. 

To be honest I am not the best engineer around, after 5 years of studying, I can say I learn very minimal. or at least I remember very minimal things now. Which is sometimes a bit added pressure at work where expectation is there as I am an 'engineer'. Am sure my boss would be sweating if he reads this.

However, it is not that I play around at university, I did put in a lot of effort in my studies and exams but my results did not reflect it at all. What do you do when you try your level best and yet the result indicate as if you did not study, it did not do any justice at all. However I learn A LOT more outside the class, things like something even Harvard class room did not teach you, it is a life lesson that no book can teach. It is life lesson such as friendship, and going through hard time- endurance and perseverance. 

Graduation came along, and lots of congratulation messages comes. One of it says " Congrats Asst.Editor" it is from one of my group member during the Brats camp, one of them are now even working for The Star, and recently promoted from the Daily Chili to Star Metro. As I walked out of the musical, I texted one of them, the only one that I am currently keeping in touch. Coincidentally as well, she is just graduated and searching for job and considering a career in journalism, even though studied marine biology. 

Passing by a blog the other day, got the core of the post, which is why people afraid to chance what they want. People work in something that their heart not in it, and then they complain and they can't perform, and the cycle continues. Why we are afraid? Probably because it is out of the norm. For example one of my classmate from engineering school now is an air steward. He goes a great length to go the normal route of an engineering student - to go in manufacturing line. Few have such courage, and I feel that I am one of them who don't have the courage. Why? because if we go against the norm, if we fall, everyone will point finger at you and say 'told you so!' 

I love writing, its a way to express myself. I love helping out and trying to make a change. I love wealth, as materialistic as it sound, money speaks. I love travelling, seeing different people,culture and places. Thus the question is why did I not follow the journalist path? why did I not join World Vision? It's like Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, sometimes you are the angle, and sometimes you are the devil, but at the center of it, is the coward and lack of courage to go against the norm. 

Monday, October 10, 2011

Is this goodbye?

We begin the journey together, and we ended it together. There are lots of time that I feel that I won't be able to make it, especially when failures come in the way. And some that I share with, will know that I will tell them Sorry I won't be able to graduate with them.

As multiple failures comes in this past 5 years, some that are known and some that I still kept away, as I did not want to make my family worry. I am thankful to those that stood by me during the hard time. Offering me their help and support and even till today. Let it be some tough love, that tell me off, or console me when am down. Thank you very much. They know who they are.

As "Permata Dunia" first played during orientation, it was also fitting the last song we sang during the convocation. The scene of friends holding each other, on the shoulder singing the song away, some holding back their tears, its a very powerful atmosphere filled with emotion. And it is understandable as everyone spend 5 years together. Of course there is always a bond there.

For me personally, its a bitter-sweet time, and at the end of the day, I know I will miss this place and all the colourful characters that is the pallets to my university portrait.  As much as I always finding a way to get out or switch my university path, this place have taught me a lot. Maybe not in an engineering way, as I've forgotten lots of what I've studied, but I've learn a lot more than what the text book could ever offer. The value of friendship, and being away from home makes me appreciate home more. Of course I would have pay more attention to my studies if I could redo this all again. But looking foward, this weekend is probably the last time ever there will be this massive gathering.

I won't be able to know when will I will have a meal, or just chit chat with some of them, especially those who chose their path out of KL or those that you did not take the time to know them well, and during convo, your conversation with them is more than the period in this 5 years.

The promise and the dream of my parents have been fulfilled, as they wanted all their children to get a university degree. As my journey officially ended I will miss.... ( in no particular order)

  1. E-1-B
  2. The makan
  3. late night supper
  4. random movie 
  5. the flexibility of going out anytime
  6. skipping class especially when its raining at 8am
  7. early morning champion league football
  8. badminton, smashing people
  9. the nano permanent trio for assignment and exams
  10. weird by my FYP
  11. pillow talk
  12. gossips/ scandals
  13. Indon food delivery
  14. Puchong Yong Tofu
  15. S.K hawker
  16. Last minute cramp for exams in library
  17. Last minute assignment dateline, where the next morning we are all like zombie but still energetic to go and eat wantan mee or dengkil chicken rice
  18. FCM ah Neh, that scold people who cuts queue when taking roti canai
  19. Lesser worries compare to working life
  20. Cyber tracker
  21. And the list continues.....

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Is this real

The reality setting in, two month of officially working. I am now on the threshold of adulthood. Although there are still a lot to learn in the office, financially, its a bit far from settle.

My boss asked me and a few other in one of our discussion, " Do you think you are at the level where you could afford a coffee from Starbucks?" To be honest, No I don think I am at that level yet. Even as a student, I did not step into Starbucks more than 10 times. But as you can see at the mall, majority of the customers are students or working class people. I do asked myself, "How can people afford it?" Not only Starbucks, due to the technology that we have today called Facebook I see lots having drink at fancy places like Library to have a pine of beer, how much does that cost? I am sure it is more than RM 5. So coming back to square one, "How people can afford it?"

So far, some of the possibilities are,

  • Is my pay that low? or it is just their pay is higher?
  • Am I just stingy?
This can go on and on as there are numerous possibilities. But I feel that the best is, we ourself know what we want.Maybe its how they want their lifestyle is, after a hard day of work, its time to blow off some steam to enjoy with friends. This is a subjective issue, where there is no wrong or right answer.

Last Monday and Tuesday I went down to Terengganu for work. It is one of the places that I would like to visit other than Penang before I started work, however, the circumstances does not allow me to. Although I went there with not the ideal purpose ( no offense boss, it is just that I would like to go there for holiday instead of work along with my frens). The road towards Terengganu is awesome, one should really have a drive there. Yes it is a 7-8 hours drive, but with the beautiful view especially the Rantau Abang stretch where you can see the beach all along the way, it just make it worth it. It is some of the things that I would like to share with my frens and love one if possible.

There are a lot of amazing things just behind our backyard, although sometimes it feels lonely to travel alone, I know I have an amazing travelling partner unfortunately she is 2 hours away. * Rindu...*

Sunday, July 31, 2011


July have been quite eventful for Malaysia. One common denominator is, Yellow or Kuning. First was the Bersih rally where the demand for 'Clean election'. I agree that election have to be clean. But how do we ensure it? It is still up in the air, people can argue till the cow come home, and still the argument won't end I would say. In the end, those who lose the election will say its it dirty, and those who win, will say it fair. Regardless which political party. Isn't it natural human behavior?

What ever it is, I find it absurd that in the social media where right after the rally when the PM went to England to meet the Queen, claim that the queen wears yellow in support for the Bersih rally. Isn't yellow a royal colour? And visiting the Queen and also the Pope is not something you arrange overnight, as they are busy people. So the claim that the PM go overseas to avoid or clean up after the rally just doesn't make sense to me. However it is a mistake that the PM made when he says the rally can be held in a stadium but deny Stadium Merdeka.

Well, we have to hit people when they do wrong and we have to give big hands to them when they do something right.  Fair enough?

But apart from that, where opinion are still divided, one event that unites all Malaysia.

Malaysia vs Singapore for the 2014 World cup qualifiers. There have been a lot of buzz in Malaysian football lately. Especially after the SEA game, and AFC Suzuki cup triumph, plus the friendly with 3 EPL giant. Singapore or after Thursday match known as Singapura-pura is the traditional rival to Malaysia in football point of view. After watching them lose with quite a respectable scoreline to Liverpool, I bought the ticket. If they can play like how they did against Liverpool, Singapore are in for a beating. And the under 23 team just lose 1-0 to Chelsea. of course that is mainly because you have the best team in the country, back 3. The back 3 was from the Kelantan team. If only Rajagopal put his faith in the Kelantan player in the first leg. Why la play Khairul Fahmi in goal only in the 2nd leg?

Because VVIP is better than VIP
So off I went after work to Bukit Jalil stadium, prior to that, went to Subang to meet up with my dad and some of his friends who made their way from Penang. And we thank God we have this parking, else parking would b hell.

The highway heading towards Bukit Jalil was full of Malaysia. I can see their car decorated with the Jalur Gemilang. Also in the lrt where people either wear yellow or blue ( the night's kit). Vuvuzelas, horns, drum, all of it are brought to bring a carnival atmosphere and support the Harimau Malaya.

The stadium was sandwich even as early as 8pm, there are no seat available. The crowd spill onto the walkway. The atmosphere was so tense until the Singapore enterence was guarded by police.

The crowd was in a jovial mood before the kickoff. People are singing, and having positive and belive that Harimau Malaya could overturn the 2 goal deficit.

Vuvuzelas and horns are blown while the players are warming up... until..... singaporean clown try to push their luck, where 3 of them walk into the Malaysian side of crowd. It could be a similar incident of the Man Utd fan that walks into the Liverpool training session. The crowd waste no time jeering and boo-ing them. Until they leave immediately.

When both teams are out, the Singapore national anthem plays in the air, however the crowd boo and the horn are honking until you can't really hear the national anthem. It is then proceed with Negaraku. It is one of the loudest Negaraku I've ever heard. Everyone was singing their heart out.  

Although the team lost on aggregate. But looking at the bigger picture I think we have already won before the kick off. When the national anthem was playing, man, woman , children even disable people come and support the national team and sang Negaraku loudly and proudly. Regardless the event at early of the month that divided the nation from various political thinking, here through sport, it is just an epitome on how Malaysia should be, united as one. 

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

new chapter

They say  "we don't appreciate things till its gone" I find it very true. However the great irony is that when we have it, let it be a person or an experience, we wish that we don't have it until its gone. Confuse? It's like how when we are in school and we wish we are at home instead, but when school ends, we wish to be in school.

Well it is not that us being ungretful with what we have, it is just natural for us as human to think that the grass is greener on the other side, but that is not always the case. I went back to my alma mater today to regrade my paper. I know I have a lot of room for improvement for all the subjects, no matter how much effort I put in, it is still not the right recipe, but not for this particular subject, FYP. I put in a lot of my time, money and effort into this subject and I really hope to the regrading goes my way.

As I hope not to jinx it, today as I did not receive any phone call, I guess that indicates I have a clean bill of health and suppose to start my job on Friday. It is a transition phase for me and also for everyone else I would say. Most of my frens ( non MMU ) are surprised on how early I scout for my job, I do wish to have a longer break, but time wait for no man. I know I don't have such luxury to chill and wait my allowance to enter each month.

Although I think I get the job early, I also think that things around me or my fellow peers have moved lightyears ahead of me. I always admire 2 of my friends, they are the earliest of my frens that worked. One in Earnst & Young, another running his own company from his joint venture. What I admire most is their drive for work. Another thing that I felt move swiftly is marriage. Checking update on Fb, there are some already married and some are one the way. Even my good friend is getting marry a day after my convocation! Regardless the trend or some would say they would prefer to marry in their late 20's I guess when the question come, it just come.

So many things, all so fast. My dream is to fly a plane, although watching Aircrash investigation shaken me a bit, other than that to go to rural area and do some voluntarily job, as I feel donating do help but hands on would be more meaningful. I really would try to avoid to be a money-minded person, yes money is important however, there are lots of things in life than money. When you stop chasing for money, money will come.

How will my first day be? The unknown is a scary place!  

Saturday, June 25, 2011

MH- Malaysia Hospitality

When you took on a plane, to go anywhere from which ever airline, do you notice that each airlines have it's own tag. For example Air Asia (Malaysia) uses AK**** follows by the flight number. Emirates uses EK**** and Malaysia Airlines uses MH****, this MH is stands for Malaysia Hospitality.

So it marks the end of my eurotrip, I knew once I have landed on Kuala Lumpur International Airport tarmac, it is the brink of a new chapter in my life - working life. It is always on my mind to go on a eurotrip, to visit friends, as I might not be lucky enough to further my education abroad, it is nice of them to welcome me to the UK. The last time I went to europe, I was playing Daughtry's  Home, and the capt says something on the announcement, " We have landed in Kuala Lumpur International Airport, on behalf of the cabin crew I would like to welcome you to Malaysia, and for the Malaysian, Welcome home" 

I remember it, because it is significant. This time, as I visited a few places and meet a few faces, I believe that well home (Malaysia)  is always the place I feel comfortable with. As I speak to a few people, they got nothing but praise towards Malaysia, some have been here for a few time, some even says that " I am not lucky enough to visit there yet" Makes me wonder sometimes, why we Malaysian are the one that bashing our country while others have nothing but praise. 

With Ezman exactly where Vidic and Rio Ferdinand seats

Ms.Chew at Leicester Square, London

Dinner before Pei Ling went back to Nottingham

When friends do things like opening their door for you for accommodation and provide hospitality, coming all the way from other state to meet up with you, and some took time off from boy friend just to take you round town. I would say I am lucky to have these friends.  Thank you very much.

Friday, May 27, 2011

so whats the decision?

As the dawn sets, is time to move on. Although it is hard to say goodbye. Saying goodbye for something, and people that are around you for so long. Rather it is bad or good times. 5 years together is really something. I personally doesn't want the day to come, but like all things in life, there will be a time to say goodbye. When the actual day come, photos around campus provides hard memories, of where we were, although the longest lasting memories will be stored deep inside the heart.

So as we move on, each to own path... some already found job months ago, as we all want to be at the top, there are no electronics company around other than the blue company. So I can't really believe it that I completed my studies in engineering ( hopefully the finals goes well), joining it with such reluctant. I did struggle, and end up losing my sight to my ultimate goal.

Lots that expected me to join and take over in Penang, but I feel it is not the time yet. Although I don't rule out the possibilities. There are lots of jobs that I have applied, at many various places around Malaysia. Not much replied as I did not meet their requirement.

The past week is quite tough for me personally. Deciding where to work, need to balance the payment, the family, friends, girlfriend, and the job scope all play a role in my decision. But as a fresh graduate, I know I can't be so picky.

I received a phone call that night when I was on my way to the airport, asking me to go to SJMC (Subang Jaya Medical Center), mom situation getting worst from that morning. I can't panic and ruin it for everyone. When I reach cyberjaya to pack, the situation at the hospital was stable. So I decided to go the next day as visiting hours have already long passed. The first thing in the morning I left E-1-B for the very last time, but there is not much time for a mix feeling as my focus is just to go to the hospital as soon as possible.

 I was invited to interview in Melaka, a semiconductor company quite well known to the local there. They turn me down citing I can't convince them I would stay there for a long haul. I personally don't like to accept any sort of rejection. But the capital H-I-M have bigger plans for me I think, as at the same time I was having a family emergency. Despite all that I still attend the interview, if that does not satisfied them, then be it.

The emergency, really shifted my attention to the family. I know I was away and wanting to spend time with friends, but the transition is so fast. I take it as a sign that I have to be here, in KL. The failure in Melaka further enhance the argument that I have to be here to look out for them.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


It is all over. The final exam marks the real final exam. not just for the semester, not just the academic year, but final for good, provided I passed the paper. As the curtain come down, and the clock is ticking when I wrote my last answer, the song ' am coming home, am coming home, tell the world am coming home' plays on my head. You know when you watch a drama, when a person about to leave, his/her whole life flashed back in an instant? All the memories I had here flashed back to me as I put down my pen, and waited for the examiner to collect my answer docket. 

E-1-B have a lots of good and bad memories. At first, I wasn't suppose to be staying here at the first place as I was promised a room somewhere else until the tenant changed their mind. Although there are some bad period in the house, most of the period after those bad influence are removed went smoothly. My housemates, I wish you all well, and I know all of them will do well once they leave. As some will fly to Korea, some are working for the some of the top companies around. I am glad to have these housemates, although some that I did not spend much time with. But come FYP season, we have people to consult to for programming problem, and we converted our living hall into a real life lab, where soldering, chemical etching and etc can all be done. So regardless you are doing software or hardware, there are ppl you can consult to. We had our farewell few weeks ago at 'Tasty Pot'. I really do hope one day we can meet up again at this place we call home for the past 4 years.

As for MMU, well I guess I experience almost all of it. Thinking of how much fun I going to have, bbq-ing and doing all that activities at the inital place I suppose to stay, makes me dropped the question during the exams during my cadet interview, at my Alpha year. All because I don't wanna missed out on all the good time that I potentially have over in Cyber.Do I regret it? sometimes yes, especially when am lost doing engineering.but the memories do compensate it a little bit.

For exams in MMU, I seat for all of it. The supp, the repeat, the full mark for coursework and still fail due to brain black out, the perfect score for coursework, synthesizing something for the first time in the uni, the collaboration with industry, the overseas trip representing the university.. yes the ups and down, all but one - the dean's list. Work hard, I have. Yet I still not sure why I still can't score.  I guess this is the challenge, for me to pick myself up from failure. Things goes really smoothly throughout high school and primary, just this 5 year had been challenging, academically.

As for frens, after leaving its like pressing the 'restart' button from 5 years ago, where now everyone goes back to their hometown again. but this time, we know each other. Thus going to other states, now we have friends to call. Although things will change for obvious reason, the person you see everyday might not be around, or the person you sleep in the same room, that first person that you saw when you get up, might not be there anymore, or the person you always have meal with, the next time you will probably eat your lunch alone, or with new and unfamiliar faces. Thats the reality. As my time comes to an end here, I do not wish it to end, as there are not enough time spend with each and every individual. But then again thats fact and reality that I have to face. Leaving with a heavy heart..

Sunday, May 8, 2011

happy mother's day

went to this little girl birthday last weekend, she turn 2. she is the daughter of my cousin. the first among my cousin to have kids. There are few kids playing around, watching the cartoon on the tv. I think to myself I never have any sort of party for my birthday when I was at her age, not even a simple one, although we do celebrate among family members. Went to the happiest place for kids in Malaysia - Toys R Us. Got her a set of masak-masak toys and the toys today are so much different from my time. She fed me with panda cookies, and that worth every single cent of the gift. A sweet gesture, as she are quite the shy type. Days before, I received an SMS from my sister saying the girl got beaten by her nanny, till there are marks at the backside. In case anyone wondering, the nanny was a chinese from Cheras

And today is Mother's day. My first time having korean at Doraen if I spell it correctly. Personally I feel that my mom is a lucky lady. She have all her 3 children celebrating with her, and hopefully if I pass the paper on friday, her long time wish to have all her 3 children to graduate from university will come true, as she is not that lucky during her time, not being able to further her study. But there I will always remember 2 person when it comes to Mother's day. The other person, my nanny. As both of my parents are working to put meal on the table, this nanny look out for me when I was young. She operates the canteen at the railway station when we were at Kuala Krai, Kelantan. She is quite a successful entrepreneur in a own right. Those mak cik that need a loan would go to her to pawn their jeweleries. She trusted me, she guide me using her nice china when she cook. My parents are worries that I might break her nice set of china. But she reassure them that its alright. Even though my memories during the time she was my nanny are now a bit hazy, but like the malay saying... " jasamu tetap dikenang". Sadly for her, her children are a bit naughty.  A few years back when I stop by to visit her during Chinese New Year, its sad to see she is not working for others, washing plates, fried banana. Due to the children, she as a parents suffers. Sometimes the world is not fair, how much she put in to take care of others children ( me) and yet why can't she get a good karma, live a good and simple life especially at such an old age?

She then moved to Segamat her kampung with her husband. Its sad that I can't visit her during my trip back on Chinese New Year. I wish I can share or chip in financially, but all I can do now is to sent her sms, during days like today to wish her Happy Mother's day. During dinner she sms me her address asking me and my family to visit.Its a mix emotion. I feel sad that what have happen to her, and yet happy to know that she still remember me. but the word is terharu, touched.

A happy mother's day to my mom and also my mom. both have brought me up to who I am today. Thank you

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Run baby run!

 I never was a runner. At school, I play football, basketball and badminton.Most of my close friends runs well, especially during the school's sport day. Most of them do sprint. I am not sure if its just mental or I cant physically run especially distance running, but sports like badminton, I could play for 10-20 minutes straight? but never running.

So i sign up for the Energizer Night Race, just at the heat of the moment. Its an unique event,held at night and at SIC ( Sepang International Circuit), many people can saw they watch the Formula One from the grandstand, but not many can say they actually touch and go through the entire circuit. I also would just wanna spend some time with my friends. I know most of them practice running for the marathon. Some run at the school track, some at the gym, some at the street around campus. For me, I always think WTF I did sign up for 11km?! always after running the 1km stretch of straight road nearby Cyberia. And the actual race is 11 times more. I always curse myself for making such harsh decision without knowing my ability. Its like buying a shirt without measuring my size. Most of my friends that practice hard always improve on their time, and deep down I know I will be the last during the race.

But, to think of it, such big events, for sure there are a lot more experience runner than myself. So I took my eye from the grand prize, and this race is not about competing for the main draw, or to compete among my friends. Its a race between me and myself. As I watch the Youtube video on the testimony of the runner especially the runner with the artificial leg, I keep on thinking what he said, "Dig Deep"

As I went for Formula One the previous weekend, I notice from the first lap of the marathon that the route is hilly and sometimes flat. So I device a way, where I would only run when its down hill, because running uphill would consume more energy. From the flag off to the 2nd turn, I was already alone. I don't see any familiar faces around. At that moment as I approach the finishing line for the first lap, I really just feel like giving up. My legs are tired, I am thirsty, I never run so far before not even during my practice.

But, somehow I just walk pass the finishing line to start my last lap, I continue walking and put on my I-pod. As SIC is located nearby the airport, I can hear the jet fuel burning as the plane starts to accelerate. A lot goes through my mind then, most are those things that might not go my way, in the past and also currently. Deep down, there are lots of dissatisfaction. There are lots of things I would like to tell a lot of people, most are well not the nicest thing. I could write in my blog or post it on FB but I know, for sure there are people who will tell. I keep inside, brush it off to avoid friction. All these unhappiness I felt, motivates me to push on with my run, as I run my heart out, a sense of relived arise, just like how u shout your heart out when u feel frustrated. As I run and run, I started to walk as I felt tired, I felt someone tapping my on my shoulder, not its not the ghost, its Pei Se, it surprise me that she was behind me, as she always run in the gym. She run ahead as I was too tired to catch up. 

With the free Gatorade, I quench my thirst towards the last lap, I try to dramatize it with splashing it to my face like how you see it on TV. BAD IDEA! it sting my eyes, but not for long lah. As I see the finishing line, again Pei Se  tap me from behind and we finish the race together. As we cross the finishing line, we saw Jansen crossing it too. It really surprise me that I finish together with both of them, as both of them are one of the best runner among my friends.

So not bad lah for my first marathon. Although the organizer was bad. Marathon is a sort of thing that makes you push and push even when you just wanna give up, dig deep and its amazing how life experience let it be bad or good can overcome physical barrier. Mind over matter sort of thing. So its true what the speaker said, " Once you cross the finishing line, its a life changing moment". Can't wait for the medal

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Is it worth it?

For the past two semester break, and semester I been spending my time for my Final Year Project. Time pass and I don even feel its like a new semester, as I work continuously throughout the break. Travelling up and down,the time, the cost, the energy. Past few days as I am writing my journal, I asked myself is it worth it? Sometimes working at a threshold of your limits and bang, get shot. Propose an idea, and bang get shot. Rushing at wee hours and submit first thing in the morning, and got shoot down again. It is destroying my morale, but I guess thats the real world ain't it? Results matters the most NOT how much effort you put it.

Sometimes I do envy when I go on Facebook to see few of my uni mates, either be going back hometown or go and unwind on various holiday destination, local and abroad. Most seems relax while I see myself struggling. But I guest this rant because I feel it sucks to get shot down consecutively time and time again. It like how you look at a person from the outside, thats all matters. It's almost 3.30 am. I guess I am just tired.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Joke... relax just joking!

There are a lot of way to make people laugh, 
Jokes are normally would be one of the way,
There are a lot type of joke, 
the "knock knock" joke, the "why the chicken cross the road" joke
or joke being told in a form of expression like "So cheaaaaaaap"- Kampung boy the musical or
in a way of sarcasm way

Pak Samad: "Itu anak aku, kau tahu kan?"
Din: "Saya tahu Pak Samad."
Pak Samad: "Cantik tak dia?"
Din: "Lawa."
Pak Samad: "Aku buat dia dalam masa 5 minit sahaja! Kau tak perlu setengah jam untuk buat benda yang cantik! Habiskan artikel kau tu sekarang juga!

But jokes like 'come close like a crystal structure?' or 'my life is a sinewave?' seriously wtf is that? or what shifted joke?  oh engineering student get some sense of humor will you? outside of the lab does anyone wanna  relate what is blue or red shifted is? 

                                              Here, this is ladies shifted! with a high yield!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

good times

They say good times won't last, although its true but nobody say about we won't be able to preserve the good times right? wish not to jinx things but things are good lately. Apart from hard time getting a job, and just being able to watch during badminton due to my injured arm. yes no doubt that there are lots of things to do, especially with the various dateline to meet. but to balance all that, we do need to have some fun too right?

St.Patrick's day

Tun Mahathir the musical

Kampung Boy the musical

Getting access to media passes to St.Pat's day was good due to the free food, and drinks. plus having a place to chill. Nobody ask you questions when you got the badge on. its like some sort of VIP. Although I am not much to a drinker (alcohol) but this is my first time going for St.Pat's day. Yes I know somehow somewhere there are sure more to St.Pat's day, the tradition etc... but there is enough of studying in the class and also for FYP to make me look out for the true meaning of it. Just wanna have fun! 

Going to two musical. wow! At best, I only go to one musical each year, or maybe 2 years. But the first one was about our nation great leader. Regardless about the politics and all that jazz, if we look at it in a positive manner, the man have no doubt transform our country. Nobody is a saint to be perfect, but his contribution is something that cannot be deny. Plus one of my good friend also been working his butt off for the musical, so its nice to see what is he working on. 

Last night's musical on Kampung do hit close to home. It was mental! I could relate moving from a Kampung to a big town, leaving your friends, your house and all that. And not to forget the D-W-Y-L L-W-Y-D song, certainly hit hard inside. Full of laughter and emotion at the same time. Oh ya, nothing to complain about when we crash the party during the interval. Hey, how can you complain to free food?  

My first concert ever! Glad its was Micheal Buble. I do heard a lot of comment on him being rubbish and singing other's song. But you like your stuff, and I like mine. They concert was mental! Although going there with one my good friend, rizal and it seems like we are like some gay couple as most of the people go there are couple. But like Buble said, " If you wanna dance, sing out loud, go ahead, because its a bloody big country and the chances of you meeting the person beside is low. It about enjoying youself" I certainly do till almost lost my voice, once the song "Home" started playing. Awesome  concert! And there are probably few singers that I actually willingly pay money for to attend their concert, Jane Monheit is the TOP of the list, and maybe Train. Sadly, they would only tour the states, most of the time. 

I can only wish that I have this much fun at the start of my uni life, although now it is almost come to an end. Playing badminton certainly do bring me back to the days when I used to play with my friends almost everyday. Hope to get my arm fix, and my stroke right again, plus my fitness. With that, what are the chances the old people have right? * hau lian talk*

Next UP! The Malaysia Formula one GP. Finally ever since Alpha that I was planning this with Meisiem. And MOST of the time, there are something up. But this year, with a seat at the main grandstand and a 3 day pass and an entrance for the RAIN concert. It sound awesome, and I hope it is awesome without anyone throwing tantrum.

The Energizer night race. I got no idea why oh why I did sign up for the 11km, or sign up for a marathon at the first place. Running is something that I did not excel with. On the bright side, its about conquering and pushing your mind. It will be tiring, no doubt. I hope this will instill the 'never say die'  attitude in me. Especially I am having a presentation 1 day after the race. As this presentation is important in several different level. Myself, as I really wanted to give an 'Obama' speech, and for my future, if the presentation goes well, it will be a value added to my CV. 

Can we really stop time? No as I found out while rushing for my FYP draft. I found that out the hard way.  As all will go to their separate ways soon, wish everyone well, and hope to have time like this again.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

disconnect to reconnect

Now hardly anyone is blogging anymore. Not much update and some even shut down blog site, possibly no-thanks to sites like tweeter. Back to the fundamentals, I start to blog to reconnect with my friends when I first enroll myself in MMU.

Blink here, blink there, now it is the final semester of my final year.Lots have happen. No doubt. Before this I am not confidence whenever people asked me when will I be done. My answer is always be 'hopefully' by June. No doubt the lack of confidence is due to my grades. However, I know that everytime during finals, I already gave my all.

So last Friday, the results was announce. It might not be good for others standard, but for me personally, it is an improvement. Spontaneously, Yee Kean over heard my cheer for joy. We went for breakfast, and as fast as social media is as Facebook, Chris gave a comment. Overwhelm by joy, I invited him along too.

So there we are, the 3 of us. Myself, Yee Kean, Chris.  Pops in my mind, that all 3 of us known each other ever since the first day of MMU as we are orientation group mates, but throughout the years, I can't recall 3 of us seating together for a meal. Maybe the lack of chemistry or for what ever reason 3 of us don't really hang out together as 3. But during breakfast is like how u meet an old friend. Of course there are moment of awkward silence, but old stories before this does provide the laughter.

Yesterday I met up with my high school friends. It used to be 5 of us. But as we grow older, each have their own path to follow. To my surprise that Raymond start talking to me on FB, he wanted to meet up with me and Amar, but I delay it to yesterday as I was occupied with the FYP and also Rizal is coming back. But a chance to reconnect with Ray after so many years of disconnection is something am glad to do. Its like the good old time we have during dinner. Although the topic is not like the topics before- girls. Now the topic is more related to career, politics and life. Unfortunately one of us decide to shun himself away from us. I do hope he will turn around and reach out trying to re-connect with us like how Raymond did. The best part of the night is that everyone seems to be doing just fine.

Sometimes we might be busy with our own thing, sometimes our friends might be busy with their own things too. Separation is something that none of us can avoid. Because we have our own little path to follow, we have our own interest and we have our own life. But I hope I would have more time or opportunity to re-connect again with my friends.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

post exam

The curtain for this semester come to a close, funnily am still at campus, hoping and literally praying that I can make at least some progress on my thesis. But hopefully this is the last semester break I will be spending here. As much as I am going to miss E-1-B, been here for 4 years, somehow the feeling of attachment will grow. Thick and thin, a lot of happy and sad memories are all stored here.

I remember someone asked me, "hey what year are you in now?"  at that time I was in my second year, not giving much to the alpha,beta etc year thing, I replied " epsilon"...  and the person asked "wow how can u survive so long here?!" Lynda, the person was you. And now you are going for internship next semester.

After the finals paper, I start to doubt myself if next semester  will be my last semester. The paper is quite tough even if the coursework mark is quite OK. 2 weeks of exams and also Chinese New Year passed by so fast, and here come this 2 weeks of so called semester break. Next, the new semester. The wait for the finals result is not quite the nicest of experience. What I have learn for this past 2 weeks is, life is quite unpredictable.

I witness 2 person laptop was stole, one person's father passed away, another person's mother woke up from a coma, and my plans are hanging on a thin thread because of the finals. It shows that our life is fragile, even if we have tons of wonderful plans, but the outcome or the implementation might be different. Maybe for the better or maybe for the worst.

                       "The chicken doesn't know the egg will hatch or be an omelette" - 3 idiots

Friday, February 11, 2011

13 weeks all we have

13 weeks, looking at the academic calender its all the time I have in MMU. The first time I got the offer letter, I was not ecstatic to say the very least, somehow my parents stood their ground and won't budge. After a blink of an eye its already almost time to say goodbye. Begin with the wrong steps, I hope to end it with the right one.

So Chinese New Year almost come to an end. Being always with the 'whats next' attitude, I have several plans to do after ending my study here. I planned to sent in the job applications after Chinese New Year, somehow, let it be the lack of courage to figure out the unknown , waiting for other opportunity, whatever it is, I felt reluctant to submit my applications. Although I have my preference, I learn not to rule out any possibilities, thus leaving me currently in a limbo, lost. At the same time, I just wanna enjoy and appreciate the moment I have left here, thus having a 'whats next' attitude does not go down well.

Having finals right after the Chinese New Year is just horrible timing to be honest. But is there any use really in complaining? I cut short my holiday and flew back early even though my paper is way at the end of the exam period. This year, a picture of a man is up upon a request of my grandma. The man is her late husband, my late grandpa. She requested me to put up his picture, I remember the picture. Its the one that I held during the funeral and also on the way back from the crematorium. She also asked me to look at certain papers, whether if its still useful. Upon the pile of papers, I stumble upon grandpa's dead cert. Its been 8 years since he left us.Even though I can hardly speak to him due to my poor command of Cantonese, I always remember how he asked me to seat next to him to watch badminton or WWF RAW!

After he left us, mom really step up to the plate. Her attention diverted grandma, until today. Not failing to call her every night, even if we are on vacation. Although there is a point where I felt why she is not bothering bout me, or help me, but that feeling is just because I was bitter about not being enrolled in the flying school. I did confront her, but I guess I disappoint her when I did that. She felt that I was big enough to be independent, thus she pays more attention on grandma and also other cousins that need her attention. Now I do start to understand her more, and I know when the time comes, her attention will be on my cousins. Her aim is to help them especially with their educations for a better future.

Its her birthday on the 19th and also my last paper. I hope to give her a dean's list as a gift. If that fails, I hope she don't mind a late gift with the degree cert. This what's motivate me. Happy early birthday mom.  

Monday, January 31, 2011

Happy Chinese New Year

I see a similarities between Christmas and also CNY, because both also come down to the fundamental of gathering our loved ones together. Last Christmas I knew it will probably the last one most of my friends in MMU will shared together. Although some might still keep in touch but how many will still make time from busy working life is still unknown. Thus last Christmas I spend some time with few of my closest friend in MMU other than my time with my close family.

For CNY, its more to a broader spectrum for me. This time it involve the immediate family, grandparents, aunty, uncles. Not knowing what will next year bring, I am not too sure if this will be the last time that I will take the car down to hometown. 

Talking about hometown, I am not sure what to answer when people asked me that. Some will refer hometown as the place that they born, some is their kampung or where their grandparents are, and some will refer it as home, where their parents and siblings are. But for me, all of these are different places.

So let me rephrase is that this time am going back kampung, where my grandparents or to be more accurate where my grandmas are. But it will be like a drive back memory lane because I will passed by Kuala Krai where I was born and raise till standard 4 before I arrive at Wakaf Bahru where my grandmas are. 

CNY is a lot different already now compared to before. The uhm... is no longer there. Yes I do still anticipate the eve dinner or reunion dinner and then come the first day of the lunar new year, where MOST of the ang pau are collected, then what? It will b a boring spiral where everyone just watch Astro Wah Lai Thoi? 

Moving a lot and staying far have kept me away from mingling with my cousins, and of course the language barrier and the same time with the age gap. As for the older cousin, some already are married and some will go to their friends place for new year visiting, but the younger one, let just say its a bit worrying looking at their trend. Am I being too old and not cool to groove with the young ones? or I see a bleak future for them. I wish I could communicate with them, try and make them understand the importance of education. And with education, it could help their family or at least improve the living of their parents. To be brutally honest, some of my uncles work like hard, doing job that physically demanding, but as age is catching up, how long more can they carry on? I wish my little cousins could understand this. Most of them are either in middle of secondary school or finishing primary school. It never too late to clean up their act and try to improve their grades. Although I am not the best qualified to talk about grades, however I feel getting themself enroll in higher education should be a priority and right now I feel I am the closest that could relate to them. But translating this into a manner that they would understand it seems like almost impossible.

My pre CNY celebration with friends however is  not so bad. Before going back hometown for some, and for me going to continue my FYP part 2, I took or we all took a break from all that project to have some outing to Istana Budaya to watch Mahathir the Musical 2. 

Us with the Director

The girls with their hero

Northen good looks meet East Coast beauty

Yes the 'purposely fall' right Jansen?
 A musical about one of the great leader in the region regardless what is your political point of view is, his contribution is something that nobody can ever deny. Although just 5 of us watching this, I feel its a good thing because all can communicate without any being left out. It was a good night, except for the after effect of the Petai and Ikan Bakar, which is a story for another day. Happy Chinese New Year everyone, may the prosperous luck and abundance of joy hop into your life this new year. 


The first day of the year, lot of people are getting married due to the date of 1.1.11, a meaningful date probably saying that your are the one for me. I have an exciting news too that I received, where one of my close buddy, Amar is planning get engage to his girl friend later this year.

The first thought that come to my mind is, CONGRATULATIONS! as growing up with him since primary although we only get closer in secondary school, we always have a healthy competition to motivate each other, from exams to sports.Good time we have is during form 1 and 2 period where almost every day we played badminton right after school till late evening with another 2 friends of ours, and he used to be my partner. Now we do miss our favorite sport, badminton. 

Throughout the years although we went separate ways as he is studying in UKM and doing IT, and am in MMU doing engineering. We do still keep in touch to hang out, and of course sometimes its understandable that both are busy with our own thing.

Seeing him with his current girlfriend, I know that my friend here is really into this girl compared to other girls he dated before. In my opinion age is not really a matter when it comes to wedding or love. What matters most is the mutual feeling, and to be realistic, financial independence is also key.  Some will marry 10-20 years their senior, some dated for 10 years, and married for 6 months and break up. 

So instead of doubting a good news like a wedding, by asking question ' hey don't you think you are too young?' Am going into this, with the attitude of 'I am your man if you need anything'. He is my friend and I got his back. Congrats! Can't wait to dawn my Baju Melayu and KENDURI! and of course my role of sort of best man in the wedding need to be study, as this is a different culture.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


I went to a wedding today at Komplek Tabung Haji. It was my mom's colleague holding a wedding for her children. Anyways, there are only a handful of non-muslim. A lady asked, what is the population of the non over in Kelantan? Probably around 6-7 % of the total I assume.

There have been a few moment in past few days questioning about Kelantan. So here is to separate the fact and fiction.

  1. There IS a CHINA-town. An area where they sell chinese food, and there is a CHINESE MARKET, where they sell non-halal goods like pork.
  2. There are NO gender segregation at school during my time. Similar to the school I attended in KL, we seat the same way, mix boys and girls in class and also at the canteen.
  3. Female CAN wear anything they one including shorts. Especially the non muslim. People will look or stare maybe because you are hot.
This is the top 3 thing I got asked most. Especially in the mix gender interaction. The misconception that people there follow extreme islamic law is totally false. Of course boys and girls can interact, however of course there are boundaries too. Which is also logical to prevent in-moral activities. For example my friend Amar went to the town and another friend of ours, a girl bring him around town in her bike. They travel without any problems.

Kelantan don't really have a tourist attraction in my point of view or any main one, also there are not much of working opportunity, thats why sometimes you can see there are lots of Kelantanese around KL. And when they met, regardless the race, most are like brothers and sisters.

It don't have 2 Tesco,not a Maju Jaya state, no. It certainly not. But its home for us Kelantanese. Comfort zone. Good food and also peaceful place to be. I am looking forward to spend a few days there for CNY, but certainly won't be a place for me to consider to get a job. Being proud of being a Kelantanese is one thing, but at same time we are also realistic. I wish there a little bit more development there, but at the same time I don't really want anything to change over there. 

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A decade

How to start leh?Should say its been the longer hiatus I been away from blogging.  I could not find a better post than the previous one, but I got the urged to blog this time. Maybe is not the most appropriate of time as its just 6 a.m and people like Kok Jin just going to sleep, I know I have slides to do and need to compile it with the group a few hours more. 

As this semester coming to a close, certainly feels like a blink of an eye. Soon I have to say goodbye to everyone as everyone will walk their own  path. Knowing this, it makes me appreciates the moment more. Yes I know I'll be busy with my FYP even before the start, I anticipate it and it won't be a walk in the park. But I can say I am the lucky one. Having 2 supervisors, yes sometimes you get double the scrutiny, double the work, double of everything, and in between the double critics, there also be double benefit for me to improve on my work. Travelling up and down to Melaka every Friday, and trying to make time for the family on Sunday, is not cheap if you count the cost, but it feels rewarding when you feel you have a balanced between, work and personal life, although sometimes you just need time for yourself.

So 2011 came, and its a beginning of a new decade and end of another one. A decade ago my friend asked me which girl should he choose, a senior or the girl similar age to us. Am glad that I told him to choose the one with similar age to us. They are together ever since. This decade probably one of the most memorable and also I could remember most, the sweet memories of high school, and memories of university, where I leave the nest and time to fly. 

But the previous decade when I was 0-10 years old, certainly played a role in building my foundation. Yes I still remember the park that I played in and the nanny who took care of me. I wish I could see her again as I would visit her every time I went back for CNY, but news is, she left town to go back to her hometown in Segamat. I can proudly say I am a Kelantanese, without hesitance when people asked where is my hometown. There is really nothing bad about brought up in an Islamic state. If ask any of my friends they would know I am a pro-government, however I think we can take a look at Kelantan if we really want to achieve 1 Malaysia. I really miss the integration between races. Here in KL, sometimes being expose too much or having too many opinion on things, have it bad side. Back there, we just accept. My house over there is just less than 50m from the mosque, what ever time they pray, we just accept it. As a quote from the song Hijau "Apakah gunanya kematangan fikiran?, bila di jiwa kita masih lagi muda dan mentah"

But the most significant one should be the move to KL. It is just the 5 of us. Through hard time, through good time, it is just 5 of us. Nobody really did help, that makes us stronger.Raising 3 children in a metropolitan like KL is not really easy. There are lots of influence and lots of things can go wrong. Mixing with the wrong crowd, and its hard to make a U turn. I witness it myself when I see my friends today. Some I am still wondering why? Why did they not join me here.Money? There is always PTPTN. Deep down inside I just feel like it is just about the fame of joining private collage, which unfortunately they did not enroll either. But there is only So much you can do. I remember bringing them to cyberjaya open day. Ask the lecturer about the courses for them, and purchasing the form for them. 

Witnessing how hard my family struggle, I understand the situation, its hard to digest watching the play station at the game shop in mid valley. I want it, but I know my parents can't afford it. Yes I want that Nike shirt, but Nike is not cheap.There is always limitation, and if I asked for more, I am not sure if I would get it, but at the same time I know I will hurt my parents feeling because they could not afford it. To put things in perspective, Rm 10 can buy lunch for the whole family in Kelantan, over in KL, it can't even get you a Prosperity set. So with the same salary, imagine living in KL with 3 children that is growing.

But today although we are just slightly better, people look at us differently. I don't really like that. If you say you come from a small town, I could relate, if you say you are broke, I could relate.If you say you are rich I can't relate but I have richer friends. All the success of the family I should say its owed to my parents. 

This year is the year for me to work, I would like to follow my parents footstep, and leave the nest. Although the grass is not always greener on the other side, but there are whole lots of experience to gain from, for good or for bad.

What will this decade have installed for me? Work? Travel? Marriage? Kids? Only way to conclude this is,

'We propose, God dispose'