If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

update@ starbux

glory glory man utd! the king of europe.after almost 48 hours without of sleep, i finally catch come atter the match. exam is over, last nite was my first night at my new home. lots of things that i need to get used to, for example, i don't know where are stuff are placed, i shall get used to it during the break. anyways there are tons of unpacking left, makes me wonder why am so free to be at starbucks now to go online.just after indiana jones, the first movie i watch here,at Aeon bukit tinggi, the biggest jusco in South East Asia, its no midvalley, but hey, its not that bad after all, guess i have to make do with what i have. which is just a stone throw away from my house. which remind me i have to literally walk home later, but i guess i can take it as an evening stroll, as the lap top is not that heavy after all. the new house was nice, except the location. but its all good i supppose.makin do with what i have and i have to change to changes surrounding me. tho that sux, guess thats life right? the sudden positive-ness surrounding me instead of my emo-post can be credited to this beautiful Ipanema cake am havin now. its THAT good! mayb tomorrow i shall come again.

watching indiana jones, alone,might sound a lil sad, who watches movie alone?!in cinema. when i asked my dad last nite if he wanted to watch, he ask me for the time of the movie, but he got a phone call, saying the Thai people are here. so off he went with the driver fetching him. lucky for me, as soon as i arrive, the show is in 5 minutes.

talking bout movies, i been watching quite a few for my standards. 3 movies in 48 hours.first was what happen in vegas with kean,way chow,jj,tze ying,yin fung and pei se after the exam, which really a nice show, funny, touching and romantic. then while waiting for man u match at 245, i catch hitman on dvd. the game that i played since form 1, finally turns into a movie, great action scene, but kinda violent.just like the game. well indiana jones, since its just released today, i shall not spoilt it for ya'll k?

thats all for now, happy hols, and save trip for those who are travelling.

Monday, May 19, 2008

kenangan terindah

tomorrow is my last paper.after that i be at my new place. the decision is already been made. after 28th my fate shall be official seal. although, a miracle would be great, but the chances is unlikely.after everything that is gone through, the decision is not mine. not to be sad, i would be lying. as i already got it all plan out from from feb 11 2007 till light years ahead. i been reading children's bible story during the week before exam.there is a story how Jesus heal this sickly man. the morale of the story is, belive in miracle. as many miracle i witness through my life,this can be said to be one of the hardest, but u make me belive that miracle do happen when u come back to me.i will never hate you, do try remember that k? you always have a special place here.love you.. sorry i know you wont to see me like this.thus i wont show you, or let you hear me.my finger cant speak no more. here is a song for you.i really wish i can tell you all i want when the next time i see you.

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Sunday, May 18, 2008

one last

why every good thing have to come to an end?

i heard life is full of challenges,

complete it and you be stronger,

and there is always a test to a relationship,

going through the storm make the bond stronger,

sometimes you don't want to let things go,

no matter how hard you try to hang on to it,

but it takes two to tango,

things are hard to build,

but sadly its easy to bring it down,

feeling changed,

that what i've been told,

but is it that easy?

wishing to turn back time ,

many people seeking for it,

2nd chances,

does it really change things?

the heart and the mind to synchonise is hard,

what really is promise?

is it just words to comfort others?

and make ourself feel better at THAT moment only

and forgotten after a while?

what is really honesty?

just an imaginary image for others to look at?

what is anger?what is pain?what is a broken heart?

a phase of life?

what is prejudice?

are we really better than the other person as we would like to think?

rome is not build in a day they say,

is it destroyed in a day?

what is really forever?

is it never?

why?how?does feeling change?

blaming others is just an excuse,

is no = yes?

is nothing = something?

is "i don mind" = " i mind"?

can we be satisfied with what we have?


watch the video and listen to the words if u have time..

well its 3am now.. that song been playing on my ipod continously for who knows how many time.first of all i would like to apologise to JJ, cause he have to put up with this, as like a normal human, would be sleeping by this hour, hope my light don distract him from his sleep, den to yee kean, i dono if i could give u back the solution later, as i wont know what time i would be sleeping.thanks to cav, for offering a listening IF i wan it, but i guess i wont bug u,not forgetting you kind and consoling words, which i hope its true-that things will be alright, and to kelvin for trying to distract my attention away from emo-ness,though i left u speechless. guess i should off the comp now, and continue with my work and emo songs.and a happy Wesak day for those who are celebrating it.

"di kehingan malam, termenung ku berseorang, tak lena mata dipejam"

'You Can Let Go '

I could see it in your eyes
Broken windows, fallen skies
Baby, baby what you hiding from
Light that followed you around
Lately no where to be found
Don't you know that I'm your place to run

You been holding on so long
Trying to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
There ain't nothing you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know
That you can let go

Shifted through shattered dreams
Living in the in between
Baby, baby it's gonna be alright
(You can let go)
When you're lost, let down, disappoint
And jerked around in this cold, cold world
I will always be by your side

You been holding on so long
Trying to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
There ain't nothing you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know
That you can let go

Don't be afraid when you're falling apart
Don't hesitate, I'll be right where you are
Open your eyes, there's a crack in the dark

You never let me see you cry
You locked it somewhere deep inside
Baby, baby let me hold you tight
Make it alright

Baby, baby gonna be alright
Cause I'm by your side
When the whole world turns against you
(Not letting it show)
(I won't turn against you)
Baby, baby gonna be alright
Cause I'm by your side
When the whole world turns against you
(I won't turn against you)
You can let go

You been holding on so long
Trying to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
(You can let go)
There ain't nothing you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know

stop right now, thank you very much

wanna stop thinking, but I can't seem to.
Why the heck I'm thinking, I don't even know.
There's nothing to consider about, so why bother to?

Let it naturally come about, I will finally know ?

It's just me. Had always been, still am, but hoping never to be anymore.
Fickle-mindedness is really starting to take its toll on me.

know there are two sides to every coin. But I know better that for every decision made, it must have been given thorough thinking and made with pure confidence.
Quite disappointingly, I seemed to lose alot of confidence lately. I can't seem to make good decisions anymore

Gotta stop, gotta stop this nonsense! There are so many things running through my lil brainy right now, and added with the indecisiveness in me, I don't think it can sustain it all.
Already I'm feeling lost every now and then, I don't wish to totally lose it all.
So however it may be, Julian, don't make the wrong moves.
Let fickle-mindedness stop just at those lil petty stuffs, alright?

The Importance Of Letting Go

Another phase in life, I suppose?

To realize the importance of letting go. And to find peace, as well as joy, in doing so. I've heard of this phrase just now, and it really struck me bad. It goes something like this,

"If you hold on to a beautiful butterfly too tightly in your palm, you would only kill it. But if you were to free it from your grasp, you could enjoy the beauty of it."

Saturday, May 17, 2008

old friends

lately lots of old faces poping into my face.

while reading electronics notes outside the library before the exam, i was looking around, trying to memorise the formula. it was noisy. suddenly a voice came " julian..........psss..... julian" i was wondering is it for me or another julian? then he wave. i din not recognise him as his facial hair and his hair was long, almost a pony tail, and he is not that skinny no more. it was my primary school fren kananat. i was OMG, i though he is some kinda "mandek" or "tai lo" as he is always was. well its good to hear that he is in FIT, facaulty of IT. those am not close, but i know he can be count on IF, there is need for a "persuasion".

akfan ikhlan

its been 10 years since i left Kuala Krai, went i first left, it was hard, i wrote letters to my friends and sent them via snail mail as there are no e-mail at that time.sadly no reply. as i pass by Kuala Krai for chinese new year, i still wonder where they are. as there are no reply, i guess they have forgotten bout me.my mom always ask me "what is that boy name? the father sells chicken at the market, do u go find him?" all those friends i made since kindergarten and almost thru primary. but a fwe days ago i receive a mail from an unknown sender via friendster, asking " are you julian gan han jiang?" i was shocked! then he intro himself and how we used to be in the same kindergarten. the last memory of him is, that we are the 2 that was picked for the head boy post, as unbeliveable as it sound, yes i was a prefect before. but i guess the post is not for me as i left mid way through for KL.

nice car

thats Ong ka ting if am not mistaken @ one of her CNY open house

with YTL

i got a phone call, wen i was last in bangsar

" mr.gan! you know who is this?"

it was Jermaine, another primary school friend,she was in BSC doing some charity asking me to go to support, due to my thin wallet, i din go as i know for sure i have to buy something. its amazing how things turn 180 or almost. because she and another chinese girl, Shane yee, is the one that always make me and my friends get into trouble and sent to the principal office. how we hate each other before, although now we don love each other, but things are ok, although there are lots of invitation that i have turned down, for example the SIFE fashion week @ zouk, or b'day and new year party, also the dinner before the election. as her mom is close to the ex lembah pantai MP. currently studying in Nott Uni, she is the one with all the connection and probably can do anyting, from charity job, office work, as she have done it all. changed a lot ever since i saw she cried her eye ball out when the UPSR result is out.

*** as we go along, there are lots of friends we make. its great that if they could remember us, and we could do the same. having friends not only that stand by you when you are having a drama queen moment, not saying am a saint, but i guess am honest and sincere when i made friends with them. so innocent back then, but for now, maybe we make friends to get " connection". but for me personally, let it be some the son of the chicken seller or the one with all the connection, friends are friends and, there are no double standard to it, if they are nice to you, u b nice back. for the good things i've done or the bad things, i am glad that they remember me, although some might already forgotten about me even if we are in secondary or after leave for overseas, but its ok, we cant control others action upon us.

**** pics from friendster

quit playing game

feelings, everyone have it right?even as cold as hitler, he has a lover.but the various feelings is all depends. some tend to feel rage, rebelious, loving, caring and etc...

some might view life as a game, the one is business field might look at it as a game of manopoly, the players at the clubs might think its all bout sex,lies and booze, and as student, the name of the game is? study!

no matter what we are doin or playing, the worst game we all could play is, the game of feelings.because its so unpredictable what the outcome will be. for example, Anable chong ( dono if the spelling is right) a singapore uni student, her feelings got screw up when she got rape.the scar is too deep for her to bare and the outcome is, she set the world record for the most gangbang. or we can take a look britney spears. when she was with Justin, its like a school sweetheart couple, and she was ready to marry him spend her life with him. in the end, she broke up, and going into a state called a spiral meltdown.she start to rebel and then she got married to that dancer,and everything goes down and down for her.the princess fallen from grace.

learning from the past,only get into a relationship when you are ready,ready to commit,ready to sacrifice, ready to be patient,ready to give in, ok i shall stop preaching like a priest or love expert, cause am far from it.

in conclusion, get away from playing with others feelings especially with those opposite sex.tears, depression, lose of apetite,slip wrist, or might even worst sucidal, no its not funny, as there are cases. look at even leslie cheong, the HK star that jump down as his partner dont want him no more. wen all these bad things happen, can we sleep peacefully at night? knowing we are the cause for it?


yesterday i heard a convo about a housemate which is NOT mine, accidentally threw away a shoe of another housemate of that unit. although the victim din say anything but the victim vent to the other housemate, stating her disatisfaction. some might say the vicitm is a hypocryte as the victim don't want to confront the thrower but in the end the conclusion is, everyone agree that the victim just would be in a difficult situation if the victim would confront the thrower, and in the end will create a bad atmosphere in the house.

but when me, don confront a problem, i was called a coward.cant i be like the victim above? just don't want to create a lot of probs?

yin told me before once " it sucks to be misunderstood!" well, there are lots of misconception about me, lots of name being thrown around, i was called inmmature,troublemaker,love to find fault,not realistic,player to name a few.

if i would confront all those person and then wats next? huge argument that wont end for years and years to come?i choose my silent, although i know some is flaming me (note that this don't apply in MMU) if i would fight back, and attack fire with fire, wont i be as shallow as them?

yes i know i have a lots of dreams, and some might say, i am not a realist.heck if u want me to be realistic,i can be as realistic as Malaysian Politics, where its obvious there are lots of shadows around. i once told a friend who is studying in sunway now, that i gonna go visit my gf at UK, as i was asking him if he have any contact for job, he laugh his butt off and tell me to dream on. i just smile back at him and say nothing. but my fren guess what? your job? pfft.... i kept my card close to my chest and to be frank, i would afford a trip at this particular second. although its not buisness class, but its decent enough to get a SIA or MAS ticket. as for me keep on wanting to fly and complaining how tough and suck engineering is,some might say "shut up and stop complaining lah" but hey, well see after graduation k? living without dream make its so empty, as the equation: work- dream = job!

i once asked my mom, why if old person like u get mad and start shouting it is call "stress" and young people like me do it, you old people will call it immature?fine i might not be THAT mature, but hey, dont everyone my age is goin thru transition period? plus dont we need to compare an apple with apple? i mean, u cant compare my maturity with someone who is older rite? no wonder girls like older man, sigh...

a short story cut short, back in Form 2, i got most of the girl in the form to stop talking to me.because they think i played with an innocent and likeable girl's heart.i kept my silent, with so much of cold shoulder i face everyday, i just kept on doing my stuff. am lucky to have a group of friends that will back and be with me no matter wat. do they know the reason behind of the break up?or do they ever put themself in my shoes?the misunderstood goes on for years, but finally, they stop giving me the cold shoulder, although one or two still have the grudge in them.

i was told " i tot u hated me!" in the end i don talk to her for years.but the truth is, i never hated her, i just feel bad thats why i kept avoiding her.see what a waste after all the years.

when am not attach, my sister's fren always asked when we go makan at Mcd, " julian mana gf?"
and chris asked before "so which one actually your gf now la?" well, i did asked my sister's fren why she ask me that, she said coz am always around gf so its impossible someone like me to be single. even though, there are lots around, i only have my heart with ONE and only ONE girl.it don make me a player,because, i don flirt with them or have ANYTHING to do with them other than being frens. for the record, i only have 2 gf.1 ex and one current one.

when am nice, people say am biased, when i wrote a poem on my dream to be a pilot, people got misunuderstood as a love poem, when i try to show that i care, people say its too much, when i write a blog post like this, people say i want sympthy and trying to the pity party,when i mention my disatisfaction, people say i love to find trouble,when i share my dream, people say am being unrealistic,when i dress up nicely, people say am loaded.

people say this and people say that.sometimes it hurts when the comment come from someone that close to your heart, and sometimes make u angry when people want to flame you because of a reason that its not appropriate to mention here.( again this don apply in MMU)

1,2,3,4,5 years, it that enough for one to understand and don have a misconcept?no matter what, whats important is, i know myself right?

Friday, May 16, 2008

a year ago..

smiles-during astro nature futsal tournament

finals almost finishing. with one more paper on wednesday, the only good luck sms was from mom yesterday, but the paper was a disaster. its almost a year since i be in cyber, its almost a year since i left Melaka.

the similarities between Melaka and cyber:

  • there are aeroplanes constantly on the air, Melaka was the smaller plane and for the student to learn, and in cyber, those in that fly overseas and Klia is just a stone throw away.

  • the people i hang out with is almost the same group of people

  • its hot!

  • it cost more than 10 bux to go home.

the difference

  • its nearer to home

  • less conflict in Melaka

  • the choices of food in Melaka is more

  • the price in Cyber is way higher for practically anything. you can get a burger here for 7 bux and over there the most will cost you 2.50?

now-mode of transport

before-mode of transport

my crib before

crazy people
class farewell

i still remember of those last day in Melaka. as i was waiting for my dad to come from KL and bro from JB.to get all my stuff. i vow not to return again, i dont look back at the gate when i left ixora. guess the reason i don like it there cause its far from home. the main reason for me shifting to cyber is to be near with those that are close to my heart. even for just a few months. and all those time and memories i had, is the sweetest and its up there with those great time that i cant and wont forget.some might say am crazy,but if only you are in my shoes,how the effect of the things that i don appreciate before, is deep inside me, tho sometimes it seems am trying too hard for it, but..... i guess it can only be explain if and only if you experience it first hand. for example, getting rape, of course we can c and feel for the victim, but what goes on, in the mind of the victim nobody knows, only the victim him/herself only knows. crazy decision, when mechanical is much more related in the field i would like to be in, for example, pilot or F1 engineer. listening to Rachel saying how her lab have lots of welding work and stuff, had me nothing to say. its my choice, crazy or not, or some might not willing to do just because of a few months, guess i have to live with it for 3 more years.


family smiles

a year ago too, i remember the time i heard from an sms from my sister at the early hour of the day saying the ticket to rome is already been bought. somehow at the airport, i feel its hard to leave.although i should be over the moon with a great holiday. when i got my first sms in the hotel room in Florence it says "i cant stop talking about you, my friends think am crazy" and " how the chinese general think the number 4 is unlucky, but am lucky to have 4 wonderful month with you". my smile was obvious for anyone to see, the tiredness of carrying the backpack full of water and jacket seems nothing, instead, i volunteer to carry it.and it is more obvious when i eat again and again and agian, of all the italian food, even after the hotel breakfast.

air asia

a year ago, i was driven by Mohan, the company driver to Air Asia training center, to take the cadet pilot exam. as soon as i got the email from them, i know i was jumping for joy, calling ash, and hit the ixora gym straight away. there i met Jason, and Jazman. about another chinese dude. everyone there are inspired to be pilot. i was so impressed by their knowledge. Jazman especially, as he is a fellow Kelantanese, and his dad was there too. now he is likely to graduate from the flying school in Kelantan, as he went privately. what actually happened in the exam room, only me,myself only knows. on my mind that time, was how fun it is, to live in the same house in SK,with all my frens, although that din not work out, and like they say, the rest of the exam is history..


happiness that cant describe by words

we are one, but even the watch is broken now

hoping she thinking of me....

a year have passed, seems like it just a blink of an eye. i got a phone call earlier says " we shifting tomorrow, so you don't have change to sleep in bangsar no more". instead of planning to go on holiday a year ago, am shifting house this time around, instead of receiving smses that make my day, i dont receive any. instead of tasting colorful italian cusine, i will discover the beautiful art of Bah kut teh, rojak and also great seafood plus steamboat too. if i would sum things up, my life is like a sine wave, up down up down up down up down up down up down..


drama mama, its true!

these are 2 true stories about two person:

He was a player. he have more ex's than his finger can count, he is a good talker,clubs, smoke, porn, all he have done, and even have a condom around with hi, thats something for your own conclusion. but then he met her. all that changed. he trying his best to be a better person.turning a new leaf. he feels strongly about her. he even save up for a wedding!, no more smoking and all that, he gave it all up.he care for her beyond words, even travel up and down to spend time with her. he try to give his all for her. but due to twist of fate, she left after knowing this other guy.and the effect? he relaps, all his bad habit now coming back, his porn collection is larger than anyone's hard disc, he smoke like a chimney, haih... must it really be this way? of course he did some bad thing in the past, but he changed.he try to make it good, and yet...sigh.

another story is a bout a girl. the first i look, the impression was " another lala" but am really really glad that i've been proven wrong.instead, left me speechless and impressed. no i dont know her personally, but her life story can be impressive. she was born, a broken family, a single parent, young child, weak body, and always sick. in the hard time, money can be tough, thus working is a solution. the amazing part is, she can afford to buy her own car now. yes its no merc and all but its a decent sedan to move around. installment, downpayment, rising fuel price,all by working while still studying.i have my hat's off i have to say.but due to a failed relationship prob,she went into eating disorder and landed into the hospital.but its all good now.

** inconclusion, gossips are nice to hear.

le sigh

i read a bumper sticker that says " happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you".there is no need for a genius to know my previous posts shows that hapiness is FAR away from myself.

this week well, with exams, studying past midnight at library,as i TRY to keep it away.to distract myself. well, this semester exam is my hardest ever, because there is TOO much happening behind the scene.it hard to keep focus when there is something behind your head rite?

i noticed that there is A LOT of gap in myself as in, i dont really know what to do in my free time. some say study lah.well, study is always a good thing, but as some might know me from last time, studying too much is NOT good. to the extend that i studied even while waiting for the bus in the morning. working too hard like that make me realised that i missed out on a LOT of things.but then again, what am doing lately is like a repetition of before.but if i don study, well there is the sense of the the" not so niceness" comes and somtimes make me feel that i really wanted to put my phone away. is it just me or or i make my own life too complicated?

last nite i been told, that i have everything and i have no reason to complain.maybe to certain extend its true but all the complain means there is lots of unsatisfation in me. thinking back, i got a lot of decision that its in my hand that i could make, but i make a lots of should i say bad one? it that why i m not happy lots of time? but then, like the saying goes, " the grass might not be greener on the other side after all"

somehow i wish i have more papers. or the new semester will start as soon as the last paper is done, as i would be able to try to fill my time and hoping for the time to fly,as now, one hour seems like forever especially during the night that i cant force myself to sleep.maybe thats why the visit to the lib, so i would be too tired to think of anything. life is bad when it hurts a LOT huh?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Do you believe in fate and destiny?

Do you know how much I care?

Words are left unspoken.

There is something between you and her.

Just because you dare not let your true feeling out from your heart, you've lost her.

Your heart is uneasy.

there is something missing and you have no idea what it is.

You was trying to tell her that, " I can bring you happiness "

You knew you can make her as the happiest lady on earth.

You knew you can do it.

You knew you can do it so much better compared to other guys out there.

You was waiting for the correct time and you never knew that the time was tickling it's way off.

It was just a call away for the girl to hear the words from the bottom of your heart. So close and yet so far for you to reach the key to her heart.

There are so many things which you dreamt to do with her. She is one significant piece of wonderful jigsaw puzzle which will complete your lonely life.Things can never be the same for you've lost the chance to unspill your words.

Different type of love come in different shapes and sizes. the same flavour of ice cream tastes differently if you take it at different weather. Love can't be compared for there isn't a ruler to measure.

"He doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all he has."

You are trying to prove her wrong, knowing that she misunderstands you.

what if ...

second chance doesn't appear again?

what if ...

there is no a second opportunity?

If only time can be reversed for the sake of your life time happiness...

Pain pain, please go away

WHY? why do you have to hurt me?


My love towards you are so deep and I handle you with great care.
and to my dismay, you hurt me badly in return. I am bleeding. my heart are torn badly. the pain which i have to endure when i try to wash the reddish wound, is unbearable. I am injured.

There isn't anything i can do to make you accept me. maybe i am still a fresh new stranger to you but time will do its job to eradicate the barrier between us. I still believe

A little time more, i suppose. =*(

I still have faith on you for I am deeply enamoured of you.
study la!!! study!!
don let anything distract you!
keep your chin up!!
don let it bring you down!!!
yes you!! you the one who is typing this now
"pills just make your joint numb, and trying to puke on an empty tummy don really help you sleep.wake up la, nobody trully care for you, so you should take care of yourself!"

remember this british guy? craig david.its already 2am, and what really keeping me awake?sigh...where is the alcohol when you need some?maybe getting wasted will help me go to sleep and try not to have so much on my head.

For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl

(tell me)
Ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
But why are you making this thing drag on so long
(I wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly game
(silly games)
Don't think that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

" sorry i just don love you no more" a simple words can hit very hard. but things like this can only be understood by those who says it. no matter how much one try, once it gone, its gone.it sucks when the ball is not in your ground rite? and the decision is not yours.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

so you finally here

wanted a place to just escape, to wonder, to open my eyes,a chance to see the world. while browsing thru the news, the MAS's Zero fair promotion pops up:
i dono what about New York that make me wanted to go there badly.
new york.. 5k plus with tax
Japan. although am not a big fan of sushi, anime, harajuku. somehow japan seems appealing.maybe the great review i got, from lots of people, or maybe just me, being emo/romantic just wanted to see the beautiful sakura flower blossoming. and the interesting culture of Japanese, where Kimono still been worn, by people of all ages.
japan: 2k plus with tax
or maybe the romance of Rome, i would love to go back to Italy.

so its finally here, maybe only taking off on march, but rm1200 to London instead of rm 4000 plus by Mas or Sia.. as long as i monitored about it, its not much of a suprise to me, as i predicted its around the price.and certainly within my budget.even now. Great city of London, Mr.Gan loves it, but what about Julian Gan? will i love it as much?

if only life its as easy as booking tickets, pack my bags and take my passport and leave. back to reality, its not THAT easy. Money does, play a significant role.

Friday, May 9, 2008

happy mother's day

ash:"you not goin back this weekend?"

me:"no i got finals remember?"

ash: "but its mother's day! go back and celebrate with your mom!"

only i remembered mother's day is so near.

a happy mother's day to all the mother out there. and the soon to be mother. when we fight with our gf/ wife we often say " sigh, woman, such trouble" but woman is the almost perfect person that we can ever find in the world. am talking about in general. of course some can be a real B, but am sure the majority of them are not.

during this mother's day, i would like to give a big shout out for my mom. yes you Mrs. Gan. because i got a slight feeling that you might be reading this, i might be wrong. but oh well, am sorry i cant be celebrating with you this Mother's day, as you know am having exams, and am sure u don't want me be around as u wan me to prepare for finals.i hope the Shang trip will happen when am on my break and when "ko-ko" is back from Jb, no matter Shang, your home cook meal, or anything, as long as we are all togather right?

i know you have been looked down upon because, you are the only one without the degree, but what does a degree? only just a paper, because what you did through out your life cant be taught by any lecturer any where in the world. its not because you are dumb, in fact u are the smartest among all, its u that keep everyone on their feet, even if its with that annoying scolding, its you that keep the money so we can enjoy, can have holidays, can have what we want.even if we complain that u are cheap, everytime u object of eating out. if you don't save, there lots that we cant afford.

your sacrifice have gone way beyond words. you don buy those expensive clothes, you dont go into those designer shop, you refuse to get a car for yourself, why? because whatever you earn, you gave it ALL to us, and of course, you carry out your resposibility as a daughter, to support your mother.you always put others in front of you. yes there are time that i am not please with the decision you made for me, but as time goes on, i know thats the right one for me.

you always tell us, "remember! we are not rich" and " if you think you are great, there are lots others better than you" as a form to motivate us, to strive, to work harder, and to be succesful in life.success doesn't mean being a millionare, it means, having a steady life. although being a millionare is not something bad after all :p

even you don't climb high on the coperate laderas high of a director, even if when you nag nobody love to listen, even sometimes we don like when you veto our choices, but i know, everyone loves you. the reason is plain and simple, because you love us, and care about us.and anytime, i am proud to call you my mom.i love you, and am sorry for all my wrongs and only start appriciating you when days like this comes. happy mother's day.


i know for a fact there are lots of food lovers out there. those are willing to spend for great food. here is sue's site u can c at the link below. she is back from London, and now working. and some BB would know she is our senior, no matter what happen back then with her still current bf, Jien. they are doin great.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

an open post to anyone

first of all i would like to know who is viewing this from London. would be nice if u can introduce yourself thanks.

I am here to speak.

I just wanna share.

If you cant take me as who i am originally, i'm not goin to be who u think i should be in eye of the public's standard of sweet darling.

"I rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not"
" the sound of our tireless voice is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinion"

i am willing to sing with my heart and soul, are u willing to listen with your heart and soul?

numerical cursing... give me a break

Profanity are harsh words. thus numerical cursing seems more suitable as i try hard to keep my patient


a rough couple of weeks or so. first of all i don need anyone to understand whats up, i don expect anyone to solve it or give sympthy because nobody can and nobody could. the prob am facing now might not be as huge as global warming or all other political issue, but its important to me myself. probs in campus and outside campus, and i don need ANY more. there IS a limit to how many one can face at a time. after all we are only human. or some might be a super human i don't know or care.

dude up stairs, i hope you would give me a break somewhere.as Your teaching goes, You close the door but open a window. but there is no window opening, more like more window are closing.a break: where things go right, even if just 1 thing.

and if Anyone, anyone at all, wanted to add anything, just go ahead, add to the misery. as i don't know how long could i be going anymore, so go ahead, make my day. as all those prayers arent been answered anyways, instead, it going the opposite way. so go on.. do anything as long as any of you are happy. coz i don feel like giving a 1324 about anything anymore.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

take 1 if sick
take 2 if cant sleep
take 3 if your heart beats as fast as an F1 car
take more than 8 if life screw u up too much

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

while driving back on monday morning i was asked " have u listen to this song?"

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
the next quetion i was asked " don cut the car like that!" "do you realise now u running at 140?"
the lesson here is, don drive when your mind is else where or listen to the song that hit u right at the spot. its almost equal as drunk driving.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

low low low low

on my pervious post, "good things come to an end" i've said, how lucky i am during that past few days and how happy i was but am sure the bad things is around the corner, well, as funny as it sound, it does happen. past few days have been a disaster.

so much things happened. or too much. try having just to be able to sleep from 6am to just 9am. and then not having any apetite to eat. sigh.. this is the 2nd time it ever happen to me. altough the stress realease pills works for a fw hours, thank godness it stop the heart that cant stop beating like a bullet train.

no matter what my trouble is, i cant show it to my family. not because i have high ego but i just don't want them to worry. lots says, " don think nonsense, chill, finals is coming". though i try to hide it, i know my mom knows something is bugging me, she asked me to stay home instead of helping out with the shifting of the house. but i cant stay home, i cant even look at the notes.no mater how i tried to convince myself to not anything bug me from studies, but this time, its too much to handle.

"you changes a lot since BB days, more matured?" thats what Pei Ling said, a girl that knows me since form 1, the last time i met her, which is months ago. i took that as a compliment as she is known to be burtally honest.but, the past events that happening for the past day, shows that am still not there yet. maybe there are lots of miscomunication, but the damage is already done. time travel is something i wish for, but the reality is, it don exist.

the invite of goin on a 4 seater plane ride, should bring joy for me, as i might even be able to handle the plane for like 10 seconds will be great. but sigh..why am i like a ship that is lost n sinking ship at the middle of the great sea?