Saturday, May 17, 2008
yesterday i heard a convo about a housemate which is NOT mine, accidentally threw away a shoe of another housemate of that unit. although the victim din say anything but the victim vent to the other housemate, stating her disatisfaction. some might say the vicitm is a hypocryte as the victim don't want to confront the thrower but in the end the conclusion is, everyone agree that the victim just would be in a difficult situation if the victim would confront the thrower, and in the end will create a bad atmosphere in the house.
but when me, don confront a problem, i was called a coward.cant i be like the victim above? just don't want to create a lot of probs?
yin told me before once " it sucks to be misunderstood!" well, there are lots of misconception about me, lots of name being thrown around, i was called inmmature,troublemaker,love to find fault,not realistic,player to name a few.
if i would confront all those person and then wats next? huge argument that wont end for years and years to come?i choose my silent, although i know some is flaming me (note that this don't apply in MMU) if i would fight back, and attack fire with fire, wont i be as shallow as them?
yes i know i have a lots of dreams, and some might say, i am not a realist.heck if u want me to be realistic,i can be as realistic as Malaysian Politics, where its obvious there are lots of shadows around. i once told a friend who is studying in sunway now, that i gonna go visit my gf at UK, as i was asking him if he have any contact for job, he laugh his butt off and tell me to dream on. i just smile back at him and say nothing. but my fren guess what? your job? pfft.... i kept my card close to my chest and to be frank, i would afford a trip at this particular second. although its not buisness class, but its decent enough to get a SIA or MAS ticket. as for me keep on wanting to fly and complaining how tough and suck engineering is,some might say "shut up and stop complaining lah" but hey, well see after graduation k? living without dream make its so empty, as the equation: work- dream = job!
i once asked my mom, why if old person like u get mad and start shouting it is call "stress" and young people like me do it, you old people will call it immature?fine i might not be THAT mature, but hey, dont everyone my age is goin thru transition period? plus dont we need to compare an apple with apple? i mean, u cant compare my maturity with someone who is older rite? no wonder girls like older man, sigh...
a short story cut short, back in Form 2, i got most of the girl in the form to stop talking to me.because they think i played with an innocent and likeable girl's heart.i kept my silent, with so much of cold shoulder i face everyday, i just kept on doing my stuff. am lucky to have a group of friends that will back and be with me no matter wat. do they know the reason behind of the break up?or do they ever put themself in my shoes?the misunderstood goes on for years, but finally, they stop giving me the cold shoulder, although one or two still have the grudge in them.
i was told " i tot u hated me!" in the end i don talk to her for years.but the truth is, i never hated her, i just feel bad thats why i kept avoiding her.see what a waste after all the years.
when am not attach, my sister's fren always asked when we go makan at Mcd, " julian mana gf?"
and chris asked before "so which one actually your gf now la?" well, i did asked my sister's fren why she ask me that, she said coz am always around gf so its impossible someone like me to be single. even though, there are lots around, i only have my heart with ONE and only ONE girl.it don make me a player,because, i don flirt with them or have ANYTHING to do with them other than being frens. for the record, i only have 2 gf.1 ex and one current one.
when am nice, people say am biased, when i wrote a poem on my dream to be a pilot, people got misunuderstood as a love poem, when i try to show that i care, people say its too much, when i write a blog post like this, people say i want sympthy and trying to the pity party,when i mention my disatisfaction, people say i love to find trouble,when i share my dream, people say am being unrealistic,when i dress up nicely, people say am loaded.
people say this and people say that.sometimes it hurts when the comment come from someone that close to your heart, and sometimes make u angry when people want to flame you because of a reason that its not appropriate to mention here.( again this don apply in MMU)
1,2,3,4,5 years, it that enough for one to understand and don have a misconcept?no matter what, whats important is, i know myself right?