If You Don't do it, You Don't Really Believe it. Some people spend their whole time searching for what's right, but they can't seem to find any time to practice it. Your life story is not written with a pen, but with your actions. To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

Friday, May 27, 2011

so whats the decision?

As the dawn sets, is time to move on. Although it is hard to say goodbye. Saying goodbye for something, and people that are around you for so long. Rather it is bad or good times. 5 years together is really something. I personally doesn't want the day to come, but like all things in life, there will be a time to say goodbye. When the actual day come, photos around campus provides hard memories, of where we were, although the longest lasting memories will be stored deep inside the heart.

So as we move on, each to own path... some already found job months ago, as we all want to be at the top, there are no electronics company around other than the blue company. So I can't really believe it that I completed my studies in engineering ( hopefully the finals goes well), joining it with such reluctant. I did struggle, and end up losing my sight to my ultimate goal.

Lots that expected me to join and take over in Penang, but I feel it is not the time yet. Although I don't rule out the possibilities. There are lots of jobs that I have applied, at many various places around Malaysia. Not much replied as I did not meet their requirement.

The past week is quite tough for me personally. Deciding where to work, need to balance the payment, the family, friends, girlfriend, and the job scope all play a role in my decision. But as a fresh graduate, I know I can't be so picky.

I received a phone call that night when I was on my way to the airport, asking me to go to SJMC (Subang Jaya Medical Center), mom situation getting worst from that morning. I can't panic and ruin it for everyone. When I reach cyberjaya to pack, the situation at the hospital was stable. So I decided to go the next day as visiting hours have already long passed. The first thing in the morning I left E-1-B for the very last time, but there is not much time for a mix feeling as my focus is just to go to the hospital as soon as possible.

 I was invited to interview in Melaka, a semiconductor company quite well known to the local there. They turn me down citing I can't convince them I would stay there for a long haul. I personally don't like to accept any sort of rejection. But the capital H-I-M have bigger plans for me I think, as at the same time I was having a family emergency. Despite all that I still attend the interview, if that does not satisfied them, then be it.

The emergency, really shifted my attention to the family. I know I was away and wanting to spend time with friends, but the transition is so fast. I take it as a sign that I have to be here, in KL. The failure in Melaka further enhance the argument that I have to be here to look out for them.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


It is all over. The final exam marks the real final exam. not just for the semester, not just the academic year, but final for good, provided I passed the paper. As the curtain come down, and the clock is ticking when I wrote my last answer, the song ' am coming home, am coming home, tell the world am coming home' plays on my head. You know when you watch a drama, when a person about to leave, his/her whole life flashed back in an instant? All the memories I had here flashed back to me as I put down my pen, and waited for the examiner to collect my answer docket. 

E-1-B have a lots of good and bad memories. At first, I wasn't suppose to be staying here at the first place as I was promised a room somewhere else until the tenant changed their mind. Although there are some bad period in the house, most of the period after those bad influence are removed went smoothly. My housemates, I wish you all well, and I know all of them will do well once they leave. As some will fly to Korea, some are working for the some of the top companies around. I am glad to have these housemates, although some that I did not spend much time with. But come FYP season, we have people to consult to for programming problem, and we converted our living hall into a real life lab, where soldering, chemical etching and etc can all be done. So regardless you are doing software or hardware, there are ppl you can consult to. We had our farewell few weeks ago at 'Tasty Pot'. I really do hope one day we can meet up again at this place we call home for the past 4 years.

As for MMU, well I guess I experience almost all of it. Thinking of how much fun I going to have, bbq-ing and doing all that activities at the inital place I suppose to stay, makes me dropped the question during the exams during my cadet interview, at my Alpha year. All because I don't wanna missed out on all the good time that I potentially have over in Cyber.Do I regret it? sometimes yes, especially when am lost doing engineering.but the memories do compensate it a little bit.

For exams in MMU, I seat for all of it. The supp, the repeat, the full mark for coursework and still fail due to brain black out, the perfect score for coursework, synthesizing something for the first time in the uni, the collaboration with industry, the overseas trip representing the university.. yes the ups and down, all but one - the dean's list. Work hard, I have. Yet I still not sure why I still can't score.  I guess this is the challenge, for me to pick myself up from failure. Things goes really smoothly throughout high school and primary, just this 5 year had been challenging, academically.

As for frens, after leaving its like pressing the 'restart' button from 5 years ago, where now everyone goes back to their hometown again. but this time, we know each other. Thus going to other states, now we have friends to call. Although things will change for obvious reason, the person you see everyday might not be around, or the person you sleep in the same room, that first person that you saw when you get up, might not be there anymore, or the person you always have meal with, the next time you will probably eat your lunch alone, or with new and unfamiliar faces. Thats the reality. As my time comes to an end here, I do not wish it to end, as there are not enough time spend with each and every individual. But then again thats fact and reality that I have to face. Leaving with a heavy heart..

Sunday, May 8, 2011

happy mother's day

went to this little girl birthday last weekend, she turn 2. she is the daughter of my cousin. the first among my cousin to have kids. There are few kids playing around, watching the cartoon on the tv. I think to myself I never have any sort of party for my birthday when I was at her age, not even a simple one, although we do celebrate among family members. Went to the happiest place for kids in Malaysia - Toys R Us. Got her a set of masak-masak toys and the toys today are so much different from my time. She fed me with panda cookies, and that worth every single cent of the gift. A sweet gesture, as she are quite the shy type. Days before, I received an SMS from my sister saying the girl got beaten by her nanny, till there are marks at the backside. In case anyone wondering, the nanny was a chinese from Cheras

And today is Mother's day. My first time having korean at Doraen if I spell it correctly. Personally I feel that my mom is a lucky lady. She have all her 3 children celebrating with her, and hopefully if I pass the paper on friday, her long time wish to have all her 3 children to graduate from university will come true, as she is not that lucky during her time, not being able to further her study. But there I will always remember 2 person when it comes to Mother's day. The other person, my nanny. As both of my parents are working to put meal on the table, this nanny look out for me when I was young. She operates the canteen at the railway station when we were at Kuala Krai, Kelantan. She is quite a successful entrepreneur in a own right. Those mak cik that need a loan would go to her to pawn their jeweleries. She trusted me, she guide me using her nice china when she cook. My parents are worries that I might break her nice set of china. But she reassure them that its alright. Even though my memories during the time she was my nanny are now a bit hazy, but like the malay saying... " jasamu tetap dikenang". Sadly for her, her children are a bit naughty.  A few years back when I stop by to visit her during Chinese New Year, its sad to see she is not working for others, washing plates, fried banana. Due to the children, she as a parents suffers. Sometimes the world is not fair, how much she put in to take care of others children ( me) and yet why can't she get a good karma, live a good and simple life especially at such an old age?

She then moved to Segamat her kampung with her husband. Its sad that I can't visit her during my trip back on Chinese New Year. I wish I can share or chip in financially, but all I can do now is to sent her sms, during days like today to wish her Happy Mother's day. During dinner she sms me her address asking me and my family to visit.Its a mix emotion. I feel sad that what have happen to her, and yet happy to know that she still remember me. but the word is terharu, touched.

A happy mother's day to my mom and also my mom. both have brought me up to who I am today. Thank you