my dreams or what i wanted is
- make a change in the world, even playing small part like not taking the plastic bag if i don need it, wen i purchased stuff. or better still to be a UN goodwill ambassadoor
- to hav a smile on my face and also put the smile on others
- to fly the plane, and earn the money so i can provide to my family, and also at the same time look at the world. and hav enough to hire il divo to sing"mama" for my mom for mother's day.
- for the min time, i wan some result from all my striving
- to have things goes my way once in a while
- to have something to look forward to day by day instead of wishing the day to end asap
- to get my parents tickets to celine dion concert
- to see my sibings do well for their carrer and everything they do.
- to have a lil bit of control on things
- no more conflicts around, loved one, frens.
well i guess You showed me, that You are not to be mess with. its a harsh lesson,from my mistake.its true what they say that You can take what You wan and at the same time give what You wan. but You know how i felt. why must i be pushed in such a tight corner?i just wan take things off my mind, and mayb thats the wrong road, still, You should know how frustrated i was. You know i work hard, You know all i do, all that 10 things that i wanted, can i hav ANY of those? mayb am not gretful to Your blessing,as i complain lots.but how much more You wan to push me? after all my just a human. don the lesson being teached and the punishment You put on me is enough? i mean, i even apologise for something i don think am at fault.how low You wan me to go?all my pride i pushed aside, as low as the beggar at the street.a human, can take THAT much of pushing before breaking to million of pieces.am not that strong, or mayb this is Your way to train me? please find other way if it so.heartache is not somethin that i would like to deal now.
am beggin You, enough with the changes, at least for the min time.i dono how i can digest anymore.i don set fire, i don steal, i don rape, i don do all those unhealthy activies like clubbin and drinking. mayb am on the horny side, but You, You create me as a guy. mayb am on the naughty side that like to disturb my frens, but that just harmless prank, although some might be sensitive, or mayb i might annoy them, but i don mean harm to anyone. mayb if it makes things better, i would like to apologise to, all that i've hurt, including post in the blogs, that might offend anyone, especially the kah kean, chu pa kai pic, and for the girl at london, that i said how cheap u are to hooked up with the guys over there, and left ur bf. i mean its u r life, who am i to say anything or to judge.and if anyone else that i forgotten, am really sorry.and i really sorry if i offend You wen i take the joss stick, to pray my grandpa, as i just wan to be a good grandson, and carry out my responsibility.
all i wan and need badly now is a break, a change of wind,to my way for a tiny bit.You already took lots my dream away,and am not in the place that i want to be, and yet i strive, day by day, in and out of the class. what else? i still have my faith that You, have the power to turn things round for me, but after 1 by 1 major disappointment,how much a human can take? mayb its Your way to test my faith. i dono, lots of question i wan answers.all i can do now is, pray to You, to forgive me on whatever i did, and start a rain of blessing, or at least some OK days for me if its not a great days. amen