election?

i got a phone call from my fren at primary. she is studyinh in nott malaysia and i havent talk 2 her since forever?

me: hi
her: hi,julian jermaine here.which part of bangsar do u stay?
me:bangsar park?
her: you free tmw nite? coz my parents having this dinner for people living in bangsar.
me: em, ok
her: come la come la bring ur family and frens to fill in the table, coz my parents already paid, so might as well fill in the table rite?so coming?
me: c la..
her: no c la, say yes.if u come, tell me by 3 tmw k?


** i got a sneaky feeeling its something gotta do with election coming..

mr positive- fall to fly

kawaii neh?

monday test was BAD.. it was a schocker to know that i prefer the subjective part instead objective. suprising huh? well, there are the fact that there are no sources to "check" with. but with that aside. yesterday was a bit not so productive day, i feel really tired and VERY VERY cold.but thinking of monday, there lots of noise says "Julian Gan, you better not give up now ar!". its like last time when mom used to nag " study study study" guess its true what pei ling said, " when they nag, we hate it, when they don, we slack" thus, lets start today as a productive day shall we?


and one intersting quote from aunty cav "changes start from and in YOU!!"

so thanks for everyone that spend their time and open their ears and give their advice when i was not really myself.other than that, Thank God too, i hope i am on the road to recovery after hitting one of the lowest point of my life, i hope i already FALL and now time to FLY!!!!!

tong hua- fairytales

i remember two girls sang this song one night at MV. we all went dinner as one of our friend going off to NS. tong hua- fairytales.... i asked one of them if that can b my bed time song. and am sure i will b sleeping with a huge smile on my face with that sweet voice. wonder if i can ever hear it again?

...

i try to smile and yet.............the lines on my forehead shows...

they say you'll hurt the one that love u most...

a mate says " i often regret my speech but never my silence"

chin says " rick price's heaven knows-if you really love her, set her free,if she return in kind, i know she's mine, n don fight"




maybe my love will come back someday... only heaven knows

fly away..

i love u.. too much to make u stay, baby fly away......

prodigal son

hey you... come back

Hk's star apologies

as the asia world was rocked by the sex pictures, this is the person who took those pics. and as he sent his laptop for service,the pic was stolen.

i think its a brave move for him to come back to hong kong to apologise when he can just hide in America.is it his fault? i think such things are personal stuff. and its obvious those girls are aware of him taken those pics. i might not b a fan of him, but den again, it takes a man to come up an apologise and putting all those so called man's ego, infinite chances?

Matthew 17:20

"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you"

smile

Smile,

though your heart is aching

Smile,

even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

With your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile,

what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

family day

last week i misssed out on the family day. this year's family day is at the newly purchased freight village.a chance for everyone to know the new investment and a chance for everyone from the head to the lorry drivers to tighten the bond, and create a family kinda bond so everyone would happily cooperate next time. from singapore's office, indonesia, and also thailand, not to mention from various part of malaysia too, like johor, penang,padang besar came down to klang last weekend for the family day. one day i shall take over everything and cash it in to the highest bidder.muahahahahaha-evil laugh.....ok stop dreaming.. off to the pics

opening speech

new godown

since its all cny

uncle teoh

children's playroom-FINALLY they are more sensitive

happy la?

give up la, May won't fall for u

rusa

everyone wins, even the lorry drivers

fireworks to end the night

i sigh..

grow up lah...- i tell myself when i take out my anger on others


look here n focus lah,exam is near - says meisiem wen teaching me math and m daydreaming


when u answer, must have some confidence- says Mr.Phua, wen asking question for evaluation in lab yesterday


don look at my solution, wen u do urself only can have confidence in exam- says meiseim when teachin math

oi, your blog damn emo wei.. -vi ling when first come to the site yesterday


after a puff or two, you'll get damn high - says ray,wen he try explain the feeling of smoking


there is no point in rebeling- says ranpreet wen giving her lecture


get some rest or else it b worst - says my head when my body is heating with fever now

happy chap Go meh?

so today mark the end of the chinese lunar new year.been a busy week so far, and although tomorrow is friday, normally i would really anticipate, but sadly i got a lab early in the morning, and the eam nest tuesday coming, means i wont b able to b back to good ole bangsar this week.being busy hav the good part to it, because you will b so busy and at the end of the day, you just fall asleep wen u touch the bed, and the next thing u know, its a brand new day. i would love to make the time fly, REALLY. 3 months seems like eternity.keeping myself busy maybe just a way for me to escape from it all.suddenly a japanese theme song playing on my head and with those beautiful cherry blossom and the great hokaido moutain seems very ideal place right now, instead of a birthday invitation which says " come watch me drunk", which kinda dumb for me personally, but others might think its fun..oh well, daijobu.. happy chap go meh..

to my guju fren

i was grope by u..




goodbye to you my guju fren,
we know each other since we were 9 or 10,
togather we learn at skbp,
learned of love and ABC,
skinned out heart and skinned our knees,
goodbye my fren its hard to leave,
when all your fren is here in KL,
now spring is in aussie,
pretty girls are everywhere,
think of u,
den you'll be there..

we had joy we had fun,
we had season in malaysia sun,
but the bola and the ball,
like the season had all gone..

clensing

as i NOW know, my blog have more coverage than i tot. there are lots of unknown reader that i never tot they would read this blog. so i guess its time to clean something up.and it is my name.

not too long ago, m sure lots have heard lots of stories on how i broke up.there lots and lots of version of the story, even if you google for my name now, you can find one version of the story. as i don really give a crap what others might think, but i do give a crap what my FRENS do think, as in real fren. the best answer i got from a fren is from dena when she actually asked, and i wont ever forget what she said, " you are my fren, what ever you say, i will belive it, as you are my fren", heck that show that she got my back covered, a hallmark of a true fren. but den again, she is the only fren that ask. others? sad to say, they jump into conclusion.

i know i don jump into defence, or actually come out and explain what really happen.the move that i tot was bold, which is if all they are my fren for sure they wont belive those stories, but it got back fired. i know its easy to misunderstand. as the typical mind set, that woman is the weaker one and normally the guys is the bad person wen a relationship is over, thus out of pity, the girl surely won the vote. and at the same time, i was catching up with my old fren back den and now my current sweetheart,ashley.

well the fact that i ended it the relationship is true. but a big big BUT, did anyone know what actually happen behind the curtain? that anyone, ANYONE at ALL try to put themself in my blardi shoe?! try imagine this, you keep on compromise and give in and be patient with everything, and even wen u try to voice out ur own opinion, you'll end up getting yelled at. its true what cav said " try compromise as much as u can,but den agian, if u compromise too much the feeling will fade". compromising is a good thing, but its bad wen you cant never ever get thing your way, things always goes one way street not 2 ways. heck am not being selfish, but don everyone wan things their way?mayb not all the time, but how about sometime? and your opinion or feelings don really matter to them at ALL. to put the icing on the cake, i only found out that there is another guy, as i quote from her blog "regret i don dump him for another guy at that time", so if i don end the relationship, there is for sure a fling happening right behind my back.

so does anyone ever think bout how does it gonna effect me next time? will i b able to have faith or trust again? instead everyone just jump on the bandwagon and play the blame game.i might not have the most open mind, but wen its my fault, i rise my hand and admit it,but i was wrong, wrong to put a smile on my face no matter what had happened behind the curtains.

happy b'day mumsie

yesterday you watched your 2 son left,

leave the nest,

leave into their own life outside the nest,

another year have gone by,

just like a blink of an eye,

its been a while since i hugged u,

and i cant remember when i told u i love u,

and i never say am sorry for anything,

though i feel bad inside,

so i am sorry for all the wrongs i did,

and i love u,

happy b'day

cny eve..08

well, since chinese new yaer is coming to and end in a few days.. and i havent really post anythin yet, well this is my eve's dinner.some kinda of an photo essay..

on the way to dinner

dinner hall

dad's side

thats coke, m not teaching her alcohol

20-30 kg dumbell


wonder how kids learnt the word "gay"

feeling the love?

crazy eye michelle

cant get enuf of me can u?


some random kid wants to tag along

the end....

神崎恭一, Kanzaki Kyōichi

to take my mind away... i voluntered myself for the japanese week.maybe trying to keep myself busy could help me escape or fill in some empty crack somewhere. so this week, or till tomorrow am known as kyoichi kanzaki.

with maslindawith carmen

"No one can stop time, but when you take a snapshot with your heart, no one can ever take it away." - Kanzaki

blame it on me

whats up lately?things are still somehow the same, m still goin some tough time, sometimes i would like to skinned someone and bathe them with alcohol to they will suffer a slow death.

sometimes we are not suppose to fix a perfectly working machine, or if thats the winning formula, why change anything rite? at times i feel like my sanity is hang by a thread

i remembered, one used to said, " before you point one finger to me, you are pointing 4 more back at u!" thus, no matter how angry i am or i think something is wrong,........hey like you people who goes to club, am sure u heard of akon's "sorry blame it on me"..

another day..

dr azahari: so u r back? its back again isn't it?
the boi : hi doc, overseas trip again? new zealand?
dr a: yes, so wen it started?
boi : end of jan?
dr a: u don start smoking rite? or go to smoky place like club?
boi : nope...

after various checks

dr a: at this stage, think u better just live ur life, u r still young, go have as much fun as u can. sometimes phychological factor can play a big role.don over work ur engine.have some deep sleep, that will help ur mind to rest, and at same time ur engin too.u wan me to precribe something to hepl u? .but if it comes to the center, you better rush here.

boi: no thanks, m no heath ledger.

dr a: hahahaha, its good that u can still joke, as some of my patient would already get paranoid and restless..

boi: c u

friday nite...

got invitation to 2 party. one was to vi ling's and another to stefan's. but then again wasnt in the mood to go either one. like it been happening the whole week, just not myself. but den again, since amar drove all the way from seremban, but since he arrived at 1030, the party at stefan seems to calmed down. we decide to go to pelita for mamak instead.


its nice to have a friend, that makes u go... "thats exactly how i feel!" or "exactly!" although we are far apart, i guess what makes us good fren, we can go talk for hours and have a same way of thinking

sorry mama

"you better eat this lunch or else you gonna get gastric."

why i still making her worry?

silent-ness

why am up so early? alll i can hear is the fan from the computer and the keyboard as i amtrying to find the correct words.

phone have been quiet lately. the "message, messege" tone goes off, only when when hotlink have some promotion and not the one that anticipate.

i keep telling myself, "grow up, grow up" as i am tryin to steady my ship...

inspirasiku kembali..

" i been fasinated by piloting since i was form 4, my parents asked me to give a go, too bad my physics not good" - aunty cav.


i been thinking, how lucky some can get with having parents supporting them, even if ( not being sexist) the job is a male dominated job, some parents still give support to their child to follow the thing they like as long as it is not illegal.

"memang macam cerita tu, aku layan jer" - Jazman







even tho this clip is just from a movie, but den again, once a REAL cadet told me, his trainning just like the show. no i don wan b pilot because of the movie, i wanna be pilot so i could see this HUGE world.and to narrowed the gap of those who are FAR apart, those who are world's apart. and maybe i can help deliver food or medical support to those rural area someday.

no i am not forgetting bout LAOTSE Programme at Munich.i do hope i will get my chance and most important of all my parents blessing to go there. heck, i wan everyone's blessing, especially those who i hold very dear to my heart.

but not to get carried away, i know i got a moutain to climb, the odd are stacking day by day.but i hope to try my best to overcome it.

valentine

my funny valentine.....


heard the song before?

so its valentine today? whats exactly the true meaning of valentine? is it a special day for 2 people are very fond and special to each other to celebrate? or it just another commercial and marketing stretergy? i mean why be all nice and romantic only on valentine? why don we all be all that on every given day? but then again, its like ur birthday, only 1 special day just for u, so i guess valentine especially dedicated to those couple.

well, the atmosphere around campus today, and yes, like any other place for valentine, lots of sale of gift, like bear and roses, and bouquet of flowers.some even bring their bouquet of flowers all around campus even to classes, is either they cant find a aplce to put it, or they just wanna show to everyone that they have one, but oh well, who am i to judge rite?

don v all remember our first valentine ? the first card ? flowers? gift?

well, one funny story i would like to share, it was wen i was in primary, yes am sure all of us have our OWN crush, so am no different to this. but den again, every guy in the school is interested in her.my itchy send her wish her happy valentine on9, as yes i know i said it a million times and none of the time anyone belive me, i AM a SHY boy!!

she return it in a good gesture, with an e-card... it says

i love u....

(and my heart beats as fast as the train)

as a fren...

i was like what in the hell !! maybe she just being nice just to let me down easily. but oh well, that cant be count as an actual valentine greeting rite?

and den came high school where, for the first time ever i or any of my fren experience it. the care club offering some valentine gift. basically u just buy something from the club and they sent it to that person. and all my frens would like to give, gifts to the assist head prefect. another boy hood crush to older girl i suppose.though personally i don really thing she is THAT great, because she is my sibling's fren. and of course as we all grow older, we play some prank. sending to girls using our fren's name just to play cupid. how innocent and naive those time are.. for a good laugh, we totally forget to put others feeling into the equation.but den again, those who studied in the same school, knows me and my frens love to play prank or disturb others.good ole days....

so last year was the real valentine i had. heck it was as sweet as honey. due to the condition that i was in Melaka, we celebrate it the weekend before valentine.even though it just for an hour or two, i won't be asking for it in any other way. happy valentine ash.. and good days to all the couple out there.

another day.. same old

today is still the same, am not my self.i dono what been bugging me. its like a block of wood, stopping the water to flow.face things to my self is hard.where's the shoulder that would share the load with me?

valentine day is coming, there are lots of decoration and sale of flower and gift around campus, and of course, online, there are plenty of restaurant offered some delicious dinner. lots have asked " so tomorrow valentine alone, how?" there is no how to it,it might not be great as last year, but den again, i shall not complain due to the situation. lots of others have their own plan, some even skipping the whole day lecture tomorrow.i think even my electronics lecture, that have some sort of mirror image of my ex roommate, have some plan due to his cancelation of class.but that just my guessing.

hopefully the moon will shine brightly tomorrow as am still waiting for the "sun" in me to rise up again..

a tribute to you..

some might only see me like, hey thats the dude from bangsar, he probably live in some posh life, and go clubs, or whatever. but hey, does anybody know where i am from, of course most might know my home town in kelantan, no i don grow up in UAE, or some part of Europe, or even anywhere near some busy like KL. i was born in a lil town called Kuala Krai, Kelantan, yes there are cows and goat around, and its kinda like a kampung, aku budak kampung!

no am not shy of it, and yet proud of it, its where i am from.

you probably won't know what i wrote about you, as much i would like to tell you how i appreciate all you have done to me, i cant find the words to describe how gretful i am. yes you. my nanny, Mak Yah.

you work really hard when u are young,

you take care of me when i was small,

your house that i go to wen my parents are working,

your rice that fed me and make me grow,

its on your canteen counter that i sat on every morning,

its your P.Ramlee records that bring musics in my ear,

its you that shows me the traditional malay kuih's beauty,

its at ur hall that i slept in the evening,

its u that i hug whenever i merajuk,

its you that tought me to speak proper bahasa,

its you that dodoi (sing me to sleep) me,

after years.......

you still remember me,

it hurts when i get the news,

u living me a not so comfortable life,

it makes me angry,

why that its not fair,

you treat me with ur kind and sincere heart, full of love,

and yet...

why must those rascal spoilt it for u?

you are old, you need your rest,

and not work no more,

rest and enjoy ur life,

not work, NEVER work,

you work too much already,

you will always in my heart,

and i love u...

thank you so very much for everything.....

long long day...

today is such a very very very long day. it seems like forever for the class to end. maybe m lacking of deep sleep, or just the fact that i still wanna sleep and the class started early.

anyways,i find it very hard to pay attention this semester.from the holiday, to the new sem to the chinese new year break. my mind seem drifting away. i feel like walking away from everything sometimes. the tot of quitting FOE ( faculty of engineering) too crossed my mind.things are getting harder and harder, and am stacking up the odds on my own self. if i walk away from everything i would disappoint lots of people, especially that are close to my heart. heck i hate to get disappointed myself, so i don wanna give others the disappointment.a promise is a promise,i promise to give it a try, and i will try my hardest to keep that.it is very frustrating as no matter how hard or how much i gave my all, it just don work my way. but am in TOO deep just to walk away.

i would like to thank, meisiem n also kelvin who have all the patience to help me with some math prob. teaching a slow person like me does take lots of patience.


almost every night b4 i sleep, i ask God, " Dear Lord, what did i did wrong today?" last time one of my house mate at melaka told me, why he became an enginner because he wanted to build a time machine, how i wish i can have that now....

lil dark book of death

things have been bad for me lately. once i had a confidence to conquer everything that goes my way, and now, everything seems crumbling. just one night thing change. i feel like crap. i mean, try cant sleep like heath ledger, for almost 24 hrs and ur mind ticking like a time bomb, when u r restless and u go crazy like britney, goin on a rampage. and try have no apetite to eat that ur feel so weak that all u can do is just sleep.

my crisis, my lil dark book of death:

what did i do?:

what did i do wrong?

it is wrong to be concern?

is it wrong to express how i felt?

it is wrong that i don drink?

it is wrong to be sad when words r not kept?

and the " i promise i wont" turns in to " its my choice"

it it cause of karma?

is it what i did before causing unintenionally heartache to others?

and now God just wan make me pay?

no matter how much i beg,

most will in up in me getting beating

*the more u go, the more u pushing me away.....