new chapter

They say  "we don't appreciate things till its gone" I find it very true. However the great irony is that when we have it, let it be a person or an experience, we wish that we don't have it until its gone. Confuse? It's like how when we are in school and we wish we are at home instead, but when school ends, we wish to be in school.

Well it is not that us being ungretful with what we have, it is just natural for us as human to think that the grass is greener on the other side, but that is not always the case. I went back to my alma mater today to regrade my paper. I know I have a lot of room for improvement for all the subjects, no matter how much effort I put in, it is still not the right recipe, but not for this particular subject, FYP. I put in a lot of my time, money and effort into this subject and I really hope to the regrading goes my way.

As I hope not to jinx it, today as I did not receive any phone call, I guess that indicates I have a clean bill of health and suppose to start my job on Friday. It is a transition phase for me and also for everyone else I would say. Most of my frens ( non MMU ) are surprised on how early I scout for my job, I do wish to have a longer break, but time wait for no man. I know I don't have such luxury to chill and wait my allowance to enter each month.

Although I think I get the job early, I also think that things around me or my fellow peers have moved lightyears ahead of me. I always admire 2 of my friends, they are the earliest of my frens that worked. One in Earnst & Young, another running his own company from his joint venture. What I admire most is their drive for work. Another thing that I felt move swiftly is marriage. Checking update on Fb, there are some already married and some are one the way. Even my good friend is getting marry a day after my convocation! Regardless the trend or some would say they would prefer to marry in their late 20's I guess when the question come, it just come.

So many things, all so fast. My dream is to fly a plane, although watching Aircrash investigation shaken me a bit, other than that to go to rural area and do some voluntarily job, as I feel donating do help but hands on would be more meaningful. I really would try to avoid to be a money-minded person, yes money is important however, there are lots of things in life than money. When you stop chasing for money, money will come.

How will my first day be? The unknown is a scary place!  

MH- Malaysia Hospitality

When you took on a plane, to go anywhere from which ever airline, do you notice that each airlines have it's own tag. For example Air Asia (Malaysia) uses AK**** follows by the flight number. Emirates uses EK**** and Malaysia Airlines uses MH****, this MH is stands for Malaysia Hospitality.

So it marks the end of my eurotrip, I knew once I have landed on Kuala Lumpur International Airport tarmac, it is the brink of a new chapter in my life - working life. It is always on my mind to go on a eurotrip, to visit friends, as I might not be lucky enough to further my education abroad, it is nice of them to welcome me to the UK. The last time I went to europe, I was playing Daughtry's  Home, and the capt says something on the announcement, " We have landed in Kuala Lumpur International Airport, on behalf of the cabin crew I would like to welcome you to Malaysia, and for the Malaysian, Welcome home" 

I remember it, because it is significant. This time, as I visited a few places and meet a few faces, I believe that well home (Malaysia)  is always the place I feel comfortable with. As I speak to a few people, they got nothing but praise towards Malaysia, some have been here for a few time, some even says that " I am not lucky enough to visit there yet" Makes me wonder sometimes, why we Malaysian are the one that bashing our country while others have nothing but praise. 

With Ezman exactly where Vidic and Rio Ferdinand seats

Ms.Chew at Leicester Square, London

Dinner before Pei Ling went back to Nottingham

When friends do things like opening their door for you for accommodation and provide hospitality, coming all the way from other state to meet up with you, and some took time off from boy friend just to take you round town. I would say I am lucky to have these friends.  Thank you very much.

so whats the decision?

As the dawn sets, is time to move on. Although it is hard to say goodbye. Saying goodbye for something, and people that are around you for so long. Rather it is bad or good times. 5 years together is really something. I personally doesn't want the day to come, but like all things in life, there will be a time to say goodbye. When the actual day come, photos around campus provides hard memories, of where we were, although the longest lasting memories will be stored deep inside the heart.

So as we move on, each to own path... some already found job months ago, as we all want to be at the top, there are no electronics company around other than the blue company. So I can't really believe it that I completed my studies in engineering ( hopefully the finals goes well), joining it with such reluctant. I did struggle, and end up losing my sight to my ultimate goal.

Lots that expected me to join and take over in Penang, but I feel it is not the time yet. Although I don't rule out the possibilities. There are lots of jobs that I have applied, at many various places around Malaysia. Not much replied as I did not meet their requirement.

The past week is quite tough for me personally. Deciding where to work, need to balance the payment, the family, friends, girlfriend, and the job scope all play a role in my decision. But as a fresh graduate, I know I can't be so picky.

I received a phone call that night when I was on my way to the airport, asking me to go to SJMC (Subang Jaya Medical Center), mom situation getting worst from that morning. I can't panic and ruin it for everyone. When I reach cyberjaya to pack, the situation at the hospital was stable. So I decided to go the next day as visiting hours have already long passed. The first thing in the morning I left E-1-B for the very last time, but there is not much time for a mix feeling as my focus is just to go to the hospital as soon as possible.

 I was invited to interview in Melaka, a semiconductor company quite well known to the local there. They turn me down citing I can't convince them I would stay there for a long haul. I personally don't like to accept any sort of rejection. But the capital H-I-M have bigger plans for me I think, as at the same time I was having a family emergency. Despite all that I still attend the interview, if that does not satisfied them, then be it.

The emergency, really shifted my attention to the family. I know I was away and wanting to spend time with friends, but the transition is so fast. I take it as a sign that I have to be here, in KL. The failure in Melaka further enhance the argument that I have to be here to look out for them.

leaving

It is all over. The final exam marks the real final exam. not just for the semester, not just the academic year, but final for good, provided I passed the paper. As the curtain come down, and the clock is ticking when I wrote my last answer, the song ' am coming home, am coming home, tell the world am coming home' plays on my head. You know when you watch a drama, when a person about to leave, his/her whole life flashed back in an instant? All the memories I had here flashed back to me as I put down my pen, and waited for the examiner to collect my answer docket. 

E-1-B have a lots of good and bad memories. At first, I wasn't suppose to be staying here at the first place as I was promised a room somewhere else until the tenant changed their mind. Although there are some bad period in the house, most of the period after those bad influence are removed went smoothly. My housemates, I wish you all well, and I know all of them will do well once they leave. As some will fly to Korea, some are working for the some of the top companies around. I am glad to have these housemates, although some that I did not spend much time with. But come FYP season, we have people to consult to for programming problem, and we converted our living hall into a real life lab, where soldering, chemical etching and etc can all be done. So regardless you are doing software or hardware, there are ppl you can consult to. We had our farewell few weeks ago at 'Tasty Pot'. I really do hope one day we can meet up again at this place we call home for the past 4 years.


As for MMU, well I guess I experience almost all of it. Thinking of how much fun I going to have, bbq-ing and doing all that activities at the inital place I suppose to stay, makes me dropped the question during the exams during my cadet interview, at my Alpha year. All because I don't wanna missed out on all the good time that I potentially have over in Cyber.Do I regret it? sometimes yes, especially when am lost doing engineering.but the memories do compensate it a little bit.

For exams in MMU, I seat for all of it. The supp, the repeat, the full mark for coursework and still fail due to brain black out, the perfect score for coursework, synthesizing something for the first time in the uni, the collaboration with industry, the overseas trip representing the university.. yes the ups and down, all but one - the dean's list. Work hard, I have. Yet I still not sure why I still can't score.  I guess this is the challenge, for me to pick myself up from failure. Things goes really smoothly throughout high school and primary, just this 5 year had been challenging, academically.

As for frens, after leaving its like pressing the 'restart' button from 5 years ago, where now everyone goes back to their hometown again. but this time, we know each other. Thus going to other states, now we have friends to call. Although things will change for obvious reason, the person you see everyday might not be around, or the person you sleep in the same room, that first person that you saw when you get up, might not be there anymore, or the person you always have meal with, the next time you will probably eat your lunch alone, or with new and unfamiliar faces. Thats the reality. As my time comes to an end here, I do not wish it to end, as there are not enough time spend with each and every individual. But then again thats fact and reality that I have to face. Leaving with a heavy heart..

happy mother's day

went to this little girl birthday last weekend, she turn 2. she is the daughter of my cousin. the first among my cousin to have kids. There are few kids playing around, watching the cartoon on the tv. I think to myself I never have any sort of party for my birthday when I was at her age, not even a simple one, although we do celebrate among family members. Went to the happiest place for kids in Malaysia - Toys R Us. Got her a set of masak-masak toys and the toys today are so much different from my time. She fed me with panda cookies, and that worth every single cent of the gift. A sweet gesture, as she are quite the shy type. Days before, I received an SMS from my sister saying the girl got beaten by her nanny, till there are marks at the backside. In case anyone wondering, the nanny was a chinese from Cheras

And today is Mother's day. My first time having korean at Doraen if I spell it correctly. Personally I feel that my mom is a lucky lady. She have all her 3 children celebrating with her, and hopefully if I pass the paper on friday, her long time wish to have all her 3 children to graduate from university will come true, as she is not that lucky during her time, not being able to further her study. But there I will always remember 2 person when it comes to Mother's day. The other person, my nanny. As both of my parents are working to put meal on the table, this nanny look out for me when I was young. She operates the canteen at the railway station when we were at Kuala Krai, Kelantan. She is quite a successful entrepreneur in a own right. Those mak cik that need a loan would go to her to pawn their jeweleries. She trusted me, she guide me using her nice china when she cook. My parents are worries that I might break her nice set of china. But she reassure them that its alright. Even though my memories during the time she was my nanny are now a bit hazy, but like the malay saying... " jasamu tetap dikenang". Sadly for her, her children are a bit naughty.  A few years back when I stop by to visit her during Chinese New Year, its sad to see she is not working for others, washing plates, fried banana. Due to the children, she as a parents suffers. Sometimes the world is not fair, how much she put in to take care of others children ( me) and yet why can't she get a good karma, live a good and simple life especially at such an old age?

She then moved to Segamat her kampung with her husband. Its sad that I can't visit her during my trip back on Chinese New Year. I wish I can share or chip in financially, but all I can do now is to sent her sms, during days like today to wish her Happy Mother's day. During dinner she sms me her address asking me and my family to visit.Its a mix emotion. I feel sad that what have happen to her, and yet happy to know that she still remember me. but the word is terharu, touched.

A happy mother's day to my mom and also my mom. both have brought me up to who I am today. Thank you

Run baby run!

 I never was a runner. At school, I play football, basketball and badminton.Most of my close friends runs well, especially during the school's sport day. Most of them do sprint. I am not sure if its just mental or I cant physically run especially distance running, but sports like badminton, I could play for 10-20 minutes straight? but never running.

So i sign up for the Energizer Night Race, just at the heat of the moment. Its an unique event,held at night and at SIC ( Sepang International Circuit), many people can saw they watch the Formula One from the grandstand, but not many can say they actually touch and go through the entire circuit. I also would just wanna spend some time with my friends. I know most of them practice running for the marathon. Some run at the school track, some at the gym, some at the street around campus. For me, I always think WTF I did sign up for 11km?! always after running the 1km stretch of straight road nearby Cyberia. And the actual race is 11 times more. I always curse myself for making such harsh decision without knowing my ability. Its like buying a shirt without measuring my size. Most of my friends that practice hard always improve on their time, and deep down I know I will be the last during the race.

But, to think of it, such big events, for sure there are a lot more experience runner than myself. So I took my eye from the grand prize, and this race is not about competing for the main draw, or to compete among my friends. Its a race between me and myself. As I watch the Youtube video on the testimony of the runner especially the runner with the artificial leg, I keep on thinking what he said, "Dig Deep"

As I went for Formula One the previous weekend, I notice from the first lap of the marathon that the route is hilly and sometimes flat. So I device a way, where I would only run when its down hill, because running uphill would consume more energy. From the flag off to the 2nd turn, I was already alone. I don't see any familiar faces around. At that moment as I approach the finishing line for the first lap, I really just feel like giving up. My legs are tired, I am thirsty, I never run so far before not even during my practice.

But, somehow I just walk pass the finishing line to start my last lap, I continue walking and put on my I-pod. As SIC is located nearby the airport, I can hear the jet fuel burning as the plane starts to accelerate. A lot goes through my mind then, most are those things that might not go my way, in the past and also currently. Deep down, there are lots of dissatisfaction. There are lots of things I would like to tell a lot of people, most are well not the nicest thing. I could write in my blog or post it on FB but I know, for sure there are people who will tell. I keep inside, brush it off to avoid friction. All these unhappiness I felt, motivates me to push on with my run, as I run my heart out, a sense of relived arise, just like how u shout your heart out when u feel frustrated. As I run and run, I started to walk as I felt tired, I felt someone tapping my on my shoulder, not its not the ghost, its Pei Se, it surprise me that she was behind me, as she always run in the gym. She run ahead as I was too tired to catch up. 

With the free Gatorade, I quench my thirst towards the last lap, I try to dramatize it with splashing it to my face like how you see it on TV. BAD IDEA! it sting my eyes, but not for long lah. As I see the finishing line, again Pei Se  tap me from behind and we finish the race together. As we cross the finishing line, we saw Jansen crossing it too. It really surprise me that I finish together with both of them, as both of them are one of the best runner among my friends.

So not bad lah for my first marathon. Although the organizer was bad. Marathon is a sort of thing that makes you push and push even when you just wanna give up, dig deep and its amazing how life experience let it be bad or good can overcome physical barrier. Mind over matter sort of thing. So its true what the speaker said, " Once you cross the finishing line, its a life changing moment". Can't wait for the medal

Is it worth it?

For the past two semester break, and semester I been spending my time for my Final Year Project. Time pass and I don even feel its like a new semester, as I work continuously throughout the break. Travelling up and down,the time, the cost, the energy. Past few days as I am writing my journal, I asked myself is it worth it? Sometimes working at a threshold of your limits and bang, get shot. Propose an idea, and bang get shot. Rushing at wee hours and submit first thing in the morning, and got shoot down again. It is destroying my morale, but I guess thats the real world ain't it? Results matters the most NOT how much effort you put it.

Sometimes I do envy when I go on Facebook to see few of my uni mates, either be going back hometown or go and unwind on various holiday destination, local and abroad. Most seems relax while I see myself struggling. But I guest this rant because I feel it sucks to get shot down consecutively time and time again. It like how you look at a person from the outside, thats all matters. It's almost 3.30 am. I guess I am just tired.