friends

what are friends? are they just a bunch of people that you know that just beside you when having fun, and be crazy? or are they the one who remember your birthday, have your back when u in trouble, be frank with u in no matter what?

since this blog is for the public viewing, and am not suprise if he or them could read this.coz once i tought they are indispensible, and yet, people sell off their years of friendship for just a girl.once i tought he was like a brother, share everything, have his back, open the door to my house and yet... sigh... and saturday, i will b seating on the same dinner table with him/them. tho it does feel like the knife behind my back have been twisted, and yet again, due to a special request, i will b on my best behaviour. a part of me feel like just showing the finger and yet again, some part remebered what the pastor at the church i went to, " to be a perfect human, you must b able to pray for your enemy too.. pray for your enemy goodwill, good health and succes". though i don go much too church, everytime i go there, i feel like all my troubled have been answer thru the preachin. guess i do kinda pay attention. once a friend who is kinda church goer also did tell me to pray for my enemy and if i cant, ask for forgiveness from God because i cant forgive them.my mom too once told me to give everyone a benefit of a doubt.

so am twsited into 2. to b full of raging anger, which i hav to say is still inside. because all this thing, is hard to let go. mayb i need some wisdom, or advise, or just seat there with every fork i hold i wanna stab into some people chest, or disgust myself with fake smiles and laughter, or follow the way of truth.

* i wish i was king of the world, so things would go my way all the time*