omerta

its been awhile since i've blogged.here i am in this cold chilly night bloggin again. the chill of tonight go thru various depth. way deeper than the skin.

other than spending my time bumming in front of talking box people call tv, i been thru gun rounds of critics been thrown at me. its not very pleasent to received critics, i don like it, and i don think anybody likes it as well. especially after putting so much into it, i've been told i try too hard.was crushed, the feeling of not being appreciated runs all over me, but yet i try again and again.

someone once told me, "you're good at influencing others" tho he might be joking or he means influence to do bad stuff like unleash the devil in others. but tonight i think he was wrong. i don influence others, how can i influence others when i cant get my point across.

being miunderstood MOST of the time no matter where i go to, i really wanted people to look from the view to see things from my view.but i suppose tonight shows me that i cant make people to look from my view or understand what i am trying to say. i admit my poor usage of the english language, might be the cause that don explain things properly.but den again, i cant FORCE others to look from my view or make others to do wat i do.acceptence after all, depends on the wilingness of others.

all this have back fired on me.it cause more trouble, tho the original plan was to minimize the trouble.guess running my mouth and telling what i wanted or how i think, its not very wise if it cause so many trouble.thus i gotta to swallow what i belive in, or forget wat i wanted for the happiness of others.keeping my silent encrypted inside,maybe this is my omerta, my code of silence.to keep myself out of trouble. and i all i can do it have HOPE while i am waiting in my silence.hoping for the world to change. for others to forget the "me" in themself,and try to understand.